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[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear All Urists Of All Professions:
Learn from the mistakes of your comrades, and when confronted with a giant cave spider, run, don't sleep!
Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Ovrsr.
P.S. Why did you name the place HALLCARNAGES?

Seriously, I had this happen to TWO dwarves in a row, with the same GCS!

[Flaede]

Dear All Urists Of All Professions:
Learn from the mistakes of your comrades, and when confronted with a giant cave spider, run, don't sleep!
Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Ovrsr.
P.S. Why did you name the place HALLCARNAGES?

Seriously, I had this happen to TWO dwarves in a row, with the same GCS!

Has fainting been implemented on the sly?

[lazygun]

To Momuz Anametur

You have Feed Patients/Prisoners labour enabled. You have no other labours enabled. So please explain why Goden Dorenniral just died of thirst in the jail cells.

On second thoughts, just report to the lowest level of the fort, where we are about to channel into the magma sea to create a disposal chute for all the Voracious Cave Crawlers, Jabberers and so on that are cluttering our cages. You will remain restricted to that burrow with no food, water or bed, with the job of pitching each beast into the magma, until one way or another it results in your demise.

Yours sincerely

Your friendly fortress overseer.

[Icee77]

Dear Urist McChampion.
     You were supposed to be training. But INSTEAD you walked onto an ice river!!!! NOT ONLY DID YOU DROWN TO DEATH, YOU ALSO CAUSED A GOSHDARN TEMPER SPIRAL! I hate you.

From,
Angry Overseer.

[RAKninja]

To Momuz Anametur

You have Feed Patients/Prisoners labour enabled. You have no other labours enabled. So please explain why Goden Dorenniral just died of thirst in the jail cells.

On second thoughts, just report to the lowest level of the fort, where we are about to channel into the magma sea to create a disposal chute for all the Voracious Cave Crawlers, Jabberers and so on that are cluttering our cages. You will remain restricted to that burrow with no food, water or bed, with the job of pitching each beast into the magma, until one way or another it results in your demise.

Yours sincerely

Your friendly fortress overseer.

i've recently had an outbreak of that.  solved it with 2 tile drink only stockpile set to 2 barrels, and setting it to take from the main drink stockpile.  dwarves are more eager to haul than take care of their fellows.  i also have a 1 tile stockpile for prepared food set to no barrels.  sometimes i have to micromanage which jailcell is taking from the main piles (mainly due to urist mcnewmayor getting elected and immediately banning the export of large gems right as a caravan was leaving the map with a shipment full of exported large gems) when a lot of jailcells are full, but the one odd failed production order should usually go to the same cell with those stockpiles being the ones active for taking from the main stockpiles.

dear goblins,
 the arrow in the arm of my nudist duchess was the last straw.  that and my military is reduced to a squad and a half.when you come to play, i'm locking up.  i dont care if it's two back to back sieges lasting from late summer to early summer.  we are entirely self contained now, with our only problems being the occasional forgotten beast from the caverns that i should really consider walling off.  stop wasting your time, for one day, my warriors will get around to picking up all this candy armor i'm making for them (they've allready got the weapons, so dont push it), and they will slaughter whatever goblins can make it through twenty tiles of cage traps, bordered by forty tiles of fully loaded weapon traps.

kindest regards,
the guy who runs bronzetools.

[Awesome0Person]

Dear Urist McStupidwife,

For the love of Armok don't bring your three children into the danger room. Yes, I know that your husband is there, and more importantly, so the wine, but a tantruming Axe Lord with full iron armor, a copper shield and a masterwork Adamantine battleaxe would not be the best thing for the fortress.

Your sociopathic Overseer

[scuba]

dear Mr legendary crossbowman/hunter

Next time i tell you to kill a deer. When you run out of ammo dont jump in the lake after it.


the guy looking for your replacement >.<

[ledgekindred]

Dear Forgotten Beasts

Will you just cut it out.  I get it.  There's a lot of you.  Please stop coming onto my map for a day or two?  I can't get anything done at the magma pools because you keep running onto the  map and scaring my dorfs.  So far I've been lucky and you have been a bunch of pushovers  (except for that one with the dust that made my best axedwarf's lungs rot, I hate you.)  Yes, I know I embarked in a terrifying biome with no water and no volcano, because I wanted a challenge, but this is ridiculous.  So please, please, please, just stay home for a while.

Yrs,
Frustrated Overseer

[UltraValican]

dear Mr legendary crossbowman/hunter

Next time i tell you to kill a deer. When you run out of ammo dont jump in the lake after it.


the guy looking for your replacement >.<

Thats strange, I thought dwarves auto forbid shot ammo.

[shadenight123]

dear Mr legendary crossbowman/hunter

Next time i tell you to kill a deer. When you run out of ammo dont jump in the lake after it.


the guy looking for your replacement >.<

Thats strange, I thought dwarves auto forbid shot ammo.

i think it's more of a "the dwarf tried to hit the deer with the crossbow in melee"

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear All Urists Of All Professions:
Learn from the mistakes of your comrades, and when confronted with a giant cave spider, run, don't sleep!
Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Ovrsr.
P.S. Why did you name the place HALLCARNAGES?

Seriously, I had this happen to TWO dwarves in a row, with the same GCS!

Has fainting been implemented on the sly?

No. I think what happened was: Haul item to tomb job got canceled, dwarf got tired, I didn't have dorm/bedrooms set up yet so the dwarf fell asleep right there...

[Zaphod]

Dear Urist Mc medicaldwarf,

I know you were only drafted as our head medical dwarf because you once took a class on cpr, so we don't expect you to work miracles. But please to not take a 3 day break from your duties immediately after a goblin siege. Then proceed to complain that there aren't enough statues in you're bed room while one our most valuable soldiers dies from an infected paper cut.

PS.
I will kill you if you let this infinitly more valuable dwarf die.

Love and kisses,

Armok: The God of blood.

[Aachen]

Dear dwarves:

You know there's a terrifying necrotic disease going around the fort. You know that it came from that horrible, horrible chickadee monster — the doctors have their observations. You know that there are pools of extract around. Why can't you put it all together and

a) avoid the damned puddles
b) clean up the damned puddles
c) be quicker with the damned surgery!

I'm surprised there's anything left of any of your feet!

This is almost too horrifying to bear. And, c'mon, doctors .... get your colleagues on their feet first. The farmers and children can wait!

[Kay12]

Dear Dwarves in the military:

You are enraged about long patrol duty, but have you even realized that you got the nicest jobs in the entire fortress? You don't farm, you don't toil, you get food and drink and I'm even making sure it's of high quality! You get to sleep in an area restricted from others, you have fancy equipment while some of the civilians lack even basic clothing. The entire fortress is adequately defended by traps, so the only thing I really expect you to do is to kill disarmed goblin prisoners (something you seem to enjoy) and spar every once in a while.

If you find your military jobs uncomfortable, I can arrange you jobs at the carp vats. Just be careful not to pull the "fill vat" lever while inside.

[TheOddDemon]

Dear Urist Mcmayor:

I know you have a lot to do. We all do. But you have an arrow in your head. Don't you think you should get that checked?

Dear Urist Mcfisherdwarf:

The gorillas that come by the river each year are not friendly. They will kill you, as they have killed the other three fishers right in front of you. So please stop sitting there and move.

Dear Urist Mccaptain:

You have a bedroom fit for a king. You have a personal dining room filled with masterwork furniture. You are friends with almost everyone in the fortress. So it's pretty selfish to still be "very unhappy". If this continues, you will be sent to explore the caverns.

Best regards,

Your Demon Overlord.