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[Kogut]

Attention!

STOP DODGING INTO RIVER!

Urist McOverseer cancels berserk: writing bug report 4550.

[ledgekindred]

To the little tunnel rodents who have not yet been kidnapped:

When you see the pervert with the bag over his shoulder, run away from him, towards the fortress.  Not the other way around.

If you show up in a couple years in an ambush, I'll cut you down just like the others, you useless little nitwits.

Yrs Annoyedly,
Omniscient Overseer

[Draignean]

Dear Urist,

Glad as I am that you survived your encounter with that hellfire imp the proper course of action is to find water to extinguish yourself, not to suddenly become thirsty and drink directly from the main booze stockpile. Your surviving companions are having to build scaffolding to get !!Urist Eyeball!! off of the roof of the building next to you, so it's your own damn fault that you scattered your own remains and came back as a haunt.

Your unexpectedly flaming overseer.

[Necro910]

To the little tunnel rodents who have not yet been kidnapped:

When you see the pervert with the bag over his shoulder, run away from him, towards the fortress.  Not the other way around.

If you show up in a couple years in an ambush, I'll cut you down just like the others, you useless little nitwits.

Yrs Annoyedly,
Omniscient Overseer

Kids. It's why we have math.

One Candy Serrated disk hits three times. One fully loaded trap has 10 weapons. Ten times three is thirty. My hall is 15 tiles long. Fifteen times thirty is Four-hundred and fifty. So that is four-hundred and fifty hits.

This is why we made !!Math!!. It's a !!Fun!!damental part of !!Science!!

[Alarion]

Dear Urist McHunter.

Please stop killing the albatrosses, or sudden and immediate vengeance is sure to come upon our fort and kill us all in some kind of hellish, albatross-plotted way. Also, it creates blood piles everywhere. Also also, who is going to eat that anyway?? Eww...

Signed,

Your panicking overseer

(details here...)

[Oliolli]

To the little tunnel rodents who have not yet been kidnapped:

When you see the pervert with the bag over his shoulder, run away from him, towards the fortress.  Not the other way around.

If you show up in a couple years in an ambush, I'll cut you down just like the others, you useless little nitwits.

Yrs Annoyedly,
Omniscient Overseer

Kids. It's why we have math.

One Candy Serrated disk hits three times. One fully loaded trap has 10 weapons. Ten times three is thirty. My hall is 15 tiles long. Fifteen times thirty is Four-hundred and fifty. So that is four-hundred and fifty hits.

This is why we made !!Math!!. It's a !!Fun!!damental part of !!Science!!

Fifteen times ten is one-hundred and fifty. One-hundred and fifty candy blocks raise the odds for Fun to about... A lot more than it would be otherwise.

[Cyroth]

To the little tunnel rodents who have not yet been kidnapped:

When you see the pervert with the bag over his shoulder, run away from him, towards the fortress.  Not the other way around.

If you show up in a couple years in an ambush, I'll cut you down just like the others, you useless little nitwits.

Yrs Annoyedly,
Omniscient Overseer

Kids. It's why we have math.

One Candy Serrated disk hits three times. One fully loaded trap has 10 weapons. Ten times three is thirty. My hall is 15 tiles long. Fifteen times thirty is Four-hundred and fifty. So that is four-hundred and fifty hits.

This is why we made !!Math!!. It's a !!Fun!!damental part of !!Science!!

Fifteen times ten is one-hundred and fifty. One-hundred and fifty candy blocks raise the odds for Fun to about... A lot more than it would be otherwise.

There are ways, tough very exploiting ways, that allow you to mine only one tile of candy and still get as much blue stuff as you want.

[TolyK]

To the little tunnel rodents who have not yet been kidnapped:

When you see the pervert with the bag over his shoulder, run away from him, towards the fortress.  Not the other way around.

If you show up in a couple years in an ambush, I'll cut you down just like the others, you useless little nitwits.

Yrs Annoyedly,
Omniscient Overseer

Kids. It's why we have math.

One Candy Serrated disk hits three times. One fully loaded trap has 10 weapons. Ten times three is thirty. My hall is 15 tiles long. Fifteen times thirty is Four-hundred and fifty. So that is four-hundred and fifty hits.

