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[Laughing Man]

Dear Urist McMarksdorf,

I know you hate goblins.  I do to.  But you're not even in your underwear at the moment, so could you NOT charge out through the trap corridor into the middle of a seige when you run out of bolts?  Seriously, the ammo pile is right freaking next to you.

[beefsupreme]

Dear Urist McStoneworker,

Given that you were selected to build the walls of a chamber DESIGNED to drown those inside it, did you think it would be a good idea to stand on the side of the wall you stood on? I understand it's exciting new technology, and I don't like you enough to stop you from testing it yourself.

[Oaktree]

Dear Militia Dwarves,

I understand your heads are solid bone.  But I still want you to wear the helms and caps issued as part of your uniform.  Your fellow citizens slaved in the magma sea to mine that ore, fought off magma crabs, and slaved at the forges to get the skills to make these high quality pieces of armor and superior weaponry.  You may think it is macho to fight goblins and trolls without head protection and to bite the troll as your initial attack but the management does not approve.

[Jacob/Lee]

Dear UristMcStarkRavingMad,

Please die faster. We would like to hawk your crap to the merchants.

Yours truly,
The Dwarves of Realmstaff

[ThatAussieGuy]

To the slackers, idlers and layabouts of Knifemurders;  When i tell you to fill a pond, I mean "everyone get a bucket and start filling".  Not "One guy with a bucket, if he's nearby".  If this behaviour continues, a new cleaning regiment will be implemented involving magma baths.  That is all.

[Greiger]

To ThatAussieGuy, overseer.

Union rules sir,  Rule # 67 states that only one dwarf may carry a bucket at a time per pond zone no matter how large.  If you have a large enough pit you wish to fill full of water it is perfectly within union rules to make multiple pond zones to get more than one dwarf assigned to the job at a time.

Sincerely going on break,
Urist McRulemonger.

[ThatAussieGuy]

I am well aware of this rule, and have noted that progress is still glacier-like.  The insubordination has been noted and the hallways rigged to flush those that have displeased me (read; all residents of Knifemurders unlucky enough to be in them) into the magma sea.  Good Day.

[Sutremaine]

i've recently had an outbreak of that.  solved it with 2 tile drink only stockpile set to 2 barrels, and setting it to take from the main drink stockpile.  dwarves are more eager to haul than take care of their fellows.  i also have a 1 tile stockpile for prepared food set to no barrels.  sometimes i have to micromanage which jailcell is taking from the main piles [....]

Meh, just have all the cells running on the same stockpile. You can create a food stockpile and snip out individual tiles, and then create a drink stockpile over the top and repeat the process. Since the single drink stockpile will only take a single empty barrel, you won't be needing two drink tiles per cell.

[Greiger]

1 tile pond zones seem to work in the jails too.  If they can reach them they should drink from those, then it's just a matter of food.

Why let the criminals drink the good booze after all.

[YetAnotherStupidDorf]

Dear McZoophile,
You do not really have to drag back this wolf that you wanted to put in pasture. No, really. I do not ring "all civilians to burrow" alert for shits and giggles. Leave this dumb animal and RUN AWAY.
Your Armok.

[MrShovelFace]

Dear Urist McHammerlord

I understand your thinking that it is OK to let yourself be dragged into a butcher's shop by a crazed dorf but let me assure you that fighting back is a much healthier alternative. I can't guarantee the next time this happens it will be on the mayor's bones.

Your's truly, the god of blood

[RAKninja]

1 tile pond zones seem to work in the jails too.  If they can reach them they should drink from those, then it's just a matter of food.

Why let the criminals drink the good booze after all.

because there is no gold to meet the duchess' demand for it.  that and my metalworking industry has military experience.  and i have a few thousand spare units of booze.

i keep good jail cells, but i also keep 3 (or four if you count a donkey bone artifact shortsword) of the fortress guard armed with lethal weapons.  i also use the fortress guard to train folks for full time duty in the militia.

justice in bronzetools is usally lax and lavish, but there exists the possibility for "characteristic" dwarven brutality.

dear urist mccleaner:

please find the puddle of forgotten beast gunk that causes whoever steps in to to spontaneously and with little to no warning die, and clean it up.  it can only be a single tile.  i know there are litterally thousands of things that need hauling, but this is kind of important.  i'd rather not having to draft you guys so to experiment on which puddle of goo is causing death.

your loving dictator.

[ThatAussieGuy]

dear urist mccleaner:

please find the puddle of forgotten beast gunk that causes whoever steps in to to spontaneously and with little to no warning die, and clean it up.  it can only be a single tile.  i know there are litterally thousands of things that need hauling, but this is kind of important.  i'd rather not having to draft you guys so to experiment on which puddle of goo is causing death.

your loving dictator.

You DON'T want to experiment on them?  How else will you know what to inflict on the elves and goblins?

[RAKninja]

dear urist mccleaner:

please find the puddle of forgotten beast gunk that causes whoever steps in to to spontaneously and with little to no warning die, and clean it up.  it can only be a single tile.  i know there are litterally thousands of things that need hauling, but this is kind of important.  i'd rather not having to draft you guys so to experiment on which puddle of goo is causing death.

your loving dictator.

You DON'T want to experiment on them?  How else will you know what to inflict on the elves and goblins?

the elves and goblins have no business in the mineshaft where the goo must be.  not only is there an opening to the third cavern layer (and escape) but it leads to my magma industry.  takes long enough getting stuff down there that i'd like to avoid having job cancellations.  as i know no way to scoop the goo up and dump it onto any elf or goblin, all that can be done is clean up, so i do not lose any more precious, precious haulers.  my fort is built to support a little over 200 dwarves, and i've had >150 for almost 5 years now.  too many jobs, not enough dwarves to do them.

add to that, i care for my dwarves.  i have flooded other forts, and brough various disasters to them, but this particular bunch of them seem hardworking, and obliging to my whims, so i'd like to keep them around.

[ThatAussieGuy]

To the miners and masons of Knifemurders;

When i give you an order to dig a channel or build a wall that has a closed space on the opposite side, it would be appreciated if you would not stand on the enclosed side of it.  I don't have time to check if you knuckleheads are smart enough to know which side to stand on when it's part of a large pumpstack.  If this continues, I'll stop looking and leave you to the inevitable rising magma, or starvation.  Whichever comes first.