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[MadocComadrin]

Dear Urist McDeadMiner, Urist McDead Manager, Urist McDeadHerbalist, and Urist McDeadDoctor,

I'm not sure why you thought it was wise to stand underneath the animal powered watch tower as it was being brought down (granted, it was ill-placed in the beginning), but it netted all four of you as well as Urist McDeadDoctor's infant an early grave.
You're lucky I was thinking ahead in Fortress happiness, or else you four would have caused a tantrum spiral. Rest in peace for now, 'cause when it's my time, I'm going to knock all of your ghostly teeth out!

Sincerely,

Overseer

[ThatAussieGuy]

To the Goblin/Troll Horde parked on my front door step;

Sod off.  The way in is a floorhatch that's been locked, so there's no way you lot are coming inside.  Every year you turn up on my doorstep, sit and scratch your collective rears, and then either leave, or a single squad of militiadwarves slaughters you all.  This year you've turned up in your largest numbers yet.  If this were a convention or public event, I'd be happy.  As it's not, I'm somewhat annoyed. Enjoy your corpse-laden doorstep, hoopleheads.  If you start building a little town for yourselves, I'm gonna start charging rent.

Sincerely;

The Overseer of Swordthunders.

[Shinotsa]

Dear Urist McNewRecruit

While I had low hopes for you when you were recruited into the militia you seem to have single handedly saved the fortress from a goblin invasion. While the unarmed migrant forces were cut down like so much wheat by a scythe in the cavern tunnel you charged headlong into the goblin forces before any of your well armed colleagues had picked up their equipment. Sadly due to what I can only assume to be an issue with finding robes for their uniforms, your colleagues continued to pick up their equipment while you were being stabbed repeatedly with goblin spears. A season later the militia was fully armed and caame to you rescue, only to be cut down by the goblins which I can only imagine had become expert spear users during the season of stabbing at your armor. A golden tomb was built in your honor and the entire population was either conscripted or ordered to churn out whatever weapons and armor they could. A season later you were still valiently holding them in that dank tunnel, slipping in and out of conciousness, hungry, thirsty, and half dead. Then, as you heard the entire fortress let out a warcry as they charged up to your rescue you knew that your job was done and you slipped away from us to be with your ancestors. The goblins were immediately routed and pushed away from your unconcious form, and though the field medics were unburrowed and rushed to your aid, they headed away from the hospital and took you to your tomb instead to place you at your watch over the platinum sarcophogi that will someday house the baron. Please enjoy your accomodations henceforth, as they were already built when I overheard that you had a preference for elves and I didn't have the heart to take them away from you.

-Sincerely, your soft hearted overseer

Dear Urist McLegend, the massive title of slaying

Why are you standing on the armor rack/forges not moving, saying that you cannot follow orders? Your conduct has earned you many suspensions of pay and your position as the commander of our military has been removed multiple times, though your combat prowess and previous experience continue to win it back. However as Urist McRecruit lay dying, being battered for months on end by a horde of angry goblins, you alone of your squad insisted that, standing in a perfectly accessible area with no doors, bridges, or any other possible obstructions in the way, that you could not follow your orders and save Urist McRecruit, nor your squad that rushed to their death at the hands of said goblins. Of the entire fort, you along with the baron and the migrant expert strand extractor were the only people who were not involved in the battle of the newly dubbed McRecruit Tunnel. Your position as commander has been revoked, and you are now the only member of the watch squad, who's sole purpose is to stand at the gate with the cougars and war dogs and serve as the last line of defense against the fortress. Enjoy your new post and docked pay.

- Your Exasperated Overseer

Dear Urist McEngraver

Urist McRecruit held off an entire siege worth of goblins for almost two seasons with nothing but his body and his trusty set of steel armor. Now I know you're not a fan of elves, but could you please engrave McRecruit SOMWHERE on our dining room wall, seeing as how you've engraved that one human killing elves at least fifteen times so far. Oh wait... those are all different elves? You mean he slaughtered an entire town of elves on his own? Hmm, screw McRecruit. Engrave a declaration of war against the humans and set up the cage traps, I think I've found the star of our arena.

Sincerely
-Your frantically plotting overseer

[krg]

Dear HFS,

I am truly sorry that when I embarked some cavern sections collapsed and now you have a route to the surface.
Could you please let me have a frame rate higher then 2 (when its going quick)?
This will be much appreciated and I will be able to do something.

Thank You,
Your Humble "Servant" (Please don't kill me),
Krg.

P.S.  Or is it the 2000 level spike of slade in the corner of the map doing this?
 Any comments that don't end in my fortress ending will be appreciated.

------

Dear HFS,

Thank you for your quick reply to my last letter.
Frame rate at a whopping 6 now.

Krg

[Nyxalinth]

Dear UristMacReady,

I do realize that you and your friends are embarked in a freezing biome, and the next supply plane caravan isn't due until Autumn.  I know it's an unsettling locale.  But really, I assure you, those penguins are just penguins.  They're not going to come after you.  and they most assuredly are not going to sprout fangs and tentacles and start screeching.  They're.  Just. Penguins.  Not The Thing.


I'm tired of cancellation spam.


Not amused,

Your overseer

[ThatAussieGuy]

Dear UristMacReady,

I do realize that you and your friends are embarked in a freezing biome, and the next supply plane caravan isn't due until Autumn.  I know it's an unsettling locale.  But really, I assure you, those penguins are just penguins.  They're not going to come after you.  and they most assuredly are not going to sprout fangs and tentacles and start screeching.  They're.  Just. Penguins.  Not The Thing.


