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[schussel]

Dear Cavy's,

admitted i wanted to keep a pair of you for breeding issues ... and i am somehow thankful you disposed of the kittens in the area (how and why eludes me but you managed to keep the somewhat small cat population in check) .. but its no goddamn reason to multiply  that extreme ... ok 5 pups in a year is cool per animal .. but launching babies in a constant stream is more than i could tolerate ...  since you 4 adult pigs managed to hit the 50-creature population limit within a year ... consider yourself roast!!1

The hungry Administration

Dear Urist McButchers,

work faster!!!!!

[ledgekindred]

Dear Badgers,

What the... are you... conga line... what...?   

On the one hand, I just caught eight of you who walked one-by-one into my traps.  On the other, you're making me dizzy.

Yrs Confusedly,
Dizzy Overseer

[Samuel]

Dear Mason,
Those troglodytes are on top of a wall. With no path down to you. And no possible means of reaching you. What are they doing, looking at you menacingly? If you'll hurry up and finish the staircase, our squad can get up there and take care of them. Of course, in retrospect, they'll also be able to get down to you, so feel free to run then.

Signed,
An Overseer who doesn't much care for your fears or your life.

[Renzuko]

akin to the one above me lol...

dwar urist's

the goblin has his legs broken at the bottom of a 9z drop, he cannot walk up and hurt you, just walk across the dodge me path already!

[Maxwell5123]

Dear Urist McDipshits

When I ask you to construct a giant wall preventing attacks on us and there is a GIANT AREA NOT BEHIND THE WALL please use it and when I make the other side of the wall A RESTRICTED AREA! Don't use it anyways if I see any more of this you will become the first ones to try the FUN room

Signed
The master of your lives.
P.S if I see another dwarf kick a cat because he's pissy the next passing dwarf please direct him to the FUN room for a new job

[Naryar]

Dear Zon Icygates, High Master Lye Maker, Talented Grower, and newly Legendary Engraver

I do appreciate another legendary engraver. I really do. I understand you are very happy about it, and that basalt bracelet "Troubledrills" looks pretty valuable. It is encrusted with basalt and encircled with bands of goblin bone, goblin leather and lavender jade.  Welcome to the legendary club !

There is one thing I must ask to you: Why in the fiery pits of the Nine Hells did you brought a total of more than a HUNDRED elephant bones to the workshop ? Why did TWO FULL ELEPHANT SKELETONS worth much more if used in decoration or bolts disappeared just to decorate that bracelet with spikes and make an image of a cloud on the bracelets, when the whole bracelet is made of a single basalt stone ?

I hope you understand what i mean.

Sincerely,

-Fortress Overseer

[jaxy15]

Dear now dead Macedwarf,

I know you have an artifact steel mace, but that doesn't mean a troll won't punch you in the head and kill you.

[Aramco]

Dear Urist McNowDead,

I realize that you Dwarves are always dying for stupid reasons. Usually, I appreciate it. Really, I do! Especially when it is done when I have a high population of Dwarves. A high population, however, is something that we do not currently have. I was trying to run a successful two Dwarf fortress, and now, we have the opposite of a high population. One population. Look what you've done. Look at it. See that? See it? That's because of you. That, that thing that you're looking at right now, do you know what it is? It's what you have done. I would kill you as punishment, but you are already dead. Do you know how I'll punish you? I'll wait for Urist McAnnoying to migrate here, and kill him. Then you'll both haunt our fortress as ghosts, and his ghost will annoy your ghost. That is your punishment. I hope you've learned your lesson.

Signed, your overseer, who now hates you.

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McCommander,

All you've killed is a GCS.
Your WIFE has more kills.
Stop slacking off and try to kill more things.

Dear Urist McJeweler,

Are you THAT desperate that you have to stop sleeping in order to turn a rock crystal into an artifact?
I mean, come on!

Sincerely, an angry overseer.

[Renzuko]

dear all of my f*cking dwarves, you are all in high spirits, GET MAKING THOSE GOD DAMN COFFINS!

also, FINISH THE WALL FOR MY ANIMAL PEN!

[Aramco]

dear all of my f*cking dwarves, you are all in high spirits, GET MAKING THOSE GOD DAMN COFFINS!

also, FINISH THE WALL FOR MY ANIMAL PEN!

Well... You got to the point, at least.

[UristMcDwarf]

Dear Chief Medical Idiot,

What's there to diagnose?
HE'S ALL BROKEN

[Musashi]

Dear cremated soldiers,

you know by now why this is a bad idea to loot a flaming corpse in a pool of 1/7 magma.
See you at your reincarnation.

Your Overseer who is watching the whole fort go to hell

[MythagoWoods]

Dear Urist McMarkdwarves,

You have a quiver, you've been assigned bone bolts, you have your crossbow, you even have target practice in the form of monkeys and badgers.  I have one question for you all...

Y u no shoot enemies?  Stop beating them to death with bone/wooden crossbows!

Sincerly,
Your annoyed mastermind

[Hammerstar]

Dear Urist McGoOnBreakWhenITellYouToPullTheLever,

By not shutting the floodgate that feeds water into the reservoir beneath our wells, you have now flooded the hospital area and the public baths. Think about that while you operate the pump to drain it all out.