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[Urist Imiknorris]

Dear Urist McAxekill:

When I say to go to your station, that does not mean that I want you to stand in the doorway looking intimidating. It makes it hard to lock the door.

Sincerely,
Urist Imiknorris, micromanager

[JmzLost]

Dear Trolls and Ogres of The Fleshy Deceiver,

   Please stop wearing so many clothes.  It doubles the number of hauling jobs after you walk through my serrated disc traps.

Thanks in advance,
JMZ, Overseer of Townmiles

[jcnorris00]

Dear Urist McWoodcutter,

Really?  You run screaming at the mere sight of a ground hog, but GIANT #$%^$@ BADGERS don't bother you?  You blithely walked right into the middle of them like they were a big group of fluffy bunnies!  No, wait, you'd probably run from bunnies, too.  Why didn't you smack a few of them with your training axe?  Maybe that way your could have enraged as many as four at once, instead of just the three that mauled you.

I'm turning off the Retrieve Wounded labor until the herd of murder machines have left the map.  If you broken, mangled excuse of a body is still alive when they finally depart, then you'll provide some practice for our new doctor, Urist McPeasant.  He needs it.

Your exasperated ruler

[EddyP]

Dear Urist McSpearmaster
Please refrain from charging ahead of your comrades into two squads of swordgoblins. I don't have as much faith in your skills as you apparently do.

Dear Urist McMilitary
I don't care if that goblin's still alive, he is UTTERLY PARALYZED. Stop trying to break every bone in his body. Urist McSpearmaster needs backup. Go help him, and one of you stay behind and stab the poor goblin in the head.

[andyman564]

Dear Urist McMoody,

we have at least one of every workshop in our fortress, none of which are currently being used. and while i know the legendary statue in the dining hall is quite mesmerizing it would be appreciated if you picked a workshop and started your mysterious construction. failure to do so will result in beatings with pointed (or not so pointed) sticks by our militia.

Sincerely,

Overseer of RiverBlocked 

[Renzuko]

dear andymann

check his skills, if he has glassmaking, you need to make him a non magma glass furnace

[Draignean]

Dear Urist Mcmoody,

Why oh why did you have to make an artifact Chausse?

Actually that wouldn't be that bad, nice silver and leather, images of five pointed stars and all that. It's just in addition to being all silver and starry you chose to name it "The Angelic Climax". While I'm sure you and your wife are very happy with this little gift I would appreciate it if you didn't make things that made our engravers put "The Angelic Climax" in dwarf runes all over the fort around little pictures of said chausse surrounded by dwarves.

You're scaring the kids.

-Facepalming overseer.

[andyman564]

dear andymann

check his skills, if he has glassmaking, you need to make him a non magma glass furnace

i haven't built any magma furnaces yet (working on magma pump stack), and he was a weaponsmith.

[Syrup Roast]

dear andymann

check his skills, if he has glassmaking, you need to make him a non magma glass furnace

i haven't built any magma furnaces yet (working on magma pump stack), and he was a weaponsmith.

was a weaponsmith? He might have been waiting for a magma furnace after all. I'm not sure if they switch preferences after magma is found or only after an operational magma forge is built.

[outofpractice]

Dear Urist McEpicHammerDwarf,

I get it. You are a godly warrior and everyone rightly fears you. I know you like chasing off sieges single handedly, while singing war songs. But why oh why did you have to dodge from a simple badger into a pond. Nvm its a pond with no channelled access. You can go whole sieges standing on the same square.. why dodge? why!!!

Well at least you will have a decent tomb.

Sincerely
Urist McGuardCaptain.

[FrisianDude]

You're scaring the kids.

-Facepalming overseer.

What kind of fucked up children would be scared at that? I'd expect most children would laugh at it while over-protective parents might be scared their precious crystal glass-children might shatter.

[Deus Machina]

Dear Sleepy,

Another ambush, ho hum. By now you should know that the modus operandi is to wait until the goblins reach the bridges, then pull the lever, and dump them them the 7 z-levels onto the conglomerate or granite at the bottom of the dry moat.

I know it may not kill them, but goblins are less effective with broken legs and burst spleens.

The general plan is to run down, grab the lever, and then not lean against it for a nap.

Not only did you ruin the winter's usual entertainment of watching goblins crawl around and vomit themselves into dehydration, but the usual short-lived ambush lasted up until they cornered Urist McMiner and he panicked, and stuck his copper pick into a greenie's eye three times.

Marking you for the honor of mining out the final magma channel,
overseer.

[Kassil]

Urist McEmbarkMiner and Urist McImmigrantMiner,
Please refrain from dropping trees on yourselves in the future.
Oh, wait. You died? Well, then, I guess it's redundant.

Urist McMason, please assemble those doors _faster_.

[outofpractice]

Dear Urist McNewnoblecount

You were cool when you were the simple mayor. Never asked for anything that we, the administration, couldn't provide easily. We recommended you for nobility. We thought you would be a great leader. Now you suddenly like and want creepy crawler leather? WTF. We haven't even seen a creepy crawler.

Sincerely
The admin.

P.S. Please accept the new room we have set up for you under the magma reserve. We hope you enjoy  the extra warmth.

[Necro910]

Dear Urist McNewnoblecount

You were cool when you were the simple mayor. Never asked for anything that we, the administration, couldn't provide easily. We recommended you for nobility. We thought you would be a great leader. Now you suddenly like and want creepy crawler leather? WTF. We haven't even seen a creepy crawler.

Sincerely
The admin.

P.S. Please accept the new room we have set up for you under the magma reserve. We hope you enjoy  the extra warmth.

Dear admin,

I demand, nay, MANDATE creepy crawler earrings! You have three seasons! And yes, I do enjoy the extra warmth. I'm thirsty, going to grab a drink.

With !!booze!!,
Urist McNewNobleCount