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[Andal]

Dear Urist McMarksdwarves,

It may come as a surprise to you, but attempt to shoot through the solid trees is not the most efficient way of slaughtering goblin sieges. Shooting goblins is. Thanks to your epic ineptitude, my legendary hunter and four others are dead. Yet, he still managed to kill off more goblins before he fell than all of you combined. Turn in the crossbows, your hammers will be issued shortly. The heavy end hits the goblin, the thin end goes in your hand. Hopefully that's simple enough for you.

Sincerely,
Your Far-too-often Surprisingly Merciful Overseer

[Necro910]

Dear Urist McMarksdwarves,

It may come as a surprise to you, but attempt to shoot through the solid trees is not the most efficient way of slaughtering goblin sieges. Shooting goblins is. Thanks to your epic ineptitude, my legendary hunter and four others are dead. Yet, he still managed to kill off more goblins before he fell than all of you combined. Turn in the crossbows, your hammers will be issued shortly. The heavy end hits the goblin, the thin end goes in your hand. Hopefully that's simple enough for you.

Sincerely,
Your Far-too-often Surprisingly Merciful Overseer

Dear Overseer,

I'm hungry. I'm thirsty- OOOHHH! Urist and Urist got married! Eh... now I'm taking my break. I'm thirsty.

[ledgekindred]

Dear Urist McMarksdwarves,

It may come as a surprise to you, but attempt to shoot through the solid trees is not the most efficient way of slaughtering goblin sieges. Shooting goblins is. Thanks to your epic ineptitude, my legendary hunter and four others are dead. Yet, he still managed to kill off more goblins before he fell than all of you combined. Turn in the crossbows, your hammers will be issued shortly. The heavy end hits the goblin, the thin end goes in your hand. Hopefully that's simple enough for you.

Sincerely,
Your Far-too-often Surprisingly Merciful Overseer

DeaR oVerSeeR,

whIch enD does SOck go On?

OoooOh!  neW Sock!!

[blizzerd]

if you value your life, stop... eating... the... plump helpet... outside...

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McHunter,

How's it going in the afterlife?
Going very close to that cave crocodile to shoot it wasn't such a good idea, was it?

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McMiner,
You are a master miner. You have been a miner snce you arrived in the first migrant wave, almost two years ago.
One of our legendary miners was one of thestarting seven; the other arrived a wave or two ago.
That second miner was not a master miner when he came here.
Do the math.
GWG, Ovrsr.

[GreatWyrmGold]

MEMORANDUM
To: All military members
Re: "Urist McRandomsoldier cancels Pickup Equipment: Inturrupted by what I just sent you to kill."

A. You should have all the gear that you are assigned and have acess to, at all times, unless your weapon-wielding hane or whatever is cut off. That is your only excuse, annd you are expected to retrieve both hand and weapon after the battle.
B. If I sent you to the gate to prevent monkies from coming in and stealing lots of stuff, and you see a monkey, kill the monkey. You have killed everything from badgers and maquaques to mountain goats and my patience. Many of those were when we only had a few soldiers, and inferior equipment. You will kill them, without incident. The only reason the two deaths that occured in the history of this fort was underequipment--one beause the fortress ahd just started, the other because he chose to go swinging his bow at the horse instead of shooting said horse.

GWG, Ovrsr.
P.S. If you are sleeping on the battlefield, you deserve to be inturrupted.
P.P.S: Do not follow drowning maquaqes, or any other enemies, into the moat. I don't want any bodies in the moat, or rather, not bodies I have to bury.
P.P.P.S. Pick up the weapons and stuff you are currently leaving lying around.

MEMORANDUM
To: Masons
Re: That horse
I know the horse was a few tiles away. It will not, repeat will not attack you. You are on a wall whose only entrance requires waltzing into the courtyard and up a ramp, then onto the aqueduct you were working on. That will not happen, and anyways horses do not attack unless attacked first.
GWG, Ovrsr.

To: Mountainhomes.
From: Great Wyrm Gold, Overseer
Subject: How...Why...that one spear...
You know the one.
Stone training spears? Cool. Gem training spears? Pricey, but cool.
An iron training spear?!?
Idiotic.
P.S. I have been exporting ton s of stuff, practically buying your caravans empty. They did not come back empty-handed. I do too have exported wealth.

[Angel Of Death]

Dear Urists.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CORPSE STOCKPILE OR STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT HAVING TO WATCH A FRIEND ROT!

Yours sincerly, AoD.


Dear Urist McWaxworker.

Although I appreciate the dwarvenness, PLEASE don't try to clean yourself in magma.

