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[Greiger]

To hunters,

Ok so it seems to be a bit more complex to get you guys to hunt and still come back into the fortress the last month of every season than I thought.  My military orders were a bit confusing I admit, although you should have been able to figure out my meaning with a bit of thought...

Anyway now that you seem to be hunting again I have one request.   PUT ON SOME DAMN CLOTHES!  So my attempts to get you all to wear basilisk scale failed.  That doesn't mean you should discard all your clothes and sneak around the wilderness wearing only a quiver, a crossbow and the "air of freedom".  You are going to scare the traders.

Sincerely,
The administration.

[Shootandrun]

Dear milita squad.

At the beginning of the fight, there was five soldiers, twelve giant badgers. Now, there is two soldiers, seven giant badgers, and one of you is going to die. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH TIME I TRAINED YOU? HOW MUCH IT COSTED TO EQUIP YOU IN STEEL? AND NOW A BAND OF ANIMALS IS GOING TO WIN AGAINST MY ONLY SQUAD?

[Deus Machina]

Dear militia of Shotunion,

The dead are forbidden. Death items are forbidden. Refuse is forbidden. THe military alert, for both training or active dwarves and civilians, is to 'go inside,' where 'inside' is clearly marked via burrow.

This means that you don't go sprinting across the bridge when I lower it to let the hippies out. This means you don't run laps around the dry moat with goblins in it.

It means you GET THE HELL INSIDE.

What is wrong with you guys?

[Beardy]

POSTED

Attn: Urists McMarksdwarves

It has come to my attention that only one of the three of you has been reporting regularly to the archery range for practice. It is imperative in these times that those who were so willingly volunteered (by me) into military service fulfill their duties. I understand I initially trained all of you to high levels of wrestling. That was only beginning of bootcamp. The dorf assigned exclusively to make you wooden practice bolts has informed me that only one of you picks up new bolts. A quick inspection of our weapons room revealed that only one of you has bothered to acquire a crossbow. While you might be somewhat effective in combat as wrestlers, that is what the wrestling squad is for. Your job is to rain metal slivers of death upon our enemies. Not take their clothes off (given the assortment of garments spread around the barracks after any wrestling practice, I can only assume that is what you try to do when you wrestle. No, I'm not judging you (on this)).

Report immediately to the archery range, with a crossbow and bolts, or report immediately to our new nobles' quarters for post-dorfous discharge.

-Management

[Ahrimahn]

Dear Urist McMayor

Why do you want Slade crafts? How do you know that a stone that exclusively lines hell and its entrances even exists? Why do you like such an evil item? How do you expect us to get this stone? Finally what do you think of this new room next built next to the magma pump?

Love Urist McOverworkedstonecrafter

[Manae]

Dear Overseer Ahrimahn:

It's actually quite nice. Toasty and cozy, like. You know, though, what would really make it is a lovely slade chair in this corner and a slade statu.... you know, it's actually very warm in here. I'm sweating out all my booze! It almost feels like my boots are on fire. Wait a minut.................

[Necro910]

Dear Overseer Ahrimahn:

It's actually quite nice. Toasty and cozy, like. You know, though, what would really make it is a lovely slade chair in this corner and a slade statu.... you know, it's actually very warm in here. I'm sweating out all my booze! It almost feels like my boots are on fire. Wait a minut.................

Dear Overseer Ahrimahn:
I'm thirsty.

With booze,
Urist.

[cam94509]

Dear Urist McSoldier:

When I station you on a specific level at a choke point, I expect you to STAY THERE until the enemy comes to you. Do not go rushing haphazardly into the oncoming trolls. I really wouldn't do this save scumming thing, except you guys are truly incompetent. You were final trap; the weapons traps and stone traps on the upper level were merely weaken them. However, when you rush like an idiot (or fall asleep, because apparently, the bed upstairs was in the point you were stationed (even though it was a level above where I had stationed you!)), you get killed, and make a terrible trap.

From,
Your annoyed commander.

[Peewee]

Dear milita squad.

At the beginning of the fight, there was five soldiers, twelve giant badgers. Now, there is two soldiers, seven giant badgers, and one of you is going to die. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH TIME I TRAINED YOU? HOW MUCH IT COSTED TO EQUIP YOU IN STEEL? AND NOW A BAND OF ANIMALS IS GOING TO WIN AGAINST MY ONLY SQUAD?

