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[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McSitechooser,

I suppose I am not as miffed as I could have been. I did not, thankfully, spend much time trying to rescue you and your 6 companions from the fate you clearly wanted. However, in case it is not obvious to you, a lake which literally opens up into the mouth of Hell is not a suitable place for a new settlement to extend the power and glory of the Mountianhomes. Please enjoy gargling demon mayonaise.

your Bugged Out Overseer

...Why are you unhappy, again?

---
Dear Urist McMechanic,
We have lots of booze, in a stockpile next to the river you hopped into. Also, you can drink from the river's edge if you are sick of all of the three types of booze we have. Also also, if you aren't trying to commit suicide, swim downstream and either jump to the mayor's dining room or slide down the waterfall to the escape ramps. You might get badly injured in the process, but you have a better chance of surviving that than if you just SIT THERE.
Oh, look, he drowned. Great, he's my only mechanic. Idiot.

[Ahrimahn]

Dear Urist McLeverpuller

PULL THE FUCKING BRIDGE LEVER! THERE ARE OVER 20 WEREWOLVES $) SCAVENGERS AND 10 GOBLINS! DO YOU WANT THEM GETTING IN!

[Oliolli]

Dear Ahrimahn

Yes.

   -Urist McLeverPuller

[shadenight123]

Dear Ahrimahn

Yes.

   -Urist McLeverPuller

and i'm a little bit thirsty, so i'll go grab a drink *etched in blood on the floor, next to a dead dwarf...with a barrel in hand.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McObsidiandwarf,
You are an obsidian dwarf. You can throw fireballs. I expected that you would use those in combat given previous experience modding toads to run mountainhomes and breathe dragonfire (long story). Therefore, I gave you archery skill and no weapons.
Don't punch the gargoyle to death. Or, barring that, put on the armor I bought for you first!
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear Urist McSameObsidianDwarf,
Alright, you and a coalition of nearby domestic animals have beat the gargoyle into unconsiousness. Now stop gouging lips. Try kicking it in the head or, better yet, using fireballs on it!
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear U. McWowI'mTalkingToThisSameObsidianDwarfALot,
Congrats on...actually, I'm not sure what I'm congratulating you for, a turkey killed the gargoyle. Anyways, three more have been spotted. Good luck!
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear Urists McAllOtherDwarves,
The domestic animals and militia commander are taking care of the assorted gargoyles. They are all broken all over. You can come within a few hundred feet of the wagon, stockpiles, entrance, workshops, and such. In fact, I suggest it. Otherwise, you'll all starve.
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear Gargoyles,
You will be shattered if you keep returning. We might run out of domestic animals soon, but by then the militia commander will have built up her unarmed combat skills. Come in large numbers or, ideally, not at all. I have too much pride to abandon over an issue that I can easily solve. If you promise to leave and never come back or send any of your species here for several years, you can take the dog, turkey, and cave tortoise corpses with you and SURVIVE.
GWG, Overseer of Goldengrave (?!? How appropriate...if we pretend that loamy sand is gold...).

Dear all nonobsidian dwarves,
Stay inside! There is a giant gargoyle rampaging outside!
Postmortem note to Urst McThatSameDa**ObsidianDwarf,
You shoulda thrown fireballs at that ***king giant gargoyle that was threatening to kill half of our population!!!
Sincerely (angry), GWG, Ovrsr.
P.S. He died.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urists McReclaimDwarves:
Excellent! You killed that giant gargoyle! Well, a domestic animal did technically, 'cause none of you had her as a kill, but...Good job!
Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Overseer
Note to self: Mobs work.

[TheeBaconman]

Dear Grower

This reclaim has gone slowly, and we have all had to tighten our belts and beards, but this does not mean take a break when we finally put the seeds close to the farms!!

Your fellows have had to drink water, Armok's piss, because of our supply problem. And now that we have the capabilities to actually get Armok's spirits brewed, you take a break.

Once we get fully functional be we will be sure to use Armok's blood, spirits, piss, and a small cliff to teach you a lesson.

From, the inept, yet slightly ambitious, overseer

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McMasterSoapMaker,
I have disabled all labors of yours that do not need to be followed instantly. You are also the manager.
MANAGE!
GWG, Ovrsr.

[ougadas]

Dear Urist McMilitia Commander,

Please kindly explain to me, why the Goblins I provide for your training (armored but not armed) are one-shotted with hammer blows to the head, axe strikes to the head, and sword strikes to the head... but in real combat you can't seem to hit the broad side of a barn floor?

I want a report before your next boozing, or the next danger room training will be performed in the nude with the door locked.

Sincerely,

The Overlord, All Hail the Overlord.

[shadenight123]

Dear Urist McMilitia Commander,

Please kindly explain to me, why the Goblins I provide for your training (armored but not armed) are one-shotted with hammer blows to the head, axe strikes to the head, and sword strikes to the head... but in real combat you can't seem to hit the broad side of a barn floor?

I want a report before your next boozing, or the next danger room training will be performed in the nude with the door locked.

Sincerely,

The Overlord, All Hail the Overlord.

Dear overlord, they have strange things in their arms which unbalance me!!! they look pointy, and they scare me, or they are edgy, or cutty! please, pretty please, can i just go back to being a fish dissector??

[evileeyore]

Dear Mountanhome,

You sent us to a glacier.  You know we're on a glacier.  There is no surface water here and nasty deep aquifer.  It will be years before we reach the caverns... and anything for these four High Master Fisherdwarfs and the Master Fish Cleaner you've "migrated" to us.  They are having a wonderful time operating th bilge pumps 24/7.

The next group you send that have as useless a grouping of skills will be pleasantly employed scraping out the ice ducts.

Sincerely,
 
the Overseer of Cheerfubusts

[Wurgel]

Dear the Overseer of Cheerfubusts,

Why dont you let the freezing biome of the glazier breach your aquifier?

Sincerely,

Urist McLegendary PressedCheeseMilker

[evileeyore]

Dear the Overseer of Cheerfubusts,

Why dont you let the freezing biome of the glazier breach your aquifier?

Sincerely,

Urist McLegendary PressedCheeseMilker

Dear Mountianhome,

Ummm.  The Miner's Guild, uh, demanded we do it the hard way...  and the Woodcutters Guild... hmmm...  hang on I'll be right back...

Sincerely,

The Overseer of Cheerfulbusts



(:facepalm: x2  I can't believe I forgot about water freezing.  I just had the opposite "problem" setting up the magma heating system to thaw all the surface water at my last fort.)

[PCpaste]

Dear Urist,

You're most likely wondering why you, the leader of this fortress has to engrave the entire thing alone.

Sincerely,

The voice inside your beard

[Niccolo]

Dear Urist McEngravers:

What on earth have you boys and girls been doing? You're all engravers with nothing else to do except an occasional month in the army - and that is a relatively recent occurrence.

Do you think you could kindly finish engraving the meeting hall before we're all dead of old age?

Sincerely,
Overseer of Riftmachines