This is why we made !!Math!!. It's a !!Fun!!damental part of !!Science!!

Fifteen times ten is one-hundred and fifty. One-hundred and fifty candy blocks raise the odds for Fun to about... A lot more than it would be otherwise.

There are ways, tough very exploiting ways, that allow you to mine only one tile of candy and still get as much blue stuff as you want.

how exactly?
I just need this for one joke fort that's been living for over 30 years...

[Sarda]

dear urist mcweaponsmith

...rosegold? really man? you were SURROUNDED by steel, silver, iron, pig iron and copper, and what you chose, was rose gold.

now, im not saying that im not happy with the rose gold mace you made...even though we dont currently have a macedwarf in the fort, but really man? you couldnt have picked a better metal?

now before you start making excuses that a demon or ghost possessed you, i call bullshit, i think your just trying to screw with the first macedwarf we get by making me equip him with a pretty purple mace

signed

mildly annoyed oversear.

I'm fairly sure rosegold is better than everything else you listed except maybe steel. The fact that it's a mace and not a hammer sucks, but it's a good weapon.

[Cyroth]

To the little tunnel rodents who have not yet been kidnapped:

When you see the pervert with the bag over his shoulder, run away from him, towards the fortress.  Not the other way around.

If you show up in a couple years in an ambush, I'll cut you down just like the others, you useless little nitwits.

Yrs Annoyedly,
Omniscient Overseer

Kids. It's why we have math.

One Candy Serrated disk hits three times. One fully loaded trap has 10 weapons. Ten times three is thirty. My hall is 15 tiles long. Fifteen times thirty is Four-hundred and fifty. So that is four-hundred and fifty hits.

This is why we made !!Math!!. It's a !!Fun!!damental part of !!Science!!

Fifteen times ten is one-hundred and fifty. One-hundred and fifty candy blocks raise the odds for Fun to about... A lot more than it would be otherwise.

There are ways, tough very exploiting ways, that allow you to mine only one tile of candy and still get as much blue stuff as you want.

how exactly?
I just need this for one joke fort that's been living for over 30 years...

Never actually tried that myself, but I have heard it often enough.
One candy bar can be crafted into 25 bolts, every single bolt can be melted for 0.1 or so candy bars.

So if you craft bolts, and melt them again you have turned 1 candy bar into 2.5 bars.

[TolyK]

oh, so nothing new
but thanks anyway

[Draignean]

Dear Urist Mcweaponsmith,

I much appreciate your efforts to assault the siege that attacked us, you could have let them walk into the dozens spinning blades but no, you're a rare breed.

Specifically you're the kind of breed that gets hit once in the guts with a hammer, and gets hurled back inside the fortress by the force of the blow. Honestly if you hadn't taken that gut shot and collided with the far wall you'd be dead right now. You're covered in the guts and blood of the aggressors that got sprayed on you from the weapon traps, and you haven't moved in awhile. Get well soon so you can make more of those serrated blades.

Your rather relieved overseer

[Ze Spy]

To ASSoridic McASSble

No, fuck you, we don't have any "Tentacle Demon" cabinets here, or any "Tentacle Demon" material for the matter

From
Anal-gesic. Fortress Bookkeeper

[Sarda]

Find HFS. Send noble there to find said material.

[Greiger]

To Military of Tallfires

Subject: The current combat situation.

See that single, non elite swordsgoblin in the copper armor with a mithril sword?  That sword is tearing through your armor like butter.  Stop beating on that half dead unarmed goblin and KILL HER! She is tearing the squads apart by herself and nobody is attacking her!  She is a DPS!  You are attacking a tank!  Kill the damn DPS THEN kill the tank.  Her armor is practically paper,  The armor of the one yer hitting is GCS silk over mithril plate!  Sure you are breaking bones, but yer not actually cutting any flesh through that heavy duty silk.  How many ways do I need to put this? For fucks sake KILL HER!

The Administration

P.S.

The Swordsman bites The Goblin Swordsman in the throat, bruising it through the ({small troll fur cloak})!
The Swordsman latches on firmly!
The Swordsman shakes The Goblin Swordsman around by the throat, tearing apart the throat!
A major artery in the throat has been opened by the attack!

Unorthodox but effective.  Thank you for the response.