Yours sincerly, a very confused AoD

[GreatWyrmGold]

MEMORANDUM
To: All modded egg-laying citizens
Re: Eggs
If you see a fellow fortress-mamber has laid an egg, the proper response is to ignore it and let it hatch.
If you have lain an egg, you may stop what you're doing to let it hatch.
Finally, if you claim a nest box, ue it. Especially if you're on break and the nest box in question is in a meeting area.
GWG, Ovrsr.
P.S. There should be some way for civ critters to carry around their eggs so that they stay warm...

MEMOR...oh, never mind.
Dear Urists McEveryone,
If you can's acess whatever item you're trying to dump, tell me what it is!
Also, to all citizens and domestic animals, if you fall into the well climb out using the ladder, don't hop farther in.

[Greiger]

To Overseer GWG,

See that's what nest boxes are for, handy dandy modern technology keeps them nice and warm for months at a time without the need for the warmth of the mother's buttocks.  Allowing the mother to continue work as normal, only to check on it whenever she has a free moment.  And it even lets her know immediately when the egg hatches so she can drop what she's doing to collect the child!  Unfortunately, the system is very precarious and the removal of the egg from the box ruins the delicate balance that keeps it warm.

From, Fellow egg laying fortress race overseer.


To, Manager of tallfires.

Congratulations on becoming a father, I understand your excitement, and I won't even fault you for the bad grammar used to announce when he hatched.  I also have good news for you, your wife's wounds in combat should heal, although she will need a crutch.  Now if you don't mind, would you stop just sitting there idle in your room and pick up your son?  He has come dangerously close to the big pit in the middle of the central stairs more times than I am comfortable with.

From,

The administration.

[Tcei]

Dear Urist Mcdeadwrestlerminer.

We of the administration would like to give our appreciation for the eagerness and zeal you showed during life. While the other 6 founders of the fort were rushing to equip themselves with the armor we sent, you rushed out with naught but your spidersilk cap and various pigtail clothing. However, as Im sure you found out, spidersilk caps do little to protect your skull from powerful werewolf jaws. In your next life please be sure to put on the provided armor first.


Also, we want to apologize for our lack of promptness at providing you a proper burial/memorial. As it currently stands, the survival of your fellows is more important. Lastly we are deeply puzzled by your seeming hatred of the dorms, as well as your toppling of only one bed a season. The beds, and indeed the dorms themselves werent even planned at the time of your death. As it stands, noone seems to care much, perhaps one day your fellow dwarves will find you scarier than the werewolves or the ice wolves of the over land. Until then you may continue to enjoy visiting the living while they sleep.

[Number4]

Dear UristMcSwordsdwarf,

could you awfully mind not to sleep on fucking duty? You, as our only soldier, had been clad in the finest steel, brought from the mountainhomes at great expense. We expected more from you. Thanks to your laziness the enraged badger in our courtyard killed our only chicken hen, which reduces our egg production by around 100% and seriously decreases our chances of getting a replacement chicken hen to hatch in the near future. The badger was then taken out by a heroic dog. I should make her our militia commander while chaining you to a fucking restraint. There is a bill for 5 now superfluous nestboxes waiting for you, YOU will be the one trading with the elves for another pair of egg-laying animals and in addition you're confined to your barracks till the end of malachite. Dismissed.

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McEngraver,

I don't get it.
How the HFS did you know about what's down there?
How did you know how that brute looked like?
I NEED ANSWERS.

[Mastvlag]

Dear Urist McCook, would you mind NOT to fill all the barrels made by Urist McCarpenter with food, and instead letting Urist McBrewer keep the fortress out of a tantrum spiral?

[Cyroth]

Dear Urist McMoodyLeatherworker

Why did you have to ruin your perfectly awesome artifact?
That leather dress is not only the most valuable leather item I have ever seen (almost 100.000DB, usually my leather artifacts are worth half of that), reading the description I also think that it would be the most awesome looking piece of clothing I have ever seen in DF. But WHY did you have to add that last detail? It would have been a beautiful, "dark mistress" styled dress, but you had to ruin it by putting a strawberry on it?! What were you thinking?!

Yours sincerly,
your angry overmind

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Code: [Select]

Itatmokez "Chillcages"; a black bear leather dress
This is a black bear leather dress. All craftdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is encircled with bands of rope reed fiber and blood thorn.
This object menaces with spikes of black bear leather, giant badger leather, black opal and amethyst. On the item is an image of two cresent moons in brass.
On the item is an image of a wild strawberry in sapphire.