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[Ascimator]

Dear Urist McHunter,

I doubted your common sense was normal enough when you started punching that berserk cook I ordered you to kill as the militia commander instead of shooting him just because I figured it was clear enough for you if I didn't state the crossbow in your equip. Even if you decided to spare your ammo, why wouldn't you use that heavy thing in melee? Nevertheless, it passes now to your fellow Urist McRanger and you are getting your coffin.
Sincerely,
your disappointed overseer.

[Sus]

I also see how losing your left lower arm, a toe, a tooth, and getting your nose broken might give you some bad thoughts, but I would think that didn't quite count as "sustaining minor injuries lately," as you claim.
Since you seem to look on the bright side, you do seem to have "had a nice bath recently," which other dwarves would have called "getting their stump rot cleaned."
You need to sheath that sword and use your good hand to start dragging people inside. I don't care if you are happy enough with just enough left arm to strap a shield to, Urist McLieutenantDan out in the field can't just 'walk it off'.

I had a miner a while back who had both hands, left lower arm and left ear torn off by an alligator. He was still "quite content", and apparently fully convinced he was still able to mine, as he kept spamming "Cancels pickup equipment: too injured" messages.

[Splint]

I also see how losing your left lower arm, a toe, a tooth, and getting your nose broken might give you some bad thoughts, but I would think that didn't quite count as "sustaining minor injuries lately," as you claim.
Since you seem to look on the bright side, you do seem to have "had a nice bath recently," which other dwarves would have called "getting their stump rot cleaned."
You need to sheath that sword and use your good hand to start dragging people inside. I don't care if you are happy enough with just enough left arm to strap a shield to, Urist McLieutenantDan out in the field can't just 'walk it off'.

I had a miner a while back who had both hands, left lower arm and left ear torn off by an alligator. He was still "quite content", and apparently fully convinced he was still able to mine, as he kept spamming "Cancels pickup equipment: too injured" messages.

He intended to use his beard to manipulate the pick, obviously.

[Olith McHuman]

Dear Urist McVampire:

I found you, and I locked you in a room to die. Not only have you managed to engrave the entire room, I have also noticed that you never get hungry, thirsty, or sleepy. Congratulations! You're the new broker!

[ThatAussieGuy]

Dear Urist Mcundead;

STAY DOWN!

sssssssSSSOOOOOOOOCCCCKKKKSSSSSSSsssssss

Sincerely;

Urist McUndead

[imperium3]

Dear Urist McVampire:

I found you, and I locked you in a room to die. Not only have you managed to engrave the entire room, I have also noticed that you never get hungry, thirsty, or sleepy. Congratulations! You're the new broker!

That is far more awesome than any method of weaponising vampires! Using them as a broker who actually shows up to trade!

[jaxler]

Dear Urist McVampire:

I found you, and I locked you in a room to die. Not only have you managed to engrave the entire room, I have also noticed that you never get hungry, thirsty, or sleepy. Congratulations! You're the new broker!

That is far more awesome than any method of weaponising vampires! Using them as a broker who actually shows up to trade!

so, what happens when he kills your 3 legendary workers and your legendary ax lord...

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McFurnaceworkers,

You do know you are the last dwarves in this machine before I download the new version. You also know we're generally wearing the bronze armor we've scrounged, with iron passable once we make some steel.

We have iron. We have charcoal. We have marble. We don't have dwarves willing to make pig iron or steel.

If the next siege or uninvited guest is anything like the last, they will come on the heels of the caravan, so I'm not closing the gates. We need that steel.

Get to it!

[jaxler]

Dear Urist McVampire:

I found you, and I locked you in a room to die. Not only have you managed to engrave the entire room, I have also noticed that you never get hungry, thirsty, or sleepy. Congratulations! You're the new broker!

That is far more awesome than any method of weaponising vampires! Using them as a broker who actually shows up to trade!

so, what happens when he kills your 3 legendary workers and your legendary ax lord...

oh, no, you dump the occasional immigrant child into his room to feed him, then once traders turn up, put him in the trade depot opposite his room, (making sure all of the goods have arrived before him) then trade ASAP, once traded, burrow him into his room, then simply rinse and repeat.

that's cruel. armok bless your soul

[imperium3]

Dear Urist McVampire:

I found you, and I locked you in a room to die. Not only have you managed to engrave the entire room, I have also noticed that you never get hungry, thirsty, or sleepy. Congratulations! You're the new broker!

That is far more awesome than any method of weaponising vampires! Using them as a broker who actually shows up to trade!

so, what happens when he kills your 3 legendary workers and your legendary ax lord...

oh, no, you dump the occasional immigrant child into his room to feed him, then once traders turn up, put him in the trade depot opposite his room, (making sure all of the goods have arrived before him) then trade ASAP, once traded, burrow him into his room, then simply rinse and repeat.

that's cruel. armok bless your soul

I think the dead axedwarf problem will also be solvable as soon as someone figures out a way to turn the entire fortress (or at least the important dwarves) into vampires - they don't attack each other, do they?

[MadocComadrin]

Dear Urist McMigrants,

This is not a daycare. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Overseer

[Dawnofdarkness]

Dear Urist mcIwantthisasapet

Was it very clever of you to open the doors and let the 12 giant badgers in wehn our only form of defense was a 4 dwarf strong militia with on training gear......

Sincerely,

The man who can make your life HELL!!!!

[ThatAussieGuy]

Dear Urist McMigrants,

This is not a daycare. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Overseer

We're all left together in a large room for most of the year with nothing to do.  What did you think would happen?

Sincerely
Urist Mc-

Urist McMigrant cancels reply: Participating in Dining Hall Orgy

[WillowLuman]

Dear Dwarves

Pay no attention to the voices in your head telling you to do things. There is no almighty yet incompetent force controlling you, causing you to die through mismanagement when viewing history shows you do a better job yourselves. Do not be alarmed. Continue about your business. Do not resist.

Sincerely,
Non-existent Overseer

[MadocComadrin]

We're all left together in a large room for most of the year with nothing to do.  What did you think would happen?

Sincerely
Urist Mc-

Urist McMigrant cancels reply: Participating in Dining Hall Orgy

Oh no, I don't mean you guys--I'll get to you constant procreators next.

Menacingly,

Overseer.