Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Frango Nicolbidok]

Dear Urist McStrandExtractor,
FASTER.

Sincerely, Frango Nicolbidok

[Peewee]

Dear Urist McStrandExtractor,
FASTER.

Sincerely, Frango Nicolbidok

Dear Frango Nicolbidok,
I'm givin' her all she's got cap'n!

Sincerely, Urist McStrandExtractor

[MythagoWoods]

Dear Urist McArmedinsteel,

How in Armoks name did you die?  I put you out front to guard the gate from the hostile wildlife that like to wander into my fort and maul my dwarves.  Instead what did you decide to do?  You chased a goat.  Now not only did you chase a goat but you chased a goat into the pond.  Now not only did you transfer the goat into the pond you then decided to turn to ice in the pond.  Screw you.

Sincerly,
Your face palming overseer

[Ghills]

Dear Urist McHunter,

Thank you for being such a quiet ghost. I know that being smashed at the hands of your own friends in the rush to fend off an ettin had to be traumatic, but we all appreciate your patient and gentle approach to haunting.  As a token of appreciation, your slab will be mounted in the main corridor as soon as we can get your name on it. 

Have a lovely (and quiet) death,
Your Overseer

[Greiger]

To Loro Cosmostraded, Militia commander.

I apologize about your son.  It is partially my fault he went berserk.  He had a strange mood right before last month's seige started and I'm afraid I forgot to check on him.

It is also very unfortunate that you were the closest militia dracon to the craftsshop, forcing you to put down your own son in combat.  I sympathize with your pain, a mother having to kill her own son is surely a horrible thing.  However...

The militia commander charges at The Child from behind!
The Child looks surprised by the ferocity of The militia commander's onslaught!
The militia commander slashes The Child in the left wing from behind with her {steel greatsword} and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The militia commander collides with The Child!
The Child is knocked over and tumbles backward!
The Child loses hold of the (water buffalo leather sandal).
The Child loses hold of the (rope reed fiber sock).
The militia commander hacks The Child in the left lower leg from behind with her {steel greatsword} and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The Child loses hold of the (goat leather left mitten).
The Child loses hold of the (alpaca wool left glove).
The militia commander stabs The Child in the left hand from behind with her {steel greatsword} and the severed part sails off in an arc!

Did you have to be so...inefficient about it?

The administration.

[Alarion]

Dear Urist McHunter,

Though I warned you quite sternly on what would happen if you killed any albatrosses, you went and did it anyway, and now we have a little more than we can deal with on our hands, I'm afraid. In the few months that has passed since the incident, we've been ambushed by illithids, had a kobold try to steal our gem cabinet followed by an illithid baby-snatcher, had a goblin army come and siege us, been attacked by a glass forgotten beast, locked ourselves up only to notice there was no food in the main stockpile resulting in the fortress almost starving to death, then the animals all killed each other, three militiamen bravely charged into a horde of pike-wielding goblins in search of socks, and to top it all off the main drawbridge was set to Retractable rather than Raisable, meaning we now have an open door into our fortress through the gates that is also impossible to close as a single chopped off dog tooth is resting in the main support area of it. Now, I don't mean to blame you for all of this, but if anything more of this sort happens and I could in any way, shape or form construe that it was your fault that it did, I swear to Armok I will have you stripped, dressed again in solely the Long Guts and tallow of that poor albatross you killed and have you thrown from the fortress walls in an attempt to appease the goblin siegers to either go into our trap-filled corridor, leave us be in disgust or at least chase you across the map into the ocean so that I may be rid of seeing your smug, insanity-inducing face every time I go looking for our marksdwarf squad militia commander. If you weren't a Legendary ambusher, commander of our brave marksdwarves, friends with half the fortress and the only one to be able to handle a crossbow with any sort of skill whatsoever, this would all have happened a long time ago. This is your last chance pal, and I mean it. Now go pick up all the feathers of the poor bird as a symbolic punishment, and if I ever catch you doing something like this again... [pictures of horrid things done to scared looking dwarf]... yeah.

Dismissed.

Sincerely, your overseer.

[Quatch]

Look dwarf, I know you are tired. We're running a retreat to the deepest part of the fortress because the military couldn't kill off a few trolls. BUT DO NOT FALL ASLEEP IN THE DOORWAY.

Your friend is also advised to NOT SLEEP IN A WALL that I am ordering constructed to fend off the trolls.

This goes doubly for the THIRD and FOURTH time it happens. You should have learned when I ordered everyone that wasn't asleep back a hall and set the same door closing and wall building orders.

You all deserved it when the game crashed and erased your traitorous sleep.

[TolyK]

dear urist mcminer
you have a job over there just so that you get away from that water....
*moves 2 squares*
... well that will do too.

~Administration

[zarokima]

Dear Urist McStoneDetailer,

Stop getting pissy whenever we need to expand. You have literally hundreds of engraved masterpieces all throughout the fortress, and the extra space made after clearing beyond this wall will allow for even more. If you really care that much, start killing all the damn immigrants.

Sincerely,
The Management

[OwlEpicurus]

Dear Urist McMinerOne,

I suppose it's a bit late, but please refrain from walking over a pond right before it thaws.

Sincerely,

Your Frustrated Overseer


Dear Urist McMinerTwo,

If you are mining out an area and, due to channeling down into it and then removing the ramp up, are unable to get back to the main part of the fortress until you dig out a path, please do not go on break until after you have cleared a path for yourself.  It would be tragic to see you die of dehydration because you are unable to reach the drink stockpile.  Especially when you have not yet dug a ramp next to the pond to recover Urist McMinerOne's body and possessions, meaning that your death would leave the fortress without an accessible pick.

Sincerely,

Your Very Frustrated Overseer

[Greiger]

To trap cleaners,

You know that disk trap that had the goblin corpse lodged in it?  I am aware that it is your job to remove the corpse to allow the trap to function.

I would appreciate it however, if in the future you waited til one of the doctors moved the wounded soldier unconscious on the trap before you reactivated it.  Fortunately the soldier's armor protected him, because I am rather fond of this particular soldier.  He even has a nickname.  Be glad I don't know which one of you morons cleaned that trap after I forbid it.

The administration

[Horizon9]

Dear Urist McEveryone,

Keep up the good job. Production is going smoothly, and we have enough plants and booze to last us for a while. All of you, except for a certain someone, are making me proud.

Dear Urist McSomeone,

Why can't you be like everyone else? Are you intentionally working inefficiently just because I changed your job? I have no need for a wood burner, we haven't found anything we can smelt yet.
Get better at your job and maybe I won't do unpleasant things to you for your insolence.

[quintilius]

Dear Urist McMilitiaCaptain
We know you're a badass - the thread adorning your body and the prodigious list of kills are a testament to that. It was one thing when you adopted that duck... but please leave your children at home when there are poison breathing giant ticks at your patrol site. I know you've managed, somehow, to keep that damned duck alive (how i dont know) but that shouldnt be misconstrued as proof of your ability to shepherd your little minions through any travail.  I gave them rooms of their own and i made toy forges for them to play with - I'd appreciate it if you left them with 1 of the dozen or so morons partying at the lion cage the next time we have a military alert.

-the management

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McMechanic,
If dwarven science can build perpetual motion machines and forges made of ice, why can't you build ice mechanisms?
Sadly sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McWrestler,

You were armed.
Come on.
Think of a more creative way to kill a freaking asp, rather than just chomp it's head off.