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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1557080 times)

Tiruin

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1965 on: July 18, 2011, 05:53:08 am »

dear urist mcswordsdwarf

i ordered you to go and kill the ambush before they killed the fisherdwarf.

you arrived on the scene in record time while he was being chased about.

however, you stood about 10 tiles away and watched for a good 30 seconds before deciding to help, shortly afterwards the fisherdwarf was dead. he wouldn't have died if you weren't USELESS.

sincerely,
homicidal invisible voice

PS. i have arranged for you to fight 10 trolls in the colosseum

PPS. okay, so the goblin thief was spotted by you, and you promptly lobbed its head off. i'll reduce your punishment to 5 trolls.

Dear Voice,

That fisherdwarf was as good as dead. I was busy getting their attention screaming at the top of my lungs and hitting my sword against my shield, the goblins didn't react.

I did arrive 10 "tiles" ,as you call it, away because I know that when I tire out in running, I will be just like the fisherdwarf. I know I didn't know him well and was just a passing acquaintance but at least I was able to avenge him by killing the goblins.

Thanks for letting me in the colloseum your mightyness, it gives me a chance to prove myself worthy to you whom I cannot contact directly, proven by that thief.

Completely yours,
Mc Swords
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zehive

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1966 on: July 18, 2011, 06:14:32 am »

dear urist mcswordsdwarf

i ordered you to go and kill the ambush before they killed the fisherdwarf.

you arrived on the scene in record time while he was being chased about.

however, you stood about 10 tiles away and watched for a good 30 seconds before deciding to help, shortly afterwards the fisherdwarf was dead. he wouldn't have died if you weren't USELESS.

sincerely,
homicidal invisible voice

PS. i have arranged for you to fight 10 trolls in the colosseum

PPS. okay, so the goblin thief was spotted by you, and you promptly lobbed its head off. i'll reduce your punishment to 5 trolls.

Dear Voice,

That fisherdwarf was as good as dead. I was busy getting their attention screaming at the top of my lungs and hitting my sword against my shield, the goblins didn't react.

I did arrive 10 "tiles" ,as you call it, away because I know that when I tire out in running, I will be just like the fisherdwarf. I know I didn't know him well and was just a passing acquaintance but at least I was able to avenge him by killing the goblins.

Thanks for letting me in the colloseum your mightyness, it gives me a chance to prove myself worthy to you whom I cannot contact directly, proven by that thief.

Completely yours,
Mc Swords

dear urist mcswordsdorf

you are amazingly agile, virtually never sick, possed of amazing recuperative powers, absolutely exhaustible, basically unbreakable and unbelievably strong. you have 131 'notable' kills, many of which are titans and entire sieges you brought down alone.

a short jog and a few goblins shouldn't have been a problem.
Also you left troll bits all over the place. Its cool and all but they spurt the color of candy, and it drives me mad. only aim for the arteries on goblins, please.

Regards,
Homicidal invisible voice

ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1967 on: July 18, 2011, 06:47:59 am »

To: The demented god possessing one of my metalcrafters
Re: Possession

I understand your whims to possess and guide my minions dwarves into building amazing things beyond their capabilities, but why, WHY would you pick the crippled metalcrafter with four bad limbs and make him crawl all over the fort over a period of months to get the materials.  He's only just started building, the poor bastard.  It's obscene, cruel, and i'm utterly jealous that i cant do that to them myself.

Sincerely; Evil Dwarven Overlord.

Tiruin

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1968 on: July 18, 2011, 07:57:17 am »

dear urist mcswordsdorf

you are amazingly agile, virtually never sick, possed of amazing recuperative powers, absolutely exhaustible, basically unbreakable and unbelievably strong. you have 131 'notable' kills, many of which are titans and entire sieges you brought down alone.

a short jog and a few goblins shouldn't have been a problem.
Also you left troll bits all over the place. Its cool and all but they spurt the color of candy, and it drives me mad. only aim for the arteries on goblins, please.

Regards,
Homicidal invisible voice

Dear Voice,

When you are truly agile and superdwarvenly strong, you will understand the meaning of not tired. Even heroes have to rest. About that troll splatter, I am a soldier, I am trained to kill, not do precise strikes so there will be less "mess". What would you do in my shoes if you had trolls bearing down on you? A dwarf has to do what a dwarf has to do to live. One lucky hit and it might be the end of me no matter how good I am.

