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[Necro910]

Dear military squad.

You are ten masters in your field from hammer, to spear to sword. You can dodge any attack, resist any blow that lands and...you all fucking dodged into the magma lake. You, and then the marksmen decided they would use their bows as clubs, and lo and behold, you also dodged into the magma lake. I fucking hate all of you.

Sincerely, an overseer who will not be making you any slabs.

Dear Overseer,
We are doing what we do best, killing and maiming. Have fun with your mangled and possessed dwarves.

With fists of your own flesh,
The D-Team

[Teneb]

Dear Urist McCaptain

I know that the insane merchant from the mountainhomes attacked you first, and that you decapitated him in self-defense, but now you've triggered a loyalty cascade and I cannot allow that to spread. You are fired. Report to the firing chamber of the magma cannon at once.


Sincerely,
The Management

[Wannazzaki]

Dear military squad.

You are ten masters in your field from hammer, to spear to sword. You can dodge any attack, resist any blow that lands and...you all fucking dodged into the magma lake. You, and then the marksmen decided they would use their bows as clubs, and lo and behold, you also dodged into the magma lake. I fucking hate all of you.

Sincerely, an overseer who will not be making you any slabs.

Dear Overseer,
We are doing what we do best, killing and maiming. Have fun with your mangled and possessed dwarves.

With fists of your own flesh,
The D-Team

Hey hey hey. Hands off. D-Team is copyrighted to me D:

[Necro910]

Dear Urist McCaptain

I know that the insane merchant from the mountainhomes attacked you first, and that you decapitated him in self-defense, but now you've triggered a loyalty cascade and I cannot allow that to spread. You are fired. Report to the firing chamber of the magma cannon at once.


Sincerely,
The Management

Dear Management,

VIVA LA REVOLUTIO!

With love,
Urist

[ImaDwarf]

Dear UristMc3PeopleWhoFellDownAHole,

Two of you won't get this letter, because you guys are dead, but to UristMcWounded, please hurry up and heal, you are our only skilled brewer, and we need some booze.

Signed,
Your Not So Loving Overseer

[Theifofdreams]

Dear UristMc3PeopleWhoFellDownAHole,

Two of you won't get this letter, because you guys are dead, but to UristMcWounded, please hurry up and heal, you are our only skilled brewer, and we need some booze.

Signed,
Your Not So Loving Overseer

Dear Not So Loving Overseer
Would really love to get right on that, but a spot of medic would go a long way to speeding up the process. A drink would also not go amiss.

-Urist McNotBrewingADamnThingUntilIHeal.

[ImaDwarf]

Dear Urist McNotBrewingADamnThingUntilIHeal,

Our doctor is doing his best, but since you broke so many things, you are turning into walking string and bits of cloth.

Signed,
GettingTiredOfWritingNotes

[Necro910]

Dear Urist McNotBrewingADamnThingUntilIHeal,

Our doctor is doing his best, but since you broke so many things, you are turning into walking string and bits of cloth.

Signed,
GettingTiredOfWritingNotes

...The Slender Man?

[ImaDwarf]

Dear Urist McNotBrewingADamnThingUntilIHeal,

Our doctor is doing his best, but since you broke so many things, you are turning into walking string and bits of cloth.

Signed,
GettingTiredOfWritingNotes

...The Slender Man?

Perhaps, minus the whole walking thing.

[Sutremaine]

Yes, I know there's a barrel of food somewhere in a deep cavern, and I know it's not forbidden to eat from it.  I also don't know where the f__k it is.

I have an idea. Hide any food that can be pathed to, then go into the stocks screen and forbid anything that isn't hidden.

[Time Blossom]

Dear Urist McGuardCaptain,

Clearly, there has been a breakdown in communications somewhere. When I appointed you to this position, it was with the expectation that you would help to keep our citizenry safe. You know, locking up murderers, that sort of thing. However, since your appointment the only law that you have enforced has been the Mayor's new ban on exporting bracelets, and your method of enforcement has been to soundly beat those responsible for breaking the ban.

This would not be so bad were it not for your refusal to set down your Adamantine Battleaxe, even after being told repeatedly to do so. I understand that you like your shinies, but honestly, there's a limit as to what is considered acceptable behavior, and I'm sure that the five petty smugglers now lying dead in the meeting hall would agree that earning yourself a nickname by hacking them to pieces was in rather poor taste.

I understand that it's not really your fault; you were simply following orders from the Mayor, and never mind that the offending parties committed their crimes before the law was passed and you were appointed. Rest assured, your recent demotion was only the first part of a long-needed house cleaning, and you will still find a position in the Cavern Patrol since you seem unwilling or unable to drop that damned axe already. There won't be much company, but I assure you, the pay is good. On an unrelated note, since you are not married, who do you consider to be your next of kin?

Good luck with that Forgotten Beast,
Thy Overlord

[eggrock]

Dear Urist McDiggers,

It has come to my attention that the 'No accidents in x days' sign has been updated to '0 days' today, and I have heard mention that this was somehow caused by my long absence away from our mountain home. I wish to assure you that this is not true and further, I have no knowledge as to the whereabouts of our two legendary miners.

As an unrelated note, future planning of multiple z-level channeling will be dug from the top down, one layer at a time.

Sincerely,
Management

[Wannazzaki]

Dear Urist McCaptainoftheGuard

Please drag prisoners to their cell for violating asinine orders of the asinine baron instead of charging up to them and bisecting them down the middle. I know you are desperate to get back to destroying sieges for personal amusement but i am fast running out of legendary gemcutters.

Sincerely, Overseer.

P.S Next time, i'm locking you out.

[G.S.Maxwell]

Dear Urist McCaravanLeader,

While it is your prerogative where we strike the earth, I am perplexed by your choice of a rapidly thawing river. In the future please be sure to strike the earth, and not the ice.

Your perplexed and cold,

Overseer

[Lordraymond]

Dear Urist McHerbalist,

I know you showed up with no social skills and only an adequate guild rating in herbalism, but please at least do the one job your good at. I'm tired of dwarves complaining of starvation while you sit on your fat, beer-stinking ass on break for a whole year and let the crops wither.

Sincerely,

Your starving overlord