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[RenoFox]

Dear Urist McPatient,

You have laid in the hospital for nearly a year, despite having all your wounds healed seasons ago. Since the hospital staff cannot find anything wrong with you, I must conclude that you have caught a yet unknown disease and are therefore to be quarantined away from the fortresses food- and watersources.

Update: The old saying "You can't fix what's not broken" has brought up a new possible treatment plan for you, and Urist McMiner has been sent to prepare you for your next set of treatments. Better luck next time around!

Sincerely,
Outsourced survival instinct of dwarfkind.

[Kogut]

Outsourced survival instinct of dwarfkind.

I have no idea how to say that it is great without this stupid "I like this".

[myrkul]

Outsourced survival instinct of dwarfkind.

I have no idea how to say that it is great without this stupid "I like this".

Seconded.

[Buttery_Mess]

I first built a cistern in my fort to serve my excellent well. Naturally, some fool-ass dwarf falls in it as he tries to engrave part of the inside of the cistern whilst it is filling from an aquifer above, even though he could have done so from the outside, and gets blood in it.

So, I dig out space for another cistern right next to it and start pumping the water out of the well so I can use that as my new, clean cistern. Somehow, even though nobody is injured and there's barely any blood anywhere on the map, some of my dwarves find a way to love blood pools around the pump and nowhere else, and this blood somehow finds its way into the new cistern, rendering it totally useless. Damn you fools!

[billybobfred]

TO: all dwarves of Tamolkol, "Saviorwheel"
RE: proper removal of downward staircases from future magma reservoirs

DON'T:

Code: [Select]

(side view)
X<<
D 
DO:

Code: [Select]

(side view)
DX<<
Got it?

[Corwyn]

Dear Urists,

Alas I knew not your names, our time together was too brief.  We trekked across the world to find a metal rich location that would be easy for friends to trade and impossible for foes to assail.  You parked our wagon of provisions next to the beach, on the frozen surf.  Quick action made us a ramp down the ice and up to safety to unload our goods just as the snow melted, not even the ice just yet.  And as our brave miners dug stairs and began with the first chamber to house our food supply, someone broke the world. 

My X of power turned into an hourglass that the sand within was black and molten solid so as it would never fill the bottom, and forced me to give you the fabled three-finger salute before oblivion took the fort.

I'd write letters of condolences, but that'd just be speculation that someone remembers your loss.

~The Administration who is hearing the call of zombies down the road to go shoot.

[anon_outlaw]

I first built a cistern in my fort to serve my excellent well. Naturally, some fool-ass dwarf falls in it as he tries to engrave part of the inside of the cistern whilst it is filling from an aquifer above, even though he could have done so from the outside, and gets blood in it.

So, I dig out space for another cistern right next to it and start pumping the water out of the well so I can use that as my new, clean cistern. Somehow, even though nobody is injured and there's barely any blood anywhere on the map, some of my dwarves find a way to love blood pools around the pump and nowhere else, and this blood somehow finds its way into the new cistern, rendering it totally useless. Damn you fools!

hate to say it but get the hacks, 'clean map' is amazingly useful for fixing stupid crap like that.

[Angel Of Death]

Dear Urist McSoldier

You slept on patrol, thus letting GOBLIN SCUM UTTERLY DESTROY THE FORTRESS!

Grrrrr....

[thegoatgod_pan]

Dear newly hired captain of the guard.  You have now murdered three of the fortresses' five metal smiths.  You are assigned a fucking adamantine hammer.  Why then do you use your goddamn fists?  And how is it a weakling, unskilled bonecarver capable of killing a man with a single punch (twice now!), and why don't you just fucking arrest them.  Seriously, if there is one tweak that ever ruined a feature it was targeted shots on prone targets.  Brainsmash is not exactly how justice ought to work without a hammerer!

[PCpaste]

Dear newly hired captain of the guard.  You have now murdered three of the fortresses' five metal smiths.  You are assigned a fucking adamantine hammer.  Why then do you use your goddamn fists?  And how is it a weakling, unskilled bonecarver capable of killing a man with a single punch (twice now!), and why don't you just fucking arrest them.  Seriously, if there is one tweak that ever ruined a feature it was targeted shots on prone targets.  Brainsmash is not exactly how justice ought to work without a hammerer!

You know that fists are better then a adamantine hammer, right? Adamantine hammers are like those inflateable plastic squeaky mallets.

[MisterLich]

Dear Urist McDying,

I understand that it must be rough having been sent out to fight an ambush of goblins when there were more than adequate cage traps to protect the fortress, I thought you needed some real experience.  I understand that it must have taken considerable fortitude to crawl your way back to the fortress hospital with a mangled lower body and arms, but I must express a concern I have with your new behavior associated with your injuries.

You see, we are in a desert.  By the most gracious