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[zehive]

Dear Urist McBrokerdwarf

I DISABLED ALL YOUR GODDAMN LABORS SO THAT YOU WOULDNT BE BUSY MOVING MOVING ROCKS AND PULLING WEEDS OUT OF THE GROUND SO THAT YOU WOULD TRADE AT THE DEPOT AND NOW THE CARAVAN HAS LEFT. WHY THE HELL YOU EVER CONSIDERED STORING ITEMS IN BINS, WHILE YOUR HAULING LABORS WERE OFF, WAS MORE IMPORTANT THEN TRADING FOR THE MUCH NEEDED EMPTY BARRELS AND DRINKS THE CARAVAN WAS FULL OF WHILE THE FORTRESS IS DEBOOZEDRATED I'LL NEVER KNOW. YOU'LL BE LUCKY IF I DON'T THROW YOU IN THE SAME ROOM AS ONE OF THE MANY STILL ARMED GOBLINS WE HAVE. ARMOK PROTECT YOU.

Sincerely,
Homicidal invisible voice

PS. I don't think the humans will be very happy with us now that I killed them all.

[schussel]

Dear MC Homicidal invisible voice Capslocki thingy,

thats what cancel job is for at the jobs menu ... since i was busy .. i did like everybody ... shuffleing (stuff around .. ok that was a bad one).

Greetings,

McBrokerdwarf (still carrying that heavy linen sock)

[MangyHobo]

Dear Cats..

Please for the love of god stop commiting suiside in the fortress drinking water and causing the dwarfs to throw up all over the place.

Signed: BakedCreature The Immortal Eater of Mushrooms

[Fredd]

 Dear Evil Tyrant,
we all appreciate the spells you learned from the dark wizard Perterix. The magma you created will save us lots of time not having to mess with the magma deep in the bowels of the earth. The problem is why did you cast a spell that created a mass of water several stories high to fill the swimming pool? When it appeared, it caused the worst mess since the booze supply blew up. Besides the mess, scared the heck out of the livestock, nearby dwarves, and whats worse the goblins in the seige outside the gates, after they finished laughing, called us idiots, and left the territory.
 Sincerely,
Your loyal, and very wet peon.

[LordExumius]

Dear brewer

Please use the 27 empty barrels available to you and stop complaining about food storage devices.

deer overseer,

please make sure that the barrels are not reserved for stockpiles, we always make sure that every stockpile has an empty barrel!

urist mcbrewer

Dear brewer,

You have the nerve to call me a deer? Do you realise that such an insult will warrant several unnecessarily brutal beatings from the sheriff?

Incidentally,

 Dear Sheriff,

Would you kindly tone down the unnecessary brutality of your beatings?
 
The Overseer

[andyman564]

Dear UristMcPyro,

why on earth did you think that the best time to complete that wall segment was DURING a raging forest fire!? though i have to admit that i'm astounded that you did, in fact run through the inferno, complete the construction, and then proceeded to run back through the fire to the safety of the fort, somehow avoiding being set on fire in the process. though i am relieved that you are alive (only because you are one of my best masons), if i catch you pulling another stunt like that again i'm locking you out.

-The Overseer-


Dear UristMcIdiot,

you were literally a single step outside our gates when you discovered the goblin ambush. all you had to do was turn around and run through the trap filled corridor to safety. WHY IN ARMOKS NAME DID YOU CHARGE THE GOBLINS! Your body will be left to rot on the surface, the only memory of you will be a microline slab, which will promptly be chucked into the magma pit.

-The Overseer-

[arzzult]

Beloved and Dreaded Overseer,

What is fire?

With !!groveling!!, UristMcPyro.

[ThatAussieGuy]

To Urist McLegendarySpearDwarf

You killed the damn FB, why the hell are you and your squad STANDING IN THE *CENSORED* *CENSORED*'ing *VERY CENSORED* FIRE?  Three of your squad have titles and multiple FB kills each, for Armok's sake!

[zehive]

Dear Urist McMacedwarf

I understand the export of amulets was prohibited, but I thought that was stupid and traded them anyway. But for the love of Armok why did you decide to kill anyone who handled a bin containing them. Enjoy starving to death

Sincerely,
Homicidal invisible voice

PS. The fortress has now entered an irreversible tantrum spiral I'll see to it that before everyone dies the armed goblins are all released, mostly infront of you.

[Reudh]

Dear population of Boldropes,

When I marked an object for dumping, please do so immediately. When I order a goblin's clothing dumped so he is easy pickings for the military, please do so without any fuss.
Please honour the dwarf "Sparkzlite" Mengnelas. While he is critically injured and is probably still very weak, he spends a lot of time idling so BE HIS FRIEND. He needs something like that. I know you all idle a lot too, so strike up a conversation with the poor lad.

Sincerely,
Reudh, minor deity of Boldropes and your overseer.

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McLefty,

If it were any other dwarf, I would accept your "cannot pick up equipment: too injured" complaint at face value. I mean, you're missing your right hand and have some scrapes elsewhere. But in deference to your condition, I unequipped the gauntlet you couldn't wear, and the weapon you weren't using, since you have an iron shield and some wrestling and punching skills. And that stopped the complaints for a little while, but when I tell you to go out and kill goblins, I expect you to go and start splitting some skulls.

Instead, you sprinted to the main gate to meet the goblins and tried stealing the dead ones' gloves, until one got too close. The reports of the resulting noises were: *PA-KANG* "Fecking gloves!" and you ran off to go sulk.

You don't have room for more gloves. Now get back out there and start clobbering some greenies.

[Reudh]

Dear Oda Sedmeemeg, human hammerman guard of the caravan of Iquimong,

Why on earth have you taken up residence in Boldropes? Your friends have long since left and you have not left the entrance of my fort in months, and yet you show no signs of weakening.

Sincerely, confused overseer of Murakgoden,
Reudh

[noah22223]

Dear Oda Sedmeemeg, human hammerman guard of the caravan of Iquimong,

Why on earth have you taken up residence in Boldropes? Your friends have long since left and you have not left the entrance of my fort in months, and yet you show no signs of weakening.

Sincerely, confused overseer of Murakgoden,
Reudh

Dear Reudh,
I was ordered by our noble king to stay and help guard the fortress, as a testament of good will.
As so, I WILL NOT FUCKING LEAVE. EVER.

Sincerely,
Oda

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear All Dwarves,
I understand you do not like running towards immediate danger, even if it leads to long-term survival. However, when danger is to one side and the fort to the other, do NOT run in a random direction unless it is towards the fortress. Capiche?

Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

[Kay12]

Dear Late Urist McMason

Remove those scaffoldings now, they're security threat now that we have the trap bridge ready NO DON'T START THERE YOU SODDING FOOL, IT'LL COME DOWN!

I'll be missing the five other casualties.


Yours
K the Overseer