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[PresidentEvil]

Dear Urist McMinerton,

Urist, we need to talk. When I first assigned you to mine out a small hill, I was pretty confident that you could knock the task out in no time, and we'd be able to refill our flux stockpile for the steelworks.

What I'm a little fuzzy on, however, is this: The hill was only one z-level tall. You were ordered to mine out that z-level. Nothing above it, and no channeling involved.

How, then, did you manage to cause a major cave-in, outside, despite absolutely no rock being above you? And how did you manage to be standing directly underneath these apparently invisible chunks of rock when they fell to earth?

The mind boggles.

Vale,
Your Overlord

[Greiger]

To: Overseer President Evil.

What about trees?  Those are evil, and they cave in if the area under them is dug out.

From: The administration of your friendly Tree-hating Dragonfolk of Tallfires.

[fallofthechosen]

Dear Urist McSlob,

I understand that when I drafted you to the military, and said your uniform replaces your clothing, you had to take your current clothes off. I also understand that since I wasn't paying attention, you took them off in a doorway. That was my fault really. But since this doorway is used to route traffic quickly for enabling and disabling my danger room repeater, I really need to have it unblocked before more
babies/pets/civilians/anyoneunarmoredtryingtoentombcorpses get impaled on training spears. I gave you a room, as I do all dwarves. A nice one at that. I even gave you multiple dressers and chests, more than ample storage space really. In fact, I even took you out of active duty rotation, just for the sake of giving you a chance to move your clothes to your room, so for the love of Armok, PICK UP YOUR D*** PANTS!

Signed,
Your annoyed Overseer.

*Every other dwarf in my fortress goes and puts their clothes in their room once I give them storage space, but this guy refuses to pick up his clothes. They aren't forbidden. I even removed him from the military temporarily, but he just drops his uniform and runs around naked, leaving his clothes there.*

[PresidentEvil]

To: Overseer President Evil.

What about trees?  Those are evil, and they cave in if the area under them is dug out.

From: The administration of your friendly Tree-hating Dragonfolk of Tallfires.

Dear Tree-Hating Dragonfolk,

We are on a glacier. So probably not. Besides, as I may not have made clear initially, I merely assigned him to hollow out a hill that had tasty, delicious flux in it. So there's that too.

Thanks anyway,
Oversser PresidentEvil

[shadenight123]

Dear Sarvesh,
truly...why? i mean. you are one armed, and mad.
you are in a layer of cavern that to reach i had to order the diggers from the reclaim to clean.
But still...why?, why? why do you manage to butcher each and every single one of my warriors? i understand you love your floodgates, but let me reclaim the fortress!!!
sincerely, the overseer. Who will now begin magma operations to snuff you out.

[Kogut]

*Every other dwarf in my fortress goes and puts their clothes in their room once I give them storage space, but this guy refuses to pick up his clothes. They aren't forbidden. I even removed him from the military temporarily, but he just drops his uniform and runs around naked, leaving his clothes there.*

Dear Urist Mcfallofthechosen,
muhhahahahahahah.
signed,
bug 2481.

[Shook]

To: Overseer President Evil.

What about trees?  Those are evil, and they cave in if the area under them is dug out.

From: The administration of your friendly Tree-hating Dragonfolk of Tallfires.

Dear Tree-Hating Dragonfolk,

We are on a glacier. So probably not. Besides, as I may not have made clear initially, I merely assigned him to hollow out a hill that had tasty, delicious flux in it. So there's that too.

Thanks anyway,
Oversser PresidentEvil

Salutations, fellow overseer PresidentEvil!

Natural walls always have floors above them, and mining does not remove these. Thus, if you mine out ALL walls in the hill, the ceiling will collapse and kill just as well as any wall. Urist McMinerton found out the hard way.

Kind regards,
Shook McOverseer

[Necro910]

To: Overseer President Evil.

What about trees?  Those are evil, and they cave in if the area under them is dug out.

From: The administration of your friendly Tree-hating Dragonfolk of Tallfires.

Dear Tree-Hating Dragonfolk,

We are on a glacier. So probably not. Besides, as I may not have made clear initially, I merely assigned him to hollow out a hill that had tasty, delicious flux in it. So there's that too.

Thanks anyway,
Oversser PresidentEvil

Salutations, fellow overseer PresidentEvil!

Natural walls always have floors above them, and mining does not remove these. Thus, if you mine out ALL walls in the hill, the ceiling will collapse and kill just as well as any wall. Urist McMinerton found out the hard way.

Kind regards,
Shook McOverseer

Dear Overseer Shook, President Evil, and Grieger Link:

Use. More. Magma.

With magma,
Overseer Necro.

[billybobfred]

To: Miners' Guild of Frozenamuses
CC: Miners' Guild of every other fort everywhere
Re: Thirst and the proper handling thereof

If you find yourself beginning to grow thirsty, please take some time out to get a drink. If you find that you've mined yourself into an inescapable hole, please check to see if you can make a passageway from your current location to the booze stockpiles. I never deliberately order my miners to dig themselves into an oubliette, so this should not be a difficult task.

