Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Greiger]

To Fisherman
Yes a tigerfish somehow managed to get into the cistern.  And since you are also military I see that you took it upon yourself to use your skills to remove the fish.

I would have preferred you to use your fishing skills and not your military skills to defeat the aquatic menace.  Jumping into the well and sinking to the bottom of the cistern like a particularly dumb brick was not the proper combat maneuver for this situation.  At least you killed the damn thing.

I'm only retrieving your corpse because of the armor it is wrapped in, I would appreciate it if you would keep it all from washing down the drain.

The Administration.

[Dalkar]

Dear UristMcCrossbowman,
Why, oh why, did you decide to randomly shoot at a grizzly bear that walked by, even though it was ignoring our settlers? Especially on an evil biome. As far as I'm concerned you deserved to be chased around by a zombie bear with big hole in its head until you fainted from exhaustion. Please take more consideration in choosing your manner of death next time. Also, you're not welcome back into the compound due to you being a shambling corpse with no head.
The Overseer

[Muffindog]

Dear Urist McWidow,
I am very sorry for your loss. I understand that you're most distressed by zombie invasion that has taken most of your fort, and even more by the fact that your husband's reanimated arm is trying to murder you, but please swing that candy pick of yours without wimping out! It was given to you for a situation like this.

Regards, your overseer.


Dear zombies,
Please just eat my brain like you're supposed to and stop beating me to death with a shoe.

Thanks in advance, Urist McVictim


Dear dwarves of Stockadehide,
You didn't check the back door.
The undead.

[Flying Dice]

Dear Urist McOnlyWeaponandArmorsmithina100dwarffortress,

Thank you for being possessed for your strange mood. Thank you for choosing the only type of cloth I don't have as a secondary material. Thank you for going mad. And most of all, thank you for doing this for an artifact with adamantite as the base material.

[WillowLuman]

Dear Super Heroes

I know you all feel invincible with your powers, like nothing else can defeat you, but you sure as hell do a good job of defeating yourselves. I'm talking to you, McFireblaster, that wagon had all the supplies in it. Yes, I'm sure the camel was very evil but did you have to destroy all our supplies? You also hit our farmer and our miner (who has super speed), and I'm not sure they'll make it. From now on, no powers, just weapons, okay?

-Your eternally bemused overseer

[UltraValican]

Dear Huntresses,

I don't know what you gals are doing when you all pile up in behind a bush no where near any animals, I don't want to know, you can have your little "What I'm praying was an impromtu tea-party" after you bag some animals.

[WillowLuman]

To my most esteemed business partners,

Thank you for your services. I hope that our adventuring contract will bring us much prosperity. But would you be so kind as to take a hint, and be stealthy when I sneak? Sneaking up on the beast in it's lair is most difficult when you charge it on sight, blowing my cover.

-Urist McAdventurer

[Crioca]

Dear Urist McFortressOverseer

I AM IN YOUR BASE!

I AM EATING YOUR DWARVENS!

Signed;
 - Urist McVampire

[ThatAussieGuy]

To my most esteemed business partners,

Thank you for your services. I hope that our adventuring contract will bring us much prosperity. But would you be so kind as to take a hint, and be stealthy when I sneak? Sneaking up on the beast in it's lair is most difficult when you charge it on sight, blowing my cover.

-Urist McAdventurer

WHAT?  CAN YOU SPEAK UP A BIT?  We can't hear you, Urist. 

Huh, that group of goblins seem to be coming towards us.  Wonder what caught their attention?...

[WillowLuman]

To my most esteemed business partners,

Thank you for your services. I hope that our adventuring contract will bring us much prosperity. But would you be so kind as to take a hint, and be stealthy when I sneak? Sneaking up on the beast in it's lair is most difficult when you charge it on sight, blowing my cover.

-Urist McAdventurer

WHAT?  CAN YOU SPEAK UP A BIT?  We can't hear you, Urist. 

Huh, that group of goblins seem to be coming towards us.  Wonder what caught their attention?...

HALT IN THE NAME OF THE WRETCHED TABLES!

[jaxler]

Dear Urist McFortressOverseer

I AM IN YOUR BASE!

I AM EATING YOUR DWARVENS!

Signed;
 - Urist McVampire

You have been assigned the fabulous job of bridge keeper, you are to report to the underside of the closest drawbridge immediately.

signed:
 - overseer

[ledgekindred]

Dear Caverns,
Where are you? I've dug down 41 z-levels so far and haven't found anything. I'm kinda on a glacier and therefore some cavern wood would be nice.

Dear GWG,
Aye, us miners been down here diggin fer so long, a little "cavern wood" would be a nice change o pace, if'n ye knows what we mean.

Yrs
Some lonely miners

[Sus]

Dear Mountainhomes,

Really, 80 "dabbling" farmers (with children) are enough. Please send somebody with a usefull skill for a change, preferably a miner.

Please?

Pretty please with sugar on top?

Your Humble Servant,
Sus, (despairing) Fortress Dabbling Farmer Refugee Camp Overseer

And lo and behold: the very next migrant wave brings the answer to my prayers.

> Udil Lolocatten, Miner
> Novice Miner

... I C wut U did thar.

NOT. AMUSED.

[Sus]

To my most esteemed business partners,

Thank you for your services. I hope that our adventuring contract will bring us much prosperity. But would you be so kind as to take a hint, and be stealthy when I sneak? Sneaking up on the beast in it's lair is most difficult when you charge it on sight, blowing my cover.

-Urist McAdventurer

WHAT?  CAN YOU SPEAK UP A BIT?  We can't hear you, Urist. 

Huh, that group of goblins seem to be coming towards us.  Wonder what caught their attention?...

Oh, hello there Elan.

[Garath]

Dear Super Heroes

I know you all feel invincible with your powers, like nothing else can defeat you, but you sure as hell do a good job of defeating yourselves. I'm talking to you, McFireblaster, that wagon had all the supplies in it. Yes, I'm sure the camel was very evil but did you have to destroy all our supplies? You also hit our farmer and our miner (who has super speed), and I'm not sure they'll make it. From now on, no powers, just weapons, okay?

-Your eternally bemused overseer

Dear overseer,

We did warn you that investigations regarding supers with firebreath or firethrowing have consistently shown  them to be a bad choice to let anywhere near anything that is not fire-proof, and this includes other people. The same holds true for dragons and anything else with fire, we can not imagine why you thought it would be different this time.

signed
Secretary of the Guild of Superpowered Beings