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[Khris]

Dear Mister Mayor,
you have absoloutely no reason to be pissed just because we didn't make your stupid rose gold items.
Maybe you keep your noble head too high above reality already to be aware that WE HAVEN'T FOUND ANY GOLD AT ALL HERE!!

[Tcei]

Dear Skeletal Camels, both Named and Unnamed.

We at the prison fort of Abbypains would like to thankyou for your zeal in seeing to it that no prisoner can escape alive! However as we are a fort it would be greatly appreciated if you let us dig in first and then started killing runners. As it is, we regret to inform you that after 6 reclaims and the death of 49 brave dwarves (most of them armored) we are discontinuing the use of that site as our future prison.

 Best of luck with all the ghost!

Sincerely,
The Mountain Homes.

[PCpaste]

Dear Urist,

Why did you feel the need to go on break for almost an entire season when you were the only thing that could keep the fortress from dying of thirst?

Thanks,
Your Overseer

[Flaming Toadstool]

Dear Urist McHauler

When I say bring those beds to the hospital, I damn well mean it. Now our first victim to stupidity is lying in his own bed instead of the hospital beds, and it will probably get messy. Good going, moron.

Yours in seething anger,
The Administration.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McCarpenter,
I know the "build site" is submerged. At least wait until you are almost done before canceling! At this rate we should be done piercing the aquifer in...three years.
Sincerely,
At least you don't fall asleep in the aquifer.

[Flaming Toadstool]

Dear Urist McBroker

When the trade caravan comes, you GET YOUR ASS TO THE TRADE DEPOT instead of staying ON BREAK! Do you understand? Probably not. Idiot.

Yours most malevolently,
The Administration.

[shadenight123]

To my worthy dogs.
Thank you for being there.
Since without you, our military wouldn't have enough time to prepare itself.
And especially to the NON-war dog.
Since they did more then the war dogs.
thanks for taking down the minotaur.
More meat for all of you.

[PCpaste]

Dear Urist,

Why did you feel the need to go on break for almost an entire season when you were the only thing that could keep the fortress from dying of thirst?

Thanks,
Your Overseer

Dear Urist,

I am very happy you survived the booze-less apocalypse that you brought on from your break.

Thanks for doing that again, you sure are showing you're worth not throwing in the goblin pit.

Thanks,
Your Overseer

[jamesadelong]

To: Urist (General)
From: Myself and the rest of mission command
RE: Idiots
To the general populace.

It has once again dragged it's ugly head out of the mire of stupidity. The seemingly mindless zombies have outwitted you and destroyed the fort, how? I have no idea. Perhaps the leadership of the good doctor should be brought into qestion? He seemed to have dissapeared when the time came to carry out his duty of sealing the main population inside the hollow and himself inside his office. Perhaps it was the fool who decided to let free the defences against the initial wave? Or the morons who wished to collect the material goods?
Whoever it was, congrats. The grand basillica in which the great past leader, your saviour and divining grace in the time of trolls, now lay, has been smashed, his tomb destroyed an a full half of the population obliterated.
I remind you once again, success is guaranteed not at your capacity for thought, but at your capacity for following orders. It is not your prerogative to deem what is needed to be done, that privlidge lies with me and a select few. The only Dworf in hammerforged I trusted with such privlidge was the Dworf engraved right across your great hall, the one now entomed in a pile of rubble who died defending you. He was the clever one, not because he could think but because he chose not to think.
Consider this fact as your cleaning out the corpses of your bretheren and consider yourself lucky I don't end you all for this stupidity born of arrogance.

[kardwill]

Dear Goblin raiders.

I appreciate your efforts to bring down my fortress. I really do. It's always nice to see motivated, dynamic, inventive young people, even if they're commited to the gory death of everyone in our fair undercity.
Anyhow, while your attempt to ambush the human diplomat and frame us is basically a good idea, you may want to be more careful in its execution. Specifically, you should avoid assaulting a fire-breathing, demonic, chameleon-shaped death machine. Just saying. Now, the whole mountain prairie is a blasted wasteland covered with ashes, and with your warriors' cremated bones.

Signed : Militia captain, Main tower command, Red Mountain outpost

[JimmyBobJr]

Dear Urist.

Both of your arms are broken in two places. You have lost some motor function. You have major internal injuries. You are leaving a trail of blood and vomit wherever you go.
Go to the hospital. Dont sit in the dining room complaining of having nothing to do.

Sincerely, Me.

[Agith]

Dear Urist Mcfallsalot

When I tell one miner to dig a trap.. Please stop deciding you should help and jumping 15 Z levels to splatter yourself and make my trap seem less classy.
Also
Dear Urist McHospitalTender
Please move those crutches to the containers in the hospital and not in the stockpile as I have a feeling we'll be needing them alot thanks to Urist Mcfallsalot
With love
Your drown happy patron

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Cobald McNobility,
I did not make any copper items. Why? We had just started the hole-in-the-ground we call "home" and had not actually found any copper ore. Or any ore. We still haven't.
So you got angry and wanted to punish someone. Who did you choose?
A miner, our militia commander, who arrived mere moments before your mandate expired and has not even reached the bridge crossing the river yet. You sentenced him to two months in a prison we do not even have!
Prepare to be disappointed.
Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Ovrsr.
P.S. I think you should be glad you didn't hurt him when you beat him. I would like to test my newest device, set right next to your room, at some point.

[Deus Machina]

Dear Kalanenir Usithbembul, cave crocodile,

However much it pains me, you do deserve some respect in downing no less than a dozen of my dwarves. Considering that one of them seems to have removed all of your teeth with a copper hammer, no less than six of those were from, apparently, shoving them around. (Seriously, there's pages of 'the croc pushes Urist McIdiot in the chest')

Especially worthy, considering the bronze bolt lodged in your face.

I'll notice you quit when you picked on your first minor, though. You pushed him in the thigh, mildly bruising it, and he told you to kindly go piss off via a pick delivered directly to the heart.

Learn to pick your targets better.


Dear Duradzulash, troll,

You are the reason the cave croc killed so many--because the military's been beating on your unconscious form for months now, letting him run a rampage.

Seriously, just die.

Before you go, I do want to congratulate you on the indirectly but aptly chosen moniker, 'Beardpain'. Good job.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McMasterMiner,
Please, you spend most of your time running from spot to spot. Please mine out one spot at a time.
Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Ovrsr.