Dear Overseer,

We 'ere outnumber'd, and tha' badgers was the most ferocious beast I' e'er seen or 'eard of, and that be includin' them carps. Ye can get tha' steel back if'n ye really need it, but ye' should consider trainin' more than a single squad.

Wounded,
Urist McRecruit

[Mrhappyface]

Dear Urist McFanatic,

I'm very pleased with your with your fanatical devotion to your job, and I commend your for your devotion to me, a servant of the Dark Powers. However, I am not pleased by the fact that you're willing to forsake food and drink! A dead dwarf is not an asset! For the sake of Armok man, I don't want to say this, but you can take a break!
P.S. Don't tell Urist McLazy about this.
P.S.S. If you do, guess who gets to try web collecting in the 3rd Cavern down?

Sincerely, The dark presence in your mind

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McChild,

I appreciate your new legendary stonecrafter skills.
But why a goddamn ring?
Couldn't you have picked the bones first, and made a hammer?
That would have helped more.

[Draignean]

Urist Mcdeadslacker

Yes you can take breaks, no I don't mind, But as my legendary weaponsmith I would appreciate if you didn't do it on a frozen river a half second before it thaws. Not only this but that river lead down into a twenty Z-level drop of the edge of a cliff face, and into a grate that I made to harness the power of the waterfall for your friends. Now five children got to watch your body break into a dozen pieces and spray through the mist generators. You Fail.

-Your frustratated and slightly bloody overseer.

[Necro910]

Urist Mcdeadslacker

Yes you can take breaks, no I don't mind, But as my legendary weaponsmith I would appreciate if you didn't do it on a frozen river a half second before it thaws. Not only this but that river lead down into a twenty Z-level drop of the edge of a cliff face, and into a grate that I made to harness the power of the waterfall for your friends. Now five children got to watch your body break into a dozen pieces and spray through the mist generators. You Fail.

-Your frustratated and slightly bloody overseer.

Dear Overseer Draignean,
You obviously have not used enough magma. Your legendary weaponsmith probably killed himself because you don't have a large enough beard.

With magma,
Overseer Necro

[Draignean]

Urist Mcdeadslacker

Yes you can take breaks, no I don't mind, But as my legendary weaponsmith I would appreciate if you didn't do it on a frozen river a half second before it thaws. Not only this but that river lead down into a twenty Z-level drop of the edge of a cliff face, and into a grate that I made to harness the power of the waterfall for your friends. Now five children got to watch your body break into a dozen pieces and spray through the mist generators. You Fail.

-Your frustratated and slightly bloody overseer.

Dear Overseer Draignean,
You obviously have not used enough magma. Your legendary weaponsmith probably killed himself because you don't have a large enough beard.

With magma,
Overseer Necro

Dear Overseer Necro

You kidding? If he hadn't been stopped by the grates he would have hit the obsidian generator resevoir, if he wanted magma he could been ass deep in it with a word. It was his choice to be an elf and take a surface walk.

-Overseer

[Necro910]

Urist Mcdeadslacker

Yes you can take breaks, no I don't mind, But as my legendary weaponsmith I would appreciate if you didn't do it on a frozen river a half second before it thaws. Not only this but that river lead down into a twenty Z-level drop of the edge of a cliff face, and into a grate that I made to harness the power of the waterfall for your friends. Now five children got to watch your body break into a dozen pieces and spray through the mist generators. You Fail.

-Your frustratated and slightly bloody overseer.

Dear Overseer Draignean,
You obviously have not used enough magma. Your legendary weaponsmith probably killed himself because you don't have a large enough beard.

With magma,
Overseer Necro

Dear Overseer Necro

You kidding? If he hadn't been stopped by the grates he would have hit the obsidian generator resevoir, if he wanted magma he could been ass deep in it with a word. It was his choice to be an elf and take a surface walk.

-Overseer

Dear Overseer Draignean,
He was on the surface, and the river unfroze. Magma does not freeze. Dwarves will not path through magma. Do you understand the lack of magma? The obvious solution is to flood the world with magma. The weaponsmith was making a political statement.

-Overseer Necro