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[BeefotronX]

Dear Urist McEngineer:

I don't care about the snatchers or the giant cave spider that got in from below.  I just want this aqueduct built and working.

Regards,
Lord Beef

[Reudh]

To the Zalifen of this new world, especially Polasle McKingDude-
STOP OVERPOPULATING EVERYTHING! you share the same population tags as dwarves...

Yours, Armok.

(Seriously, by 1050 in this pocket world, of the 2700 creatures alive, a good 2000 were Zalifen. Dwarves were just about dead, elves non-existent, humans clinging to life (and frequently starving to death) and goblins maintained a good lifestyle.

[AWellTrainedFerret]

Greetings Dorfs of the "Friendly Fellowship of Fondling". It seems I underestimated you when they said your are the 7 most industrious dorfs that were willing to embark in search of a new site to settle a fort.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

And while I understand it must have taken a LOT of effort to leave the wagon behind and haul all our starting supplies to the very tip-top of this mountain peak...I can't help but notice that this mountain peak happens to be 137 z-levels above the area where I would like to make my entrance. This, of coarse, means that you're gonna have to hual all those supplies back down the mountain.

[Theifofdreams]

Dear Urist McAssholenoble

Magma sure is hot, hmm? We'll see if whoever replaces you is any smarter. If so, it will be a first.

Sincerely;
Your frustrated Overseer.

[roughedge]

Dear Urist McBiter

If you are fighting against a giant leopard, don't use your teeth as a weapon, at least grab a rock or something... maybe the copper battle axe that as been lying next to your bed for 3 months. But hey, since you lost your arms now, I guess you wont have the choice...

[Jake]

Dear Kivish Athelal†th, Fisherdwarf,

For future reference, the brook freezing over is your cue to go and lend a hand with the hundred and one other jobs that need doing in the fortress, not seek out the only remaining liquid water in the area. I can personally assure you that you won't find any fish in the drinking water cistern.

Yours,

Your designated Avatar of Armok.

[Gizogin]

Dear Urist McBloodyStupidJohnson,

I know we've had some trouble with trolls knocking down our floodgates in the past, and it's only natural of you to want to protect your hard work, but next time, don't stand inside the tunnel that you're blocking off!

Your Dark Wizard overseer,
Gizogin X

[Wannazzaki]

Dear Kivish Athelal†th, Fisherdwarf,

For future reference, the brook freezing over is your cue to go and lend a hand with the hundred and one other jobs that need doing in the fortress, not seek out the only remaining liquid water in the area. I can personally assure you that you won't find any fish in the drinking water cistern.

Yours,

Your designated Avatar of Armok.

Actually you Can fish in the cisterns.

[Nyxalinth]

Dear half-assed quickly thrown together military,

You guys rock.  seriously.  I'm sorry that four of your comrades got taken out, and even more sorry that the area is frozen year round.  They died of thirst in their hospital beds.

The rest of you, though...one of you killed a troll and the other, an elkbird.  Not to mention the two draltha, a rutherer, and several troglodytes.  Most of you didnt even have a weapon yet.

You guys are good

Your impressed overseer

[Captain Mayhem]

Dear Urist McPerfectMayor

Seriously, you were the perfect mayor. Your only interests were totems (which we could create ad infinitum), traction benches (which also are useful and easily made), mining picks (can't ever have enough of those, especially now with over 100 active miners), and lay pewter items (another humble request). Thanks to you, I didn't get a dwarf jailed in over 10 years. That's a personal record, and it probably beats a LOT of other people here.

SO WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO MELANCHOLIC BECAUSE OF A LESSERS BURIAL ARRANGEMENTS?!
Honestly, you are the only one with a pretentious tomb in this fort. The only other two who have more than an unmarked coffin in an unsmoothed rock crypt, are my legendary, named, axe and spear wielding defenders of the fortress with more than 150 kills between them.
And they *share* a tomb *HALF* your size.
And one of them died while delivering the killing blow to a poisonous gas-spewing forgotten beast that was just about to enter the fortress, so he bloody deserves it.

Please stop whining and get right back to being awesome, please. The one who replaced you is a dick.

Sincerely
Miffed off overseer.

[Fairin]

Dear Urist McCount
i'm Aware of your mandate for Glistening voidshard mandates, as I TOTALLY agree we should totally make some but alas the void walker people dont seem to want to attack me yet and have their corpses litter our pritty front lawn and give our axeboys something to drink over.

ps, stop making my guard captian kill random dwarves. its getting annoying the fort DIDNT NEED a jail before you became baron then count... think about it...

Love- your omnipresent overlord of the forlorn realms (mod)

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McMerchant,
After they chased you out the last three years, you should know we have a problem with giant badgers. Please don't let them follow you into the depot next time.

Dear Urists McMerchantguards,
You know about the badgers, too. I don't know what kind of grudge you have against McMerchant, but would you have at least let him trade with us before allowing the badgers to kill him? I notice you don't have a scratch on you, and we can't just take the stuff because you're alive.

I was wanting that booze, too.

Overseer, cranking the stills to overtime.

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McPregnanttrainer,

Please exit the danger room before... Yeah, see? Wooden spears sever other things before they even think about the umbilical cord.

[Ostrogoth]

Dear Urist McSwordmaster and Urist McAxedwarf

When killing a wolf could you please use the weapons you have been assigned instead of biting it to death over a period of one month. Not only is it inefficient but also very cruel to the animal in question. Please follow the example of Urist McHammerdwarf who quickly dispatched three wolfs by bashing their heads in.

Sincerely
Management

[Hitty40]

Dear Urist McSwordmaster and Urist McAxedwarf

When killing a wolf could you please use the weapons you have been assigned instead of biting it to death over a period of one month. Not only is it inefficient but also very cruel to the animal in question. Please follow the example of Urist McHammerdwarf who quickly dispatched three wolfs by bashing their heads in.

Sincerely
Management

Dear Management,

I couldn't give a damn my weapons! Biting is the way to go!

-Urist McAxeDwarf