That is what cleaning is for.

And thank you for guiding me my homicidal voice, thanks to you I know I am not that insane

Yours truly,
Swordsy
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ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1969 on: July 18, 2011, 08:13:29 am »

To: Momuz Mysteryglazed
Re: Digging and where to do it.

You saw that we were carving out a new reservoir.  You saw that it's three stories high.  AND you're a Legendary Miner!  So WHY did you decide to stand on the top floor as you cut the last rim piece to drop it down and clear the entire thing?  You're damn-near dead, unconcious with most limbs in the red and your liver and left kidney are blue.  If you had pay, it'd be docked.  As-is, if you survive, you'll be part of testing the Knifemurders liquid superweapon. Both the hot and cold liquid tests.  If you survive that, all will be forgiven.

Tiruin

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1970 on: July 18, 2011, 08:32:50 am »

To: Momuz Mysteryglazed
Re: Digging and where to do it.

You saw that we were carving out a new reservoir.  You saw that it's three stories high.  AND you're a Legendary Miner!  So WHY did you decide to stand on the top floor as you cut the last rim piece to drop it down and clear the entire thing?  You're damn-near dead, unconcious with most limbs in the red and your liver and left kidney are blue.  If you had pay, it'd be docked.  As-is, if you survive, you'll be part of testing the Knifemurders liquid superweapon. Both the hot and cold liquid tests.  If you survive that, all will be forgiven.

Dear      
We miners have standard protocol to do in mining, every dwarf who carries a pick and is enlisted as a miner has to swear the miner oath to mine first from the western direction. Every dwarf knows that.

There is no greater honor than seeing a Legend of our guild go out in the blaze of glory following this oath. To the overseer, we are truly sorry for his loss but give him great care if you will it, he knows what he was doing all this time.

Regards,
The Miner's Guild
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ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1971 on: July 18, 2011, 08:36:58 am »

I am aware of the western standard, indeed the left-sided masonic brotherhood thank me for regularly complying to their standards in my designs.  However, this miner chose North over South.

lanceleoghauni

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1972 on: July 18, 2011, 08:40:10 am »

Dear [Redacted],

Your stunning idiocy and recent temper tantrum which killed: 3 Cats, a Fisherdwarf, and Multiple pieces of Furniture; has brought you to the attention of FortSec. We are here to inform you that you no longer exist. you will not be missed, you will not be mourned, no one will even remember who you are. you are not a hero for attempting to fight us. you have not inspired another to greatness.

There will not even be anything left to bury.

*atomsmashes the ThoughtCriminal*
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"Mayor, the Nobles are complaining again!"

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Tiruin

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1973 on: July 18, 2011, 08:52:31 am »

I am aware of the western standard, indeed the left-sided masonic brotherhood thank me for regularly complying to their standards in my designs.  However, this miner chose North over South.

In addition to the oath, it starts like this. Mine/Build West > East > North > South > NW > SW > NE > SE.

Everyone seems to forget that there are four sides of the masonic brotherhood these days...And mixes in between them.  :)

Edit: Oops, forgot my letter Urist.
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UltraValican

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1974 on: July 18, 2011, 08:55:13 am »

dear shocked Overlord,

you may want to double check the civ screen before embarking

with love,

Starting Seven
I checked the civ screem before I embarked, all races were listed except dwarves, and goblins appeaered as a normal civ, I checked the raws and I had [CREATURE:GOLBIN] right under dwarf in the entity raws.
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ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1975 on: July 18, 2011, 08:57:15 am »

I am aware of the western standard, indeed the left-sided masonic brotherhood thank me for regularly complying to their standards in my designs.  However, this miner chose North over South.

In addition to the oath, it starts like this. Mine/Build West > East > North > South > NW > SW > NE > SE.

Everyone seems to forget that there are four sides of the masonic brotherhood these days...And mixes in between them.  :)

Edit: Oops, forgot my letter Urist.

And i commend your brotherhood's lack of survival instinct.  They managed to get Momuz down to the hospital where he's resting with a broken upper left arm, lower right arm, right hand, both upper legs, right foot, left hip and right ankle.  I suspect if i'd gone for a 4-storey reservoir, i'd need several guys with bags to clean him off the floor.

