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[imperium3]

Sounds very dwarfy to me!

[anon_outlaw]

yuppers, i'm having the corpse of some fool who was standing on a frozen lake... in spring. as soon as it's winter and i can dig up his frozen corpse im dropping it off of a cliff as punishment for being so careless!

[madjoe5]

I'll leave a post here for every time my woodcutter has died from something stupid in the first couple seasons. A skeletal buzzard shouldn't be able to kill you, you have an axe!

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urists McMiners:
Use the nice silver picks I just made so that Urist McDraftedMechanic can make a mechanism so that someone can assemble the other silver parts into a well so that no one has to die.
Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold.
PS: Sorry about only embarking with only 7 drinks in what turned out to be a saltwater biome.

[imperium3]

Dear Urist McLegendaryMason,

Having been the senior mason of Tinfound almost since its foundation, it would be hoped that you knew a little bit about construction. For one thing, attempting to construct an isolated piece of stone floor that is entirely unconnected to the bridge you are standing on, is a really stupid thing to do. Try extending the floor from solid ground like I asked you to.

Because of your stupidity, honest workers are now being diverted to collect your mangled corpse from the new spike pit, as well as your colleague who coincidentally died after a piece of floor landed on his head.

Signed,

The Management.

[Ghills]

Dear Urist McMason,

While we have the time, I would like to discuss the difference between 'near water' and 'submerged'. 'Near water' refers to a spot of land that is somewhere within sight of some water. 'Submerged' means that the site is complete covered in water, and can no longer be reached. The site where I ordered you to build a wall was not submerged. It was simply near water. I am sure that as we sit here, waiting for the aquifer to fill the fort, we will all use some of our remaining minutes to contemplate your failure to pay attention to basic Dwarvish.

Sincerely,
Your Mayor

[Hellmoob]

Dear Legendary Tanner,

Though I openly mock your skills as 'basically the equivalent of "Legendary Pants-Wearer"' at almost every opportunity, I think you should know that I'd honestly prefer it if you didn't wall yourself in an 80z pit out of petty spite, and then die of thirst just as I commence pumping in an entire cavern lake.

I kid because I love; don't take it so hard!

Sincerely,
Your affably abusive Overlord

[mimmfantry]

Dear Urvad Mcstupidmilitary Dwarf,

  When I ordered you into your burrow, its because i was planning on raising the drawbridge. You had more than enough time to get all the way across it, infact you stood on the bridge for several minutes, before I ordered the bridge raised anyways. I'm upset at you not for getting smashed into less than nothing, I'm upset because you took my masterwork steel breastplate and axe with you, cause Ursit Mclegendaryweaponsmith to start punching everyone in the face.

With Great contempt,

Your overseer.

P.S. Your wife is next

[Greiger]

To Miitary of Minecastle

Ok, crap, the orcs are here early.  Are you at least armed?  Good, some minor miracle that was.  40 migrants and the capital can't be assed to send a single weaponsmith or armorsmith...  Oh well, yer all in no quality iron, but relax I'm sure the orcs are in worse, one moment and I'll, take a look.

....Yea....well, they are in mithril and steel...  But don't worry! You outnumber them! and the crossbows should do a bit of damage even with only bone bolts!

...

Note to self, get a damn leatherworker.

Ok so the crossbow users didn't fire because they have no quivers to put the bolts in...uh....good luck!

Locking myself in my room til this is over,
The Administration.

P.S. Stop trying to headshot that spearorc, Your iron ain't gunna do shit through that mithril helmet.

[Fredd]

 Dear beloved Administrator,
There is no reason to hide in your room. After the orcs got finished laughing at our pitifully equipped forces, they traded 3 camels, a goat, and a chicken for your wonderful management skills. We hope you like cleaning middens.

 Sincerely,
 Survivors of the military of Minecastle

 P.S Go stock up on gloves

[Baron Baconeer]

Dear dwarves.

Please explain those merchants that swimming out of a fortress with pack animals is a bad idea.

Sincerely
Baron Baconeer, the verified eyeseller.

[Keldane]

Dear Urist McWagondriver,

Thank you for guiding us safely to our destination. Not only did you successfully navigate the obscene amount of clutter left behind when our predecessors abandoned the fort after the attack of a miniaturized bronze colossus and ensuing drawbridge accident, you actually chose a safe place to park.

I do, however, have a question.

How the hell did you manage to park the wagon on the roof of a castle whose only access to the ground was a three story tall single tile stairway?

Confused but not displeased,
The Overseer.

[myrkul]

How the hell did you manage to park the wagon on the roof of a castle whose only access to the ground was a three story tall single tile stairway?

Dear Overseer,

A little-known fact about Dwarven settlements is that the wagon does not actually drive from point a to point b.
It is actually dropped by a trained roc. Frankly, it's a miracle we survive at all.

Sincerely, Urist McDraftedforthisjob

[Angry Bob]

Dear Urist McSwordmaster
Reading your thoughts, I noticed that you "enjoyed starting a fist fight recently". Now, normally, this would be fine. The engineering accident that crushed your two friends was entirely my bad, as was your son melting after playing in the forgotten beast blood. But when you say fist, I assume you meant sword, because the last fist I saw that could tear a legendary engraver's head from his body belonged to a bronze colossus. Seriously, if homicide is your first answer to every little thing that goes wrong...

YOU ARE THE BEST SWORDSDWARF A BLOODTHIRSTY OVERSEER COULD EVER ASK FOR. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

Sincerely, your Depraved Overseer.

[TolyK]

Dear All My F**kin' Dwarves:

Please read this article on Wikipedia.

~Management.