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[dei]

Dear Monom,

If one of your cave-ins kills the expedition leader and that hussie doctor he's always shacking up with, I will promote your ass - out of a cannon.

Sincerely, Dei

[outofpractice]

Dear Entire Military group,

I would like to thank you 15 wonderful dwarves for holding off a siege of 60 plus enemies. You did the fort proud and not a scatch on any of you! Oh the glory to the fort you brought. But seriously, when all 15 of you go out to clean up the last 5 units high up on the side of cliff, it should have been a cake walk.

Only seeing 2 of you return was super scary for the rest of the fort. Having to dig out the 8 bodies of military dwarves that decided to dodge off a 22zlvl high cliff into a stream was a little overkill I thought. Please learn to dodge towards solid ground, not open air. Its better for everyones health.

Sincerely
Your devoted Overseer.

[Niccolo]

Dear Urist McMigrant-

Yes, I know you're excited about military duty. That does not mean take off all your clothes out in the middle of the woods in preparation for your new uniform. You'll just have to go pick them up again when you go off duty, and that will probably lead to badger women. Not good, Urist McMigrant.

Sincerely,

Your Fortress

I think it's a creepy animal fixation. He wants to be naked around the badger women.

Dear Urists McFutureMoodables:

If you're going to tantrum, don't do it just after collecting the extremely expensive bars of steel that I imported in lieu of booze for everyone else. Have the decency to go insane before ruining everyone else's lives, okay?

[Shurhaian]

Attention Urist McWoodcutterAxedwarf:

Perhaps digging down to find the cavern before the settlers had even dug in from the wagon was premature. I will acknowledge and own that.

However, when a troglodyte and a few crundles came up through the stairway and the troglodyte started harrassing first the livestock, then the dwarves, I gave you orders to attack the troglodyte.

And you proceeded to run the other way, almost exactly.

To chase down a crundle who wasn't doing much of anything, and certainly not directly threatening your dwarven fellows.

Then, while you were wasting your time on that lovely pursuit, you got your axe stuck in the crundle's soon-to-be corpse, and you left it there. You started charging off toward Armok knows what, unarmed. I had to cancel your orders to make you pick the damn axe back up.

And then, when I reactivated you, telling you once again to chase down the troglodyte who was in hot pursuit of your team's engineer, you charged off in hot pursuit of the other crundle, leading directly to the demise of the poor pursued engineer. And the troglodyte was still free to attack the other dwarves.

If I'd had time to construct a Rising Water Room, you would so be assigned to it right now.

No love,
-The Overseer

[Greasemunky]

Dear Urist McRawmeatrecruit

Please don't run so fast into the goblins, wait up for everyone else, I promise there will be plenty of goblin to go around.


-Your good friend, Urist McOverseer.

P.S. Choose a weapon and stick with it, I really don't need a dorf with a bit of skill in all weapons.

[Necro910]

Dear Urist McMigrant-

Yes, I know you're excited about military duty. That does not mean take off all your clothes out in the middle of the woods in preparation for your new uniform. You'll just have to go pick them up again when you go off duty, and that will probably lead to badger women. Not good, Urist McMigrant.

Sincerely,

Your Fortress

Furry Dorfs?

What's next, straight elves?

[Hitty40]

Dear Dwarves of Abbeykiller,

I have warned you once, and still you get dwarves who love trees. This cannot go on any longer. Prepare for an unfortunate accident involving the recently hostile caged Elves and the FB in the caverns with deadly dust.

                                                                                       -My regards, your metal-loving overseer.

[DrPoo]

Dear 7 dwarves of IFORGOTTHENAMEOFMYOWNFORT

The frequent waves of bagder boars might look agressive, but you are dwarfs, please fight them instead of leaving my valueable spider silk yarn in the middle of nowhere.

Yours truly

Your flatulent overseer.

[Teronsuke]

Dear 7 dwarves of IFORGOTTHENAMEOFMYOWNFORT

The frequent waves of bagder boars might look agressive, but you are dwarfs, please fight them instead of leaving my valueable spider silk yarn in the middle of nowhere.

Yours truly

Your flatulent overseer.

Dear flatulent overseer, please consider a less bean-based diet in the future.

Also: we challenge you to stand and do battle with a vicious foaming monster that comes up to your knees while armed with nothing.

