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[Hitty40]

Dear survive Dwarves who love metal and not wood of Abbeykiller:

Don't get fussy just because the Dwarves who loved wood killed themselves.

                                                          -G

[MadocComadrin]

Dear "G,"

An investigator has been sent from the Mountainhomes to investigate the circumstances behind the large number of recent deaths of those under your care at Abbeykiller. If he finds that foul play was involved, the consequences will involve a helmet, a Hammerlord, and 5 months straight of head-bashing. Your cooperation will be much appreciated.

Sincerely,

Dwarven Expeditionary Logistics and Accountability

[Hitty40]

Dear "G,"

An investigator has been sent from the Mountainhomes to investigate the circumstances behind the large number of recent deaths of those under your care at Abbeykiller. If he finds that foul play was involved, the consequences will involve a helmet, a Hammerlord, and 5 months straight of head-bashing. Your cooperation will be much appreciated.

Sincerely,

Dwarven Expeditionary Logistics and Accountability

Dear D.E.L.A,

Yes. Please send an investigator over who loves wood. I'll keep him company with the magma carp.

                                                          -G

[slathazer]

Dear Urist Mcarchers,
I know living in the fortress is tough, but When I stationed you at the ambush place, I expected you to actually AMBUSH the goblin hoarde running through our maze. You just stood around like idiots while the bad guys successfully hurled all of our infantry down the chasm.

Dear Urist Mcsiegeoperator,
I know that the goblins are scary. I know you fear for your life. With this in mind I decidedly built large stone fortifications to protect you from the goblins, and gave you ample ammunition and time to slaughter them all in time with Ballista bolts. You, however decided to run back and forth in the stockpiles without firing a single shot.

[whitecold]

Dear Urist McWeaponsmith

I was very happy about your fey mood. But then you insisted on Billon. Why? We have all these wonderful steel bars, but okay, go on, make your billon weapon we see how thats going.
But then you make a bow. a billon bow. thank you very much for this...

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McAllWet,
Why did you celebrate our embark by jumping into a pond?
GWG, Ovrsr.

[Reudh]

Dear Urist McMacedwarf and UristMcSwordsdwarf, HOW DID A LEGLESS GOBLIN THIEF MANAGE TO CRIPPLE YOU BOTH IN TWO TURNS? Seriously. Stabbed in the foot and you can't stand even after it's healed. I had great expectations of you two, what with you being indefatigable, mighty, tough and quick to heal...

Sincerely
Reudh, Overseer of Zalisiden

[RenoFox]

Dear Urist McJeweler

I know you were unhappy about the draft, but unlike the other recruits, you decided to take it out on your squadmates. When the sheriff beat you within inch of your life, breaking your legs and back, it was the most justified beating I've ever witnessed. Since then, every time I see you crawling through the mud fills me with a warm happy feeling that there is still justice in the world.

[Keldor]

Dear D.E.L.A,

Yes. Please send an investigator over who loves wood. I'll keep him company with the magma carp.

                                                          -G

Dear G,

I must confess that I have a great liking to wood.  After all, what other material has so many practical uses, all of which piss off elves?  The only time I don't like wood is when I see it stuck in the ground, unused, growing those leafy green things.  I'm sure you'll agree with my proposal that we cut down some more of those horrid "trees" so that we can produce more of those wonderful wooden earrings.

Yours Truely,
A wood-loving noble.

[Hitty40]

Dear D.E.L.A,

Yes. Please send an investigator over who loves wood. I'll keep him company with the magma carp.

                                                          -G

Dear G,

I must confess that I have a great liking to wood.  After all, what other material has so many practical uses, all of which piss off elves?  The only time I don't like wood is when I see it stuck in the ground, unused, growing those leafy green things.  I'm sure you'll agree with my proposal that we cut down some more of those horrid "trees" so that we can produce more of those wonderful wooden earrings.

Yours Truely,
A wood-loving noble.

Dear wood-lovng noble,

We have no need of trees in the first place. Our miners have discovered a metal that can be a substitute for wood, and is more abundant and possible to farm with, making it 50% more safer to retrieve, and yet is still a metal, no matter what.

Luckily for me, I don't have to backtrack you because of your anonymous message. We have blocked off the gates to the outside world and have our Hammerlord heading to your bedroom for... 'retraining'.
                                                                                     -G

[Ross Vernal]

Dear every dwarf who built my wall and then nearly starved to death:

Build the walls from the outside, not the inside.

Dear Urist McAxefaces:

When I tell you to sit and wait in a certain area, it means "Sit and wait in that area for invaders to come." It does not mean "Charge right past the station spot, and have a mass melee fight on top of my drowning dodge trap."

[Kaleb702 Games]

Dear whoever-is-in-charge-of-naming-things.

Whoever chose you / you people to be in charge of naming groups of people are terrible at your job / jobs.
Next time, pick something awesome. "The Roof of Reverence". Just what kind of a name is that? Goldenauras sounds much cooler. "Mistyworks" was a good name, however. Thanks for that one.

From, the Overdwarf.

[Bates]

Dear Urist McNurse,

Thank you for carrying Urist McHero to the hospital, he wouldn't have been able to get there himself with compound fractures in both legs.
I am truly grateful, since McHero is an inspiration to us all. I mean he killed two goblins and a troll after he had his legs broken and I believe, that he really turned the tide in that battle which we were losing.

So thanks for that.

But did you really have to wait for him to pass out from hunger, before helping him?
I mean his cries and moans of pain were really disturbing/distracting since he was lying in the middle of our training ground in the front courtyard.
That's not the kind of thing you want to see/hear when you are training to be the next defender/hero/casualty of the fortress...

Sincerely,

Urist McRecruit

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear alligator,
You crippled my tame jabberer. Do you know how lucky I am to have that? If this wasn't the first week of the fort, I would send my military to avenge my poor giant bird-monster's Achilles tendon.
Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, a name you will learn to fear.

[Ross Vernal]

Dear Urist Mc Dumbasses:

Congratulations! You've won yourself a free death via drowning bath by cleverly being anti-social or retarded enough to be walled into the Pump Stack Tower.