I'm tired of cancellation spam.


Not amused,

Your overseer

Dear Overseer; 

You cant see their beady little eyes... We're pretty sure they plan to kill us and take our socks to wear as hats of victory.

Sincerely;
Your Frostbitten Dwarves.

[Cheveux]

You cant see their beady little eyes... We're pretty sure they plan to kill us and take our socks to wear as hats of victory.

My heart exploded.

[Nyxalinth]

You cant see their beady little eyes... We're pretty sure they plan to kill us and take our socks to wear as hats of victory.

My heart exploded.

*spits out coffee*  Seconded.

Dear Urist McGarry,

While I can appreciate wanting a clear area to build the still, the object blocking the area is just a seed.  You pick up rocks and move them.  A seed weighs  a zillion times less than a hunk of claystone.  Pick up the goddamned seed and move and it stop suspending the build!  Or do you want to be tied to a fucking couch all winter?

Hmmm, those penguins do look suspicious, after all...

the overseer

[Tevish Szat]

Dear Residents of Ironbear
Your infernal insistence to unbuild from the left of a constructed floor has delayed the sealing of the Monument Tower as I have to take out a wall just to rebuild it as a wall later.  I hope you're happy.  If it weren't for the fact that a corpse on the obelisk point would ruin the perfection of the tower, I would let you deconstruct the roof-access shaft like I'd planned and you insist and happily watch you starve to death ten stories above the ground.
Sincerely,
Your Overseer

Dear Gipest Grainring, Human Merchant
You may not know this, but our duchess here loves aluminum.  We have no aluminum in this mountain and can't order any from the Mountainhomes on account of them not having any either.  For YEARS she's been unhappy about that and has sentenced a good number of dwarves to "life" (until they starve or dehydrate) in prison for failing to make her aluminum items.  Last year you brought us a flask of the material, and I was happy -- a few more and I might be able to melt them and get an "industry" going.  This year, with another aluminum production mandate currently in place and in danger of going unfulfilled, you bring me a BAR!  A whole aluminum BAR!  For that and the usual food/booze/sand/dye, you're being sent home with over 10k in profit this year.
BRING MORE.
Sincerely,
Tevish Szat, Overseer of Ironbear

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear alligators,
DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST WOODCUTTERS THAT ALSO FULFILL OTHER VITAL PARTS OF MY FORTRESS??
Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear Mountainhomes,
I'm sorry that your diplomat had to leave without meeting with our expedition leader. However, there is a good reason for this.
SHE WAS STABBED TO DEATH BY A FUCKING GOBLIN SWORDSMAN!
Yours in capital letters and accidental entendres,
GreatWyrmGold, Overseer of Pickmouths.

Dear Athel Rewardbolt,
'Grats on getting first blood. You inflicted the first injuries on the goblin menace. Oh, and despite the fortress name, don't stick your pick in the goblin's mouth without going the rest of the way through the skull.
Dear rest of militia,
GO AND FIGHT THE GOBLINS!
Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear civilians,
In order to get you to SHUT UP about not being able to reach outside stuff thanks to the alert, and to try to attract the gobbos to our traps, I have disabled the alert. Remember: If When you see a goblin, run TOWARDS the fort.
Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear goblins,
There are a bunch of weak, defenseless civilians inside our fort. Just walk down out long, winding entrance area and ignore the carets...oh, wait, you left for some reason.
Sincerely,
GWG, local informant.

Dear fortress:
Our settlement, small as it is, repelled a goblin force. After four casualties, the foul beasts fled. We won...but at what cost? Several were wounded. Three military dwarves, our (second) expedition leader and broker, three alpacas, and a puppy were slain. All tragedies. Now clean up that mess! We might not mind the blood, but I don't want some kobold making off with all of our soldiers' equipment!
Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

[Angel Of Death]

Dear Urist McMiner

Please try to keep INSIDE when it's snowing. You wouldn't have to have all of this tissue removed from your face if you had done so.

Dear Urist McDoctor

Please skip the diagnosis. I want to see Urist McMiner covered in scars and shit for his stupidity.

[Reudh]

To the residents of Zalisiden,

Life is peaceful, but why have you become so soft? At the mere mention of a crundle you all run screaming, incoherent until you've left the fort. Dangerous behaviour, especially when a siege arrives.

[Melissia]

Dear Urist McAlmostStarvesAllTheTimeDueToHisOwnStupidity

Have you considered getting a shorter name?  I mean, "DoesNotStarveDueToHisOwnStupidity" is certainly much easier to fit on a tablet, I'm sure you'll agree. 

-- Overseer Melissia.

[Table Turning]

Dear oh so loyal population of Boatred,

I know, I know.  I was careless with the new expansion of the fort to twist around the caverns to get to the magma.  You may now see a troll beating on a door that has been walled off for a few seconds as you go down the stairwell.  I tried to floor the stair where you see him off, but you guys are too scared to floor it off.  The troll CAN'T get to you.  You CAN'T get to the troll.  It is beating on a door with no intentions other than its own enjoyment.

May I remind you of the horrific tales of the recently abandoned settlement of Redworks.  They had a circus over there.

Certainly, that is more frightening than a troll.
Now, get the damn hole walled up so you lot can get working on the magma forges again.

Love, the overseer.

[CaptainBadwheel]

Dear Engravers and Masons
We all know you like to make images of that one Bronze Colossus, you depict it traveling, and laboring. Just so you know it showed up at our doorstep and we struck it down at a cost of three of our own, half a caravan, and the tail end of a goblin siege. So could you please once depict it dying?
Overseer