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[Schizotek]

Dear Dwarves of Sungear, the Fortress of Light. I know that, due to the massive stockpiles of food, and the fact we live on a husk infested volcanic glacier, there isn't much actual work to be done, despite our numbers only being in the low 30's. But please stop making babies. 12 of our 32 dwarves are either babies or children. They are becoming a strain on my patience.

Dear Ner Lemismebzuth, Forest Titan.
I deeply apologize for what I did. Just because you were made of coke did not justify me dripping magma on you. I should have saved you for the Arena. Our three forgotten beasts would have had a great deal of fun with you.

Dear Werechamelon,
You appeared on MY glacier, declaring that I would soon know why I fear the night, and then you had your arms ripped off by a husk without landing a single attack on him. Pathetic.

Dear blind cave crocodile FB,
Please chase the delicious fat farmer into that tunnel, never mind the floodgates. And don't let those abominable undead crundles follow you.

Dear Telkontar, Marksdwarf,
Apologies for that. The good news is that, as a zombie, magma cannot kill you. Have fun burning for all eternity at the bottom of the magma sea with the other 50 zombies I've dumped in.

[ydaraishy]

Dear Stozu Zolakezru, Engraver,

Why are you named after a goblin?

Signed,
Your Overlord

[MadocComadrin]

Dear Stozu Zolakezru, Engraver,

Why are you named after a goblin?

Signed,
Your Overlord

Dear Overseer ydaraishy,

We have reason to suspect the dwarf in question is the first case of a either a wear-goblin, or a goblin-dwarf hybrid. We would appreciate any efforts of ‼SCIENCE‼ you do to assist with out investigation.

Sincerely,

Mountainhomes Intelligence Agency (MIA).

[wierd]

Dear urist mcbaron.

You were appointed the regal title due to your love of green glass, since that is what your quarters are made from. (No exceptions!)  However, your fettish for crossbow bolts is excessive. I no sooner finish one mandate for (1 bolt), and you have created another for (3 bolts), ad nauseum. This has happened continually for 5 dwarven years now.

Yes. You are upset that urist mcvampire is not in a cage after eating somebody. She is however, permently entombed and is no longer a threat to anyone. This does not excuse your incessant vomiting of demands for crossbow bolts. Stop now, or get assigned to join urist mcvampire in her quarters.

Yours in desperation,
The overseer of the grim casket-keepers.

[DungeonJerk]

Dear Urist Mc Army of PantsPalace

How?, just, How!?. I give you hammers, and axes, and SPEARS!. I juice you up on the equivalent of Dwarf crack and make you the fastest damn things alive. How can 10 of you NOT clear out half your numbers in zombies and thralls?, let alone only 4 of you come back alive, and all you CRIPPLED!?

YOU ARE ALL A JOKE FOR ARMOK'S SAKE!, now I'm gonna have to risk the others being exposed to that haunted ash mist that you have probably noticed has been showing up more frequently and wafting over our home. Just to modify a new entrance/exit. And modify the previous one so I can lure the zombies into the pit!.

And YOU, you stupid mason who migrated here!. I don't care if those bunnies were once your pets. They are CONTAMINATED!. Quit trying to free them and expose the rest of the fort to their undeath!. If you don't, I will pit you in with the already contained thralls!.

Can't you hear them!?, they're clawing at the walls!, they want to kill us all!, we can't fight them!, we can only trap them!, why!?, for Armok's sake!, WHY!?

Signed: Slightly insane Overseer DungeonDwarf of PantsPalace

PS: The Elves!, oh god!, they TURNED THE ELVES!, FRUITY ZOMBIES!

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McMiner,
How did you manage to set yourself on fire when mining the magma-aquifer-obsidianizing thingy? And how did you manage to avoid setting your clothes on fire despite burning so fast that your corpse was gone before your replacement could arrive? Thanks for managing to save the pick, at least.

Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Ovrsr.


Dear Urist McCarpenterTurnedMiner,
Didn't you notice the ashes inside those clothes when you grabbed the pick? There's only one wolverine leather coat in this fort, and it belonged to the late Urist McMiner before he decided to mine out the aquifer-obsidianizing thing which worked (techncally). Point is, he's dead. You can report him as such.

Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Ovrsr.


Dear all dwarves in the fortress,
Why can't I build a magma glass furnace out of clay? It worked last version...

Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

[-Firestar-]

Dear residents of Crystal Caverns:
I understand you like running around nude and throwing clothes all over the place in bedrooms. That's somewhat normal behavior I hear.

But for the love of Armok, please PLEASE stop hoarding food in your rooms. There are multiple designated food piles and a designated eating area. There is no reason whatsoever to carry it back to your room and leave it on the floor! You are not children!

Sincerely,
Overseer Hanadra

[Broseph Stalin]

Dear residents of Crystal Caverns:
I understand you like running around nude and throwing clothes all over the place in bedrooms. That's somewhat normal behavior I hear.

