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[malvado]

Dear UristMCskillrot : I know that you have been stressed lately and compensating with drinking large amounts of booze, but please , could you ensure that the dorfs actually get some Muscles from mining to super duper legendary instead of getting to be rolling fat dorfs?
Or is this some scam made to ensure the doctor get paids even more than he is actually being paid for fixing heart diseases?

[ZachUSAman]

dear urist Mchammerdwarf
as I was glancing over your squad I decided to see how your sparring session was going.
you bit a dwarf in the right eye.
what.the.fuck.

[khearn]

dear urist Mchammerdwarf
as I was glancing over your squad I decided to see how your sparring session was going.
you bit a dwarf in the right eye.
what.the.fuck.

Well, sir, it was like this. We was doing dodging drills, and these recruits just weren't working very hard. Especially this one recruit. He kept stopping to rest, even though I had said they should keep moving at all times. You gotta work these kids hard to get them into shape, ya know? So he stops again, and I yell "Keep moving, meat!" And he looks at me and says "but I'm tiiiired." These recruits we get these days, they're pretty soft. All we get is cheesemakers and fish dissectors.  How about assigning us some miners or pump operators? Anyway, I tell the kid to get moving, and he looks at me and says "fuck you" and then he winks at me. He f'in WINKS AT ME! This worthless cheesmaker of a recruit tells a HammerLord to F off and then tries to make a joke of it by winking at me?! So yeah, I bit him in the eye. I'd do it again, too. But I'll tell ya, he started moving. They ALL started moving. And none of 'em stopped until they dropped from exhaustion. So yes, sir. I bit him in the eye, and I stand by my action.

  Urist McHammerLord
  Drill Sergeant.

[Nyxalinth]

Dear tame GCS down in the cavern entrance,
  When I gave you your illustrious post, I had one thing-and one thing ONLY-in mind-for you to shoot web. The fortifications are there for your benefit, NOT for you to sit their twidlling your chelicerae while a forgotten beast in the form of an earthworm SHOOTS FIRE through the fortifications! You are one of two females I have. Although extremely valuable, I have one more female to take your place. Also, please keep in mind that although we tamed you, this fort is very young. We have nothing in the way of defenses besides our just-formed squad of six dwarves, as previously all dwarves were needed to start up our dwarven metal industry. So, for the love of Armok, do your job. You're worse than the dwarves are about it.

 sincerely,
your spider-loving overseer.

P.S. Please do remember that the beast's first kill will be you, and I can do nothing to save you.

Dear Overseer,

How I shot web?

Sincerely,

Ms. GCS

[Hammerstar]

Dear Urist McMeloncholy,

I'd like to point out, first of all, it was your own fault. Our best carpenter, and one of the original seven you were, and yet when the mood struck you, you insisted on claiming a clothier's workshop, and then demanded silk. Silk? We've never had silk. Unless the cages in the caverns finally bear fruit and catch a giant spider, we will still never have silk. I had ordered you walled into the workshop, but when I realized you had merely become depressed instead of flying into a rage, I ordered the wall taken down so the workshop could be salvaged before your corpse stunk it up.

Though I will admit, I was intensely amused that you managed to die of thirst just three steps from the beer stockpile. As our long time carpenter and one of the original seven who worked so hard to build our mighty fortress, you will be spared being tossed outside to rot, and will instead be buried in the tombs. Your dumbassery has cost you a place of honor with your fellows, however, and you'll be buried in the communal area in a granite coffin, instead of the planned silver in a private tomb.

Your frustrated yet amused Overseer

[Tshiknn]

Dear Dwarves:
      If I want you to mine, stop hauling wood to the frikkin WOOD stockpile and GO MINE, you lumpheads!
With love,
Tshiknn

[Ze Spy]

To the new Modded Terran Species :

Go Fuck yourselves

[Vorthon]

Dear Dwarves:
      If I want you to mine, stop hauling wood to the frikkin WOOD stockpile and GO MINE, you lumpheads!
With love,
Tshiknn

I usually disable all hauling labors on my miners. It helps. A lot.

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McSmith,
Did you seriously make a superior quality zinc statue of a demon killing a dwarf?!

[Darvi]

Was it a heroic statue of how the dwarf singlehandedly defended the mountainhome against a horde of &'s?

[jaxy15]

No, it was just a demon killing a dwarf.
I have two now.

[shadenight123]

something tells me you're in an adamantium VEIN.
lot's of Fun will ensue.

back on topic.

Dear and kind Urist MC butcher.
i labelled for slaughter over 20 animals. My meat reserve in low, and you STILL HAVEN'T STOPPED doing something else.
you're only job is to butcher, and you fetch a drink.
i don't care if it's 20 kittens, or a goose, or something, I don't want to see them alive in the next season or i WILL magma you, your workshop and everything about you! and to avoid tantrums spiral i will kill you in a desolated area, far away from everything, and kill also your wife and kid.
who i have already blocked in a separate area to keep them away from socialising.
they will die.
do your job mister Mc butcher, do it. Or suffer the consequences.
sincerely, your supreme overlord and commander of dwarfenly things.

[Sutremaine]

Re: Urist McButcher

Pasture the animals. Burrow the butcher. He will leave once he gets starving or thirsty, but not before then. Since he's just gone for a drink, at least he won't be worrying about thirst.

[Crazy Cow]

To the Experimental Race of Dragonkin,
I know, I know. Dwarves are more my kind of people. But you can get very bored creating the same exact thick-skulled race to worship you hundreds of times over. So, I pondered the possibility of creating a different race to worship my name. And eventually, I made you.
Now, I don't know whether or not to be angry with you. You did find the most amazing of embarks, 20 z-levels of sheer cliff for me to play with. However, you also parked the wagon at the very bottom of this chasm, with no way to the top. It also turns out that the floor of the chasm was the largest river I have ever seen. With no soil, I had to dig a very hasty hole in the wall and dump all of your crap inside, and not a moment too soon. Well, all's well that ends well.
However, the incidents that have occurred since cannot be ignored. I asked nothing of most of you while my miners excavated temporary quarters, but the moment I had workshop space available, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU TOOK A BREAK AT THE SAME TIME. I had to sit and stare through my portal of godly viewing for half an hour while you all did nothing at all. And that miner that dug a very simple and very short hallway to punch into the river for some drinking water? He drowned ONE URIST AWAY FROM THE DAMN RAMP. And the "caravan" that arrived? Nobody but the outpost liaison arrived. I believe some tweaking is needed to your raw souls.
However, there is most definitely promise in you, and I won't give you up yet. However, my shit list is already longer than in most fortresses, and this will be the first fort where all of my starting seven (except for a stupid miner) will be put on the Sealed Permanently in a Cavern and Left to Survive military squad. Grats.
Sincerely,
Armok

[ZachUSAman]

dear urist mcarmydwarf
your steel breastplace is of a superior quality and thus must be melted, please let it go so we can make it better, seriously, just drop it. a new  masterpiece steel one is waiting for you.