Yours Truly, The Dwarves of YOUFORGOTTHEFORTNAME

[MadocComadrin]

Dear Urist McGemCutter,

You are our part-time nurse. When there are no gems to be cut (and I can assure you, there are/were none), you are supposed to rescue the wounded. You don't have to haul things around in your spare time like most others, so tell me why it took half a season to retrieve the captain of our best Markdwarf squad? You're lucky he didn't suffer anything that would have caused him to bleed-out or there would have been...repercussions. Please act with more haste in the future or I will have said captain beat you with his crutch.

Sincerely,

The Overseer

[DrPoo]

Dear 7 dwarves of IFORGOTTHENAMEOFMYOWNFORT

The frequent waves of bagder boars might look agressive, but you are dwarfs, please fight them instead of leaving my valueable spider silk yarn in the middle of nowhere.

Yours truly

Your flatulent overseer.

Dear flatulent overseer, please consider a less bean-based diet in the future.

Also: we challenge you to stand and do battle with a vicious foaming monster that comes up to your knees while armed with nothing.

Yours Truly, The Dwarves of YOUFORGOTTHEFORTNAME

Dear Dwarves of IFORGOTTHENAMEOFMYOWNFORTRESS,

But i love beans!! D:

Yours truly, Peach your bean loving, and very flatulent overseer.

[Loyal]

(former) Mayor Litast Estotcatten:

It's disappointing we were unable to create cheetah-tooth items for you - again - But there is literally no reason for you to have locked up our Master Marksdwarf for the violation.

This is why you are no longer mayor. Consider yourself lucky you still have a job as broker, if only because I don't feel like training another and don't consider you important enough to stress-test the "structural integrity" of the new magma works.

~O.

P.S.: our imported cheetahs are breeding now, allowing us to train them for war. The previous cheetah-punching offer still stands.

[moki]

Dear Urist McCaptain,
You, Sir, are awesome. Keep up the good work. I planned to use your sqad of untrained recruits as diversion so the masons can quickly build a wall and stop the invasion, while you die outside. Face it, that's the life of a dwarf in the militia.
Against all my plans and orders, you didn't die but slaughtered about 50 goblins and 20 trolls. If you keep up that kind of efficiency until the fort is back to normal after the recent... problems, you'll be rewarded with luxurious rooms and better equipment. That is, if you manage to keep your squad alive and don't die to some goblin thief or pansy forgotten beast's syndromes, which seems to be a common theme with most of your colleagues in the recent past.

~the (still) hopeful overseer.



Dear Urist McDoctor,
I imagine, you were always ready to care for you patients for the last years, though nobody had any serious medical problems. Now after 9 years in "Helpmerchants", after the first real emergency which left some wounded dwarves at your skilled hands, you are having a break, eat, drink, have a party, drink some more, sleep, eat and have another party?! Didn't you notice that about 40 of your fellow dwarves just died, some are running around babbling and at least 10 are heavily wounded and dying in your hospital? Do you just not notice the gore and screams around you or have you decided to die at a party instead of helping those in need?
Seriously, get to work! I got you all necessary supplies, a state-of-the-art hospital and even an own office. What more do you want to do the work you aren't paid for?

~your overseer, with one hand at the lever, if you know what I mean.

[Eктωρ]

Dear UristMcMedicineDwarfandExpeditionLeader;

Going in a break while the only marksdwarf in the fortress agonizes after fighting a Giant Cave Spider is not very considerate to do, we could have saved a precious life and impeded the military for going unhappy at the loss of a friend.

Yours truely, UristMcDeadDwarfFriend

[sirdanilot]

Dear dwarves,

Please stop cancelling your jobs due to 'dangerous terrain', even though the fortress' main staircase has been turned into a waterfall due to an unfortunate digging error. Suck it up and swim through it. Please realize that digging out that new aquifer plug is of the utmost importance to solve the waterfall-staircase problem, and hurry up with it. While you're at it, please clean up the layer of mud in the main meeting hall - I know it was flooded once, but no reason to leave the mess is there?

Dear Ms. Asismosus, broker:
Please just ignore that brat of a child of yours and go trade with the caravan BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

Dear ingenious wheel driven machinery,

Please stop killing my framerate.