But for the love of Armok, please PLEASE stop hoarding food in your rooms. There are multiple designated food piles and a designated eating area. There is no reason whatsoever to carry it back to your room and leave it on the floor! You are not children!

Sincerely,
Overseer Hanadra

Go into military and set your soldiers to stop carrying food. The system is bugged all to hell and they leave food in their room to rot and since it's owned nobody will touch it.

[WillowLuman]

Dear Dwarves of Sungear, the Fortress of Light. I know that, due to the massive stockpiles of food, and the fact we live on a husk infested volcanic glacier, there isn't much actual work to be done, despite our numbers only being in the low 30's. But please stop making babies. 12 of our 32 dwarves are either babies or children. They are becoming a strain on my patience.

Dear Ner Lemismebzuth, Forest Titan.
I deeply apologize for what I did. Just because you were made of coke did not justify me dripping magma on you. I should have saved you for the Arena. Our three forgotten beasts would have had a great deal of fun with you.

Dear Werechamelon,
You appeared on MY glacier, declaring that I would soon know why I fear the night, and then you had your arms ripped off by a husk without landing a single attack on him. Pathetic.

Dear blind cave crocodile FB,
Please chase the delicious fat farmer into that tunnel, never mind the floodgates. And don't let those abominable undead crundles follow you.

Dear Telkontar, Marksdwarf,
Apologies for that. The good news is that, as a zombie, magma cannot kill you. Have fun burning for all eternity at the bottom of the magma sea with the other 50 zombies I've dumped in.[/color]

Dear Schizotek,

1) Where did those come from? Did some dust get underground?
2) WTF Seriously!!?? Husks are immune to MAGMA!!??

[Wolfy]

Dear Army of Urist,

I realize that a great deal of fault for your lacking skills falls on me, or rather, the freaking military interface. But that is no reason for you to stop hunting down the eagle that has stopped everyone form going outside. You’re ten guys with weapons, it’s a freaking bird, kill it, grab it, throw rocks at it, just get it away from my entrance or so help me I will MAKE you all miners and force you to dig in till you get killed by whatever is down there. I will then dance on your graves, capturing that bird and putting him in one of your tombs.

[agiller]

Dear Urist McKillBane-Elite-Wrestler

You've been strangling that poor groundhog for 8 pages now. Please stop, I think you're enjoying this a little too much. There are other things to kill, you don't have to spend so much time on the groundhog.

Signed,
          Supreme Overlord Agiller

[kisame12794]

Dear Dwarves of Sungear, the Fortress of Light. I know that, due to the massive stockpiles of food, and the fact we live on a husk infested volcanic glacier, there isn't much actual work to be done, despite our numbers only being in the low 30's. But please stop making babies. 12 of our 32 dwarves are either babies or children. They are becoming a strain on my patience.

Dear Ner Lemismebzuth, Forest Titan.
I deeply apologize for what I did. Just because you were made of coke did not justify me dripping magma on you. I should have saved you for the Arena. Our three forgotten beasts would have had a great deal of fun with you.

Dear Werechamelon,
You appeared on MY glacier, declaring that I would soon know why I fear the night, and then you had your arms ripped off by a husk without landing a single attack on him. Pathetic.

Dear blind cave crocodile FB,
Please chase the delicious fat farmer into that tunnel, never mind the floodgates. And don't let those abominable undead crundles follow you.

Dear Telkontar, Marksdwarf,
Apologies for that. The good news is that, as a zombie, magma cannot kill you. Have fun burning for all eternity at the bottom of the magma sea with the other 50 zombies I've dumped in.[/color]

Dear Schizotek,

1) Where did those come from? Did some dust get underground?
2) WTF Seriously!!?? Husks are immune to MAGMA!!??

Husks are immune to magma, traps, drowning, HFS, fire, dwarves, other husks, and just about everything else. The only way to deafeat them is to completely dismember them, then atomsmash them until nothing is left. Oh and they tend to get covered in huskifiying dust, so wash them off before engaging in melee combat.

[Sutremaine]

WHAT?  CAN YOU SPEAK UP A BIT?  We can't hear you, Urist. 

Huh, that group of goblins seem to be coming towards us.  Wonder what caught their attention?...

Oh, hello there Elan.

Clearly they need better sneaking boots.

[flopeared]

Dear Urist:

For the love of armok, STOP NAMING THEM!  You know we can't eat them if they have names.  You're supposed to be a butcher, for Armok's sake, so every time I send you to go kill some lamb for dinners, I expect you to slaughter it, not gain another pet.  I want leg of lamb. 

[Vehudur]

Dear Urist:

For the love of armok, STOP NAMING THEM!  You know we can't eat them if they have names.  You're supposed to be a butcher, for Armok's sake, so every time I send you to go kill some lamb for dinners, I expect you to slaughter it, not gain another pet.  I want leg of lamb. 

Time for the butcher to have an unfortunate accident and find one who hates animals.