Don't just keep mining at random until you die. That's just dumb.

This goes double if you're legendary.

[Necro910]

To: Miners' Guild of Frozenamuses
CC: Miners' Guild of every other fort everywhere
Re: Thirst and the proper handling thereof

If you find yourself beginning to grow thirsty, please take some time out to get a drink. If you find that you've mined yourself into an inescapable hole, please check to see if you can make a passageway from your current location to the booze stockpiles. I never deliberately order my miners to dig themselves into an oubliette, so this should not be a difficult task.

Don't just keep mining at random until you die. That's just dumb.

This goes double if you're legendary.

"FrozenAmuses".

Oh the irony.

[PresidentEvil]

To: Overseer President Evil.

What about trees?  Those are evil, and they cave in if the area under them is dug out.

From: The administration of your friendly Tree-hating Dragonfolk of Tallfires.

Dear Tree-Hating Dragonfolk,

We are on a glacier. So probably not. Besides, as I may not have made clear initially, I merely assigned him to hollow out a hill that had tasty, delicious flux in it. So there's that too.

Thanks anyway,
Oversser PresidentEvil

Salutations, fellow overseer PresidentEvil!

Natural walls always have floors above them, and mining does not remove these. Thus, if you mine out ALL walls in the hill, the ceiling will collapse and kill just as well as any wall. Urist McMinerton found out the hard way.

Kind regards,
Shook McOverseer

Hail, and Well Met, Shook!

Except, I didn't actually order him to remove the entire hill. I only had him dig out the rich, flux center, leaving the boring outer shell intact. How Urist managed to collapse the hill nonetheless is a feat of stupidity that may in fact be impossible for more sane, or intelligent, individuals, to comprehend. Therefore, aside from an aside that the sacrifice of one newbie miner and copper pick was more than worth enough flux to fuel the steelworks for the next half a year, I shall speak no more on the matter. That way lies madness.

With Fond Bemusement,
Overseer PresidentEvil

[Shook]

Dear world,

You can find me dug down in my own backyard, because i feel dumb enough to bury myself in a hole.

Yours truly,
Shook McFailedassumption

And on a different note...

Dear Urist McReloadcagetrap,

I know it's important to keep the traps loaded, but wading out into a goblin ambush probably wasn't the best idea you ever had. Then again, you did manage to lure them into the deadly serrated steel disks. You should've seen the looks on their faces! Especially that face they made while falling down a very deep pit with several limbs and internal organs missing. A perfect blend of "oh god i'm going to die horribly" and "man i am glad it's over soon". The bottom room also got a nice new paint job. All thanks to your braindead escapades!

Yours still laughing,
Time controlling X in the sky

[Deus Machina]

Dear Miner's Guild of Shotunion,

  We have a goblin snatcher running around on the surface level of the fortress. When I designate the military to kill him and anyone else to lift all the accesses so he can't run away with Urist McSackbaby, that is not the time for all of you to run outside and organize a company game of Red Rover across the north bridge.

Dear Urists McWoundedhaulers,

  Thanks for breaking away from your booze and woodcutting and hauling in our fresh batch of broken-legged dwarves.

I know we're short on beds in the hospital and don't have enough for all the injured dwarves yet, but we do have two more than you actually used. Can you not see how it's kind of inappropriate to lay a few miners into beds, diagnose them, then dump the others into a pile in the corner? I'm sure that isn't doing their setting bones any good.

Dear Mason's Guild of Shotunion,

  Some of you are also members of the miner's guild, and thus incapacitated. If you return to work in a timely manner, rather than lounge around until the last scratch on your thumb is gone, there's a new masterwork cabinet in it for all of you.

The masons that aren't, however, need to get to work. I designated that tables be made, top priority, so the miners can be operated on and put into traction, and you're all doing everything but making tables. Fishing, hauling, woodcutting, and when I tell you not to do it at all anymore, you rush off for a drink rather than making tables.

Hell, a few of you are 'on break' and just lounging around in the dining room. There is a rotting donkey corpse in there. Yes, I told someone to dump it, and it's still in there long enough that it bloated up and burst.

How is chilling out next to a rotting donkey corpse more important than making tables?

[Ascarona]

Dear selfproclaimed Genius Leader,
b-C-w in forbidden place, then q-s over blocker, then b-C-w for real wall
Intrigued,
voices in your head.

What a revelation! I don't know where that voice came from but maybe I AM a genius!?!
The world will burn with my new knowledge  .

[Dakk]

Dear Possessed clothier #3.

I know you're probably the spirit of that silly leatherworker who couldn't complete his artifact  despite having every material he was screaming for availiable in nearby stockpiles. Please stop being a jerk and pick up those materials I mined AND acquired just for you. No, I don't care about that clothier, so you either complete the artifact or gb2 hell.

Enjoy dying a melancholic death again.

Yours truly,
The dwarfmind.