Elisebambi

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1976 on: July 18, 2011, 02:00:46 pm »

Dear Gremlin,

I know that you are not officially part of our fortress, here at Mountaingate, The prison of immortals, but as you reside here, you do factor in to the fabric of our tight knit little community.  Now, I am ashamed that it wasn't until very, very recently that I became aware that you were even here--but, even so, I had taken adequate precautions to ensure that if you, or some other curious creature were to enjoy our hospitality, that no serious consequences would arise from any objects you might interact with---which is why that lever you pulled was behind several locked doors, with various animals chained up in the passage ways leading to, and even a few sets of bars, hatches, etc along the way.   Now, as soon as my friend, Urist McBringerofbadnews told me he had met you, I send him stumbling towards the panic room to disassemble our special lever--unfortunately, you arrived at it much sooner than him.

Now, the fact that that lever was connected to every cage inside of our prison was maybe a little foolish, but, it was thought to be an appropriate safe-guard against invaders in the worst-possible scenarios.  Now that my beautiful home has a fire breathing monster, an acid blooded beast, several destructive trolls, and a few dwarf-hungry giants stomping about in it, it makes me wonder, why, oh why, would you do this to me?

Sincerely,
A very, very busy overseer.
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Elisebambi

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1977 on: July 18, 2011, 04:27:44 pm »

Dear Urist McChiefofMedicine,

I am writing to inform you that while I was not thrilled when you, a previously unskilled laborer, told me that of all of our starting seven, you were the most willing, and qualified to fill the roll of our chief medical expert...  I have nothing but praise for your work to give.

When Urist McBadatmining caused a cave in whilst channeling under a ramp, and broke his left leg, bruised his liver, cheek, hip, and hand, I thought he would just die eventually... but you dedicated every moment of your time to feeding, and bringing water to him while the rest of the fortress scrambled to produce the many items required to get Urist back on his feet.  Your incessant nagging about the need for thread fell on deaf ears for a long time... truth be told I thought we had no means to produce the thread you wanted--after a rogue monkey stole our only pig tail seeds... well, I guess I figured Urist was sol.  But you went out and foraged until you found a plant that you could turn into a suitable thread--you had a dirt room, with a table, and a bed.   We had a murky pool which you were forced to use to clean Urist's cut---the well and filtering system nowhere near completed.

You, untrained, discovered how to properly suture a wound,--you managed to avoid infection, and keep urist from dying.   That in itself was an amazing accomplishment, but you went above and beyond, you produced every thread of the cloth you used to dress Urist's wounds.   You cut down every tree which was used to make the splint, and crutches he needed.  You brought Urist food, and drink while you were hungry, and thirsty--putting him ahead of yourself each step of the way.

I was amazed to an unfathomable extent when I entered the hospital this morning to discover Urist wasn't in bed--but walking, walking to go straight back to his duties.   After almost three entire seasons confined to a dirty little room--he was ready, and able to continue working.

Urist McChiefofmedicine.  You have my gratitude, and everlasting admiration for your work.

-Your loving overseer.

P.s. If any other dwarf in our fortress worked as well as you, the corridors wouldn't be filled with miasma, the food-stockpile would be in barrels instead of laying on the ground, the yak skull that has been preventing me from building a staircase would have been moved months ago, we would have rooms for every dwarf, and you would have had everything you needed within days of requesting it.   But alas, you are surrounded by morons who will hurt themselves regularly.  At least you will be able to practice your skills often.

P.p.s. if you feel the need to do any experimentation on our dwarves, feel free, I will turn a blind eye to it.

p.p.p.s.  Urist McBadatmining just fell again, he is being carried to the hospital.
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Niccolo

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1978 on: July 18, 2011, 07:20:30 pm »

WoT snip

That, right there, is one badass doctor. "What? We have no splints? Not a single length of wood in the whole fortress? Then I shall cut down the trees myself!" There's above and beyond your duty and then there's that guy.

Seriously, his compassion attribute must be through the roof.
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I have issues channeling it properly to do that method. I end up flooding the fortress with magma.
Check out my RtD!

UltraValican

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1979 on: July 18, 2011, 07:24:56 pm »

Dear Ursit McMiner,
I'm glad to see your HAPPY about almost being crush by a block dirt, but I hate to inform you that getting covered in dust dos NOT constitute a bath.
-With Love,
Your somewhat shocked ruler.
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