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[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McChiefMedicalDwarf,
You have diagnosis on. You "find helping others rewarding" and are "willing to compromise with others." Diagnose the patient that's missing a foot already!

Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

[Alloran]

Dear Urist McChiefMedicalDwarf,
You have diagnosis on. You "find helping others rewarding" and are "willing to compromise with others." Diagnose the patient that's missing a foot already!

Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear Overseer GWG
C'mon now Boss, both you and me know what's wrong with the fella, he's missin' a foot! Don't take a doctor to tell you that. Now I'm gonna go have a drink while he figures out how to stumble around of there's nothing else ya need.
-Urist Mctoolazytogetacrutchchiefmedicaldwarf

[Vehudur]

Dwarves, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING IDIOTS.

Sock syndrome.

[GaxkangtheUnbound]

Dwarves, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING IDIOTS.

Sock syndrome.

Dear Unnamed Overseer,
I do believe your dwarves have the "Sockholm Syndrome". Please administer equal doses of magma to the source of the syndrome.
Sincerely,
Urist McOchberg

[Hitty40]

Dear UristMcGlassMandater:

Have you even realized we don't make glass here?

The Overseer

[DrKillPatient]

Dear Stinthad Splatteredgalleys, Competent Speardwarf,
I do believe you've just two-shot KO'd a cave dragon. A swift blow to the leg, it passes out, and you perform an instant lobotomy. Good work.

Dear Avuz Canyonsplashed, dragonfodder,
Oh stop whining, he only took off your left foot. Now get up and climb the 70z stairs to the doctor's waiting room, he's certainly not going to come down there for you, your blood-curdling screams probably can't even be heard from down there!

EDIT:
Avuz, I'm not really sure why no one is picking you up. I see you've just been attacked by a cave crawler, which took your left arm before getting axed in the tail and running off... Well, you'll be alright! It's just a flesh wound.

EDIT 2:
Aha, Dr. Erush Grouprings finally dragged you upstairs just as you were about to starve. If you survive this ordeal, you'll be the most limbless member of the fortress. Wear the title proudly.

EDIT 3: Indeed, he's survived. His title is now "Two-Limbed Aberration".

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McChiefMedicalDwarf,
You have diagnosis on. You "find helping others rewarding" and are "willing to compromise with others." Diagnose the patient that's missing a foot already!

Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear Overseer GWG
C'mon now Boss, both you and me know what's wrong with the fella, he's missin' a foot! Don't take a doctor to tell you that. Now I'm gonna go have a drink while he figures out how to stumble around of there's nothing else ya need.
-Urist Mctoolazytogetacrutchchiefmedicaldwarf

Dear Urist McChiefMedicalIdiot,
No matter the injury, even if it is a scratch that heals within a week, as soon as the patient is brought into the hospital area he needs to be diagnosed before anything can be done. So hurry up. Obligatory threats involving magma.
Sincerely,
GWG.

[Crustypeanut]

Dear Test Subject 9:

It has come to my attention that you disagree with my medical practices.  Surely, where you learned your medical skills did not involve experimentation of SCIENCE for the benefit of all dwarfkind.  Nor is it necessary for you to point out the indwarfane way I go about testing. 

For your information, dropping test subjects off of One to Twenty Story launch pads is the most dwarfane way of obtaining the relative ratio of dwarven survivability in the face of extreme gravity. 

Also, for your information, complaining about the two young children playing around on the landing pad, covered in the blood of their fellows and playing 'dress up the half-emaciated lamb' with the clothes of the deceased isn't necessary.  Children will be children, and any other complaints will have to be directed towards their mother, Nurse Helene.  I'm sure she'll be happy to give you an extra dose of tranquilizer for the occasion.

Please abstain from complaining about your treatment here at Ganadstot.  Its not my, or anyone else's fault you've had the nerve to survive more experimental drops than anyone else.  You could've been one of the tests that confirmed the high casualty rate from three story drops.  But no, you had to be the experiment's only survivor.  Live to test another day, and all that sort of thing.

And for the last time, quit complaining about needing a wheelchair.  I don't even know what those are.  You're perfectly capable of climbing the ten stories to your quarters, even with that lower spine injury of yours that caused your permanent loss of being able to stand. 



Your Benefactor and Chief Medical Officer of Ganadstot,

Dr. Logum, Ph. Dwarf

[Jake]

Dear UristMcGlassMandater:

Have you even realized we don't make glass here?

The Overseer

Dear Overseer,

Yes, I have. That's why I'm mandating some.

UristMcGlassMandator.

(Seriously, half a dozen bags of sand won't cost much and you must have one or two idle hands to put on the job. Let him have a couple of glass statues in his bedroom or something.)

[Vehudur]

I had a noble mandate sand and my map has no sand and the caravans had just left with winter due soon.

[Necro910]

Dear UristMcGlassMandater:

Have you even realized we don't make glass here?

The Overseer

Dear Overseer,

Yes, I have. That's why I'm mandating some.

UristMcGlassMandator.

(Seriously, half a dozen bags of sand won't cost much and you must have one or two idle hands to put on the job. Let him have a couple of glass floodgates in his bedroom or something.)

Fixed that for you.

[Jake]

*le sigh*

Dear Armok,

I realise all these extra aspects of you are pulling in the numbers, but our chances for meeting the criteria for all those tax breaks in Dunmanifestin would still go up significantly if more of your worshippers lived to a ripe old age. You might want to consider a commandment along the lines of "Thou shalt not make impossible mandates".

As would recruiting a few more Avatars who actually feel responsible for keeping the ornery little buggers alive and reasonably happy no matter how irritating they can be. Just sayin'.

Yours,

Avatar No. 2717281, "Jake".

[azrael4h]

Dear Urist McDefender and squad;

When I tell you to activate and go stand by the workshops near the nutcase demanding rock, I don't mean stand and admire the new well elsewhere. If you wish to be chunked down the well, that can be arranged, just make sure to leave your axe behind.

[Hitty40]

Dear Dwarves of Soaptreasure:

When there's 4 Goblin Bowmasters out in front of the walls, don't just sit there, get the hell back inside!

                                                           -non-mourning overseer

[Melissia]

Question to Urist:  Dwarves, Why do you come in waves that almost triple the size of my fortress population?