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[Splint]

Dear Urist McVampires

I know who you are. And now you are being drafted. The only reason you aren't being atomsmashed is because one of you was instrumental in actually saving a kid from snatchers.

You slip up again with your feeding in the Auxillia barracks,and I will not be so kind.

Sincerly,
You annoyed overseer.

[racnor]

Dear Uristmclegendaryhunter

When I embarked to a savage biome with a dedicated hunter, I admit I didn't expect you to survive very long. Your life expectancy decreased even further when a giant badger came out of nowhere and mauled the mason's cat before we had a sealed base. It was very impressive when you bashed its head in with your crossbow, suffering only a broken middle finger.

Now, many years later, you are the lifeblood of my fort. Your kill list has over 200 entries, including plenty of goblins. The corpses of your prey fuel a vibrant crafting industry. When the great roc Lulo Strapfogs descended upon us with vengeful talons it was you who shot its wings off before it could land. You may soon be training the next generation of marksdwarves. You have turned our pitiful bolthole into a full fortress with every possible facility and luxury. Losing you now would be devastating. Following this train of thought, we now have a complete hospital and a very experienced doctor. FOR THE LOVE OF ARMOK GET YOUR FINGER LOOKED AT!

Signed,
the overseer

[Tiruin]

Dear UristMcBarSmith

New Mandate (update), you can't use one bar to make every single weapon and armor now. Get to work with that quality!

Yours Truly,
Overseer Quali T.

[imperium3]

Dear Elite Marksdwarves

Those artifact crossbows are a mark of my respect for your skill, and Urist McWeaponsmith assures me that they are the most accurate ranged weapons in the fortress. However, they are very light (made of wood and/or adamantine) and precision instruments, so could you PLEASE STOP BEATING KOBOLDS OVER THE HEAD WITH THEM, it's not very effective. Okay, so Solon McMarksdwarf managed to kill one but that was only after it had been brought down by a passing hunter who actually knows how to use a crossbow.

Regards,
The Management.

Dear Desert,

Please stop raining. You're supposed to be a desert, why is it always raining!?? I keep losing dwarves to smears of extracts around the entrance, because of the rain. And we actually do need to go outside, so I can't just bring us all underground - cave adaptation is a bad thing.

Regards,
Akrulatol "Tinfound"

[ThatAussieGuy]

Dear Elite Marksdwarves

Those artifact crossbows are a mark of my respect for your skill, and Urist McWeaponsmith assures me that they are the most accurate ranged weapons in the fortress. However, they are very light (made of wood and/or adamantine) and precision instruments, so could you PLEASE STOP BEATING KOBOLDS OVER THE HEAD WITH THEM, it's not very effective. Okay, so Solon McMarksdwarf managed to kill one but that was only after it had been brought down by a passing hunter who actually knows how to use a crossbow.

Regards,
The Management.

Give us some crossbows made of heavy metal then, Boss.  No point wasting ammo on the little blighters when a good crack on the noggin' will suffice.

[Shook]

Dear Urists McBrownpants

Would you kindly stop shitting your pants over zombie limbs that won't ever be able to reach you in and out of this millenium? It's kind of impeding the whole fortress, and you are all to blame if/when it crumbles.

Yours truly,
Rather X-asperated overseer McShook

[YetAnotherStupidDorf]

Dear former migrants,

do NOT go through that cloud. Why you entered map from that side anyway?

I play Dwarf Fortress, not Husk Fortress, FFS.

[jaxler]

dear migrants

WHY ARE YOU ALL FUCKING FISH CLEANERS. THIS FORT IS IN A FUCKING DESERT!!!!!!!!!!!!

sincerely
overseer.

[ThatAussieGuy]

dear migrants

WHY ARE YOU ALL FUCKING FISH CLEANERS. THIS FORT IS IN A FUCKING DESERT!!!!!!!!!!!!

sincerely
overseer.

We like a challenge.

Sincerely;

The Fishcleaners Guild, Local #12.

[jaxler]

dear migrants

WHY ARE YOU ALL FUCKING FISH CLEANERS. THIS FORT IS IN A FUCKING DESERT!!!!!!!!!!!!

sincerely
overseer.

We like a challenge.

Sincerely;

The Fishcleaners Guild, Local #12.

but why are half of you vampires?

Sincerely;
overseer

[ThatAussieGuy]

but why are half of you vampires?

Sincerely;
overseer

See previous answer.

Sincerely;
The vampires hiding amongst the members of The Fishcleaners Guild, Local #12

[jaxler]

but why are half of you vampires?

Sincerely;
overseer

See previous answer.

Sincerely;
The vampires hiding amongst the members of The Fishcleaners Guild, Local #12

why do you all have no legs or arms?

Sincerely;
overseer

[gunpowdertea]

So... you are saying vampires are "mostly 'armless"?

[Keldane]

Dear Migrant Children,

We thank you for your future contributions to our great fort of Gorgearrows. Please do not expect to be excused from work simply because you are children - not after both your parents ran headlong into the cloud of Eerie Soot on their way in from the map edge, becoming paralyzed and numb before suffocating seconds later. We have excellent amenities which we think will help offset your feeling of (understandable) depression at the loss of your family; if you disagree, please feel free to throw a tantrum and we shall happily send you on your way.

Sincerely,

The Gorgearrows Overseer.

[Vehudur]

Spoiler'd because it's long.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dear UristMcVampire,

Please go stand under that raised bridge there.  Nothing bad will happen.  Yes, we know you just killed one of our three +5 legendary weaponsmiths.  We're not mad.  I promise.




Dear ElfMcWeaponsmith#2

Why are you starving?  I know you're an elf, but this is a dwarven fortress and you're going to have to break down and eat the same food as the rest of us.  If you starve to death our last weaponsmith won't be able to handle the workload himself.  Really.  All of your friends are having no problems eating.




Dear UristMcWeaponsmith#3

Your workload is about to greatly increase.  Please, enjoy the last of your spare time idling in the dining hall as your elven co-worker continues to hammer out weapons for the army.




Dear Armorsmiths

Keep up the good work.




Dear Army

I know a lot of your equipment is outdated, but we just hit a massive amount of adamantine and new weapons and armor are being made.   The armor is nearly done, and all of it is masterwork.   The weapons may take a bit longer, because we keep having delays.




Dear MarksdwarfRegiment

Please, stop trying to use your adamantine crossbows as clubs.  It doesn't work.




Dear UristMcAxedwarves

Enjoy your new Adamantine Battle Axes.   Yes, they were made by an elf.  Why are you looking like you want to kill something?  If you lay a finger on him, we'll atom smash you.  No, I don't care that you're legendary and have been in the fortress for 25 years.  But you may not have to hurt him - he isn't eating and looks to starve to death soon.  He's getting awful skinny.




Dear Elf Migrants

I have no idea how or why 30 of you migrated to this dwarven fortress, but one of you was a legendary weaponsmith so I'm not going to complain too much.  However, the booze is for the dwarves.  You have to drink from the well.




Dear randomly wandering Dragon

Why U no go in cage trap?

At least stop eating random migrants.  Or if you do, at least be consistant and eat all of them, instead of just the skilled ones.




Dear Mount McVolcano

Can you stop flooding the third cavern level with magma yet?  It's killing my framerate.  Please.