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[GaxkangtheUnbound]

Dear Pawn Miner,
Please don't chase after that elephant. I understand that you have a sense of duty, but your processors aren't meant to withstand a kick from a heavy elephant.
Thanks,
Your loving Master.

[Mapleguy555]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dear Dwarf Forum.

WTF.


...


That is all.

Dear Loud Whispers,

Thank you.

With Magma,
Necro910

Dear Necro,


Magma only goes so far.


That is all.

Dear Loud Whispers,

Magma. Solves. Everything.

With magma,
Necro910

Everything but FPS death.

Dear Urist McMilitiaCommander,
Did you seriously have to pull that lever with your entire squadron in tow? Look at the
entire hallway! It's covered with... oh, right. I would like to remind you not to fondle your lover
as you wander the hallways, condemned forever to not having booze, cupcakes, and !!MAGMA!!.
Now go fetch Urist McBastardManager!

Administration of Zas Ebal, The Crystal of Reverences, Overseer Rank 9001,
Maple

[DragDen]

Dear Urist McMayor,
Do you remember that accident several years ago? When you mandated production of bismuth items, and then nearly killed one of our best crafters?
To prevent such drastic measures, I created a prison, so you can order fortress guard to imprison those lazy dwarfs. But guess what? There is no fortress guard. Nobody will listen you. Forever.
PS: That one cage in prison is for you. You are always welcome.

With insidious grin, your overlord Drag Den.

[saltmummy626]

Dear Urist Brokerson

It isnt your job to bring things to the depot when you should be trading. drinking and eating I understand, but when you have been assigned to a burrow that just so happens to be JUST the depot, you should not leave it to go get things you SHOULD be trading away. that is peasant work, and below your station.

Dear Urist Mcthirsty

the fort has enough booze in it to keep a far larger fort running for at least a year, why are you drinking from the river, and (more importantly) bitching about having your arms pulled of by a sturgeon?

[restricted]

Dear Urist McHauler,

Why complain about the miasma? That corpse is clearly marked to be removed, yet you seem to like watching it rot atop of the food stockpiles. I realize you must have enjoyed watching it die quite a lot, but that is no excuse.

[senamic]

Dear Urist McMillitia Captain,

The fort had 17 population. Your millitia was made up of 5 of these dwarves. How do you all die to the Giant Rat that walks into the fort?

Sincerely,
Your disgruntled leader, now considering nuking your fort.

[eggrock]

To: Mountainhome Diplomat and Trade Department
Attn: Department Chief

Regarding: Future diplomatic endeavors

Dear Sir or Madam

In situfations where a large force of goblin invaders is encamped to the west of our mountainhome, when we open the east gate to allow your diplomat egress, we would appreciate it if he or she continued to travel in that direction for at least a half day's march to avoid potential danger. Circling around the fort and heading directly into the arms of the invaders is not something we generally recommend to our non-noble population.

As a related note, we declined your generous offer of a Barony. Since the remains of your previous diplomat appear to be roasting over a goblin campfire, we expect that this is the first you heard of our rejection.

Sincerely,
Veiledmines Overseer

[Garath]

Dear idiots. When an alarm has sounded, do not rush out to see why. When you go out the gate and see an enemy, or when outside and you encounter one, endavour to return to the safety of the trap lined corridor of death that somehow isnt triggered by your pressence. When your friend is valiantly fighting a dozen goblins and is injured, do not rush over to see how bad it is and bind any wounds. Nor try to retrieve his unconcious/dead body while invaders are still camping his body, unless you are a legendary axeman, shield user, armor user and fighter who can also dodge fairly well, with the strength of a thousand men

[khearn]

Dear Garath,

If you'd clearly define where we can and can't go during an attack, we'd be happy to stay there. I think there is something called a "burrow" and a "civilian alert".

   Sincerely,
     
      Those of us who have managed to survive your rule so far

[Iton Ibrukrithzam]

Dear Urist McKickass,

You were already a level 14 butcher.  I already loved and needed you.  Then you noticed my attempts to train up a blacksmith on random junk so we could have nice, masterwork gold statues for the base.  You then decided that was the job for you and went into a mood to build me an artifact iron door, thus launching yourself to legendary blacksmith status.  Thank you so much.  The engravers have finished lining your new expanded room with mostly masterwork engravings.  I'm buying some of your favorite materials to make you nice things out of.

Thanks again,
Your pleasantly surprised overlord.

[Garath]

Dear Garath,

If you'd clearly define where we can and can't go during an attack, we'd be happy to stay there. I think there is something called a "burrow" and a "civilian alert".

   Sincerely,
     
      Those of us who have managed to survive your rule so far

eg, noone (edit: done)

[ansontan2000]

Dear Urist McStupidHauler
Don't complain about there being no work when all of this rock is lying around everywhere.
Sincerely Idiots.
Your overlord.

[Iton Ibrukrithzam]

Dear Baron McTinyJunk,

I get that you're jealous that I gave Urist McKickass better rooms than yours.  It's just that he's useful and you aren't.  You didn't have to punch the miner and break a nice table.  Perhaps you could try being useful by testing this magma-based disposal chute?

Because I will see you die.

~Iton

[Grytorm]

Dearest Urist,

When I locked you in and your buddies in a room with a bunch of troglodytes and a troll outnumbering you two to one it wasn't personal. I was only bored.

Signed,
Grytorm

[Hitty40]

Dear Grytorm,

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?


-Urist