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[WillowLuman]

Dear Craftsdwarves

I know you have it. You can't deny it. One of you has managed to smuggle an issue of Playdwarf into the fortress, where pornography is strictly forbidden. I know this because you all seem unreasonably happy, inspired one after the other into a fey mood to make thongs. If you make one more artifact thong, we shall become the laughingstock of the Spades of Reason.

-- Sincerely, Your all-seeing Overseer

PS They Mayor wants one for a hot date by the microline well.

[ThatAussieGuy]

Dear Craftsdwarves

I know you have it. You can't deny it. One of you has managed to smuggle an issue of Playdwarf into the fortress, where pornography is strictly forbidden. I know this because you all seem unreasonably happy, inspired one after the other into a fey mood to make thongs. If you make one more artifact thong, we shall become the laughingstock of the Spades of Reason.

-- Sincerely, Your all-seeing Overseer

PS They Mayor wants one for a hot date by the microline well.

Dear Overseer;

We are most certainly not sharing a copy of PlayDwarf amongst ourselves. 

We're hiding all our lewd imagry in the engravings covering every surface of the fort.  Try not to look to closely in the background of the images of every important event of the fort.

Sincerely;
The Craftsdwarves

[jaxler]

Dear Craftsdwarves

I know you have it. You can't deny it. One of you has managed to smuggle an issue of Playdwarf into the fortress, where pornography is strictly forbidden. I know this because you all seem unreasonably happy, inspired one after the other into a fey mood to make thongs. If you make one more artifact thong, we shall become the laughingstock of the Spades of Reason.

-- Sincerely, Your all-seeing Overseer

PS They Mayor wants one for a hot date by the microline well.

Dear Overseer;

We are most certainly not sharing a copy of PlayDwarf amongst ourselves. 

We're hiding all our lewd imagry in the engravings covering every surface of the fort.  Try not to look to closely in the background of the images of every important event of the fort.

Sincerely;
The Craftsdwarves

hay, don't pin this on us!

Sincerely;
the engravers guild

[Reudh]

Dear Engraver's Guild,

Mmm, hay. That is all.

Urist McHorse

[cameron1124]

Dear, everyone

The horse did it! hes hiding the issues of playbook

sincerely,
Urist Mcanimaltrainer

[jaxler]

um... we need some reference guides four our "art", Mr horse.

sincerely,
Engraver's Guild

[Schizotek]

Dear Urist McHauler.
Believe me when I say that I sympathize with you. When a horrible mangled Giant Mole corpse your hauling to the magma disposal pit suddenly comes alive and smacks you in the leg, bruising the skin, it can be rather horrifying. Regardless, do try not to dodge onto the mineshaft into the caverns. Your lucky all you suffered was numerous broken bones, and that we have a Master Bone Setter migrant. You should have been expecting an event such as this, as we live on a zombie infested glacier on the rim of an active volcano. Just because the gods of our civilazation are affiliated with happiness, peace, and mountains, doesnt mean the univerese will align around those qualities.
-Oversear of Sunspear, the  Fortress of Light.

[krenshala]

Dear Urists McMigrants ...

... please stop throwing yourself over Fikod's Falls.  I know the 11 z-level drop is fantastically beautiful, but just because the fisherdwarf for the starting seven thought he could cross where the water starts going over the falls doesn't mean you guys should try it as well.

Please note, I won't be giving any of you a slab either.

Sincerely,
your Disgruntled Fortress Manager that was hoping to get above 11 dwarves with the second migrant wave, but ended up with 10 after the new dwarves were done throwing themselves over the falls.

[DungeonJerk]

Dear Urist Mcvampire.

For Armok's sake, Quit acting like a little baby, stand on the god damn poking machine and let me bleed you so I can make all the other dwarves in the fortress just like you!. I promise you, you'll be fine.

Your stubbornness is costing me workers as the spirits of the angry damned grow more powerful.

And as for the rest of you Urists, get off your lazy ass's and fill that damned well I had dug out and quit giving me crap about it or I swear I will personally tear your beards off!.

signed: Overseer DungeonDwarf of Rackscars

[Nyxalinth]

Dear war dogs,

Good dogs!  Good dogs chasing off the werebison!  I'm sorry three of you were lost to it, though.  The rest of you? Milkbones and horse biscuits all around!

Love,

the overseeress

[WillowLuman]

Dear Craftsdwarves

"This is Dolushzat, a bat leather thong. All craftsmanship is of the highest quality. It menaces with spikes of iron. On the item is an image of helmet snakes in bat leather. The helmet snakes are making a plaintive gesture."

I told you. Not. One. More. Thong.

PS: What the HELL is wrong with you? Why is there an image of a helmet snake!? Do I even want to know the answer!?

[eataTREE]

Dear Urist,

Welcome to Southhomes! The security department was extremely excited to read your background check results, and would like to discuss certain details with you, such as your residency in thirty-seven other civilizations prior to your arrival here. This interview will take place in the Vampire Processing Booth. Please step inside and hold still, and a member of Human Resources will, er, take care of you shortly.

Respectfully yours,
Your Vampire-loathing Overseer.

[Olith McHuman]

Dear Urist McNotVampire #2:

I'm sorry, but the position of broker-who-never-eats-sleeps-drinks-and-lives-in-an-airlock-behind-the-trade-depot is already taken. Perhaps the position of lookout/manager/bookkeeper who lives in a 1x1 cell with a chair behind a fortification and a window by a major hallway would interest you? If you wish to apply, just wall yourself in.


Good job! You're accepted!

[Reudh]

Dear UristMcWasAWoodBurnerButNowIsAMiner,

I know I ordered you to dig the wall next to the gushing flow of water from the river, but after being knocked in for the FOURTH time, do you reckon you could maybe, i dunno, give up?


And also, to the residents of Fathdakost,

I have reason to believe at least one of the 67 of you is a vampire. Prepare yourself for inspection.

Sincerely, Overseer Reudh

[ThatAussieGuy]

To the remaining (living) Dwarves of Copperplane;

I was happily spending time with our soul mining dwarf trying to figure out a way to get around the aquifer, when I jumped back to the main fort area and discovered not only were there only two of you lot left out of nine, but you were being harrassed by your fellow dwarf's corpses.  Please give me at least SOME notification bad things are happening so I can try to help.  The front doors are lockable for a REASON.

Sincerely;
The Supreme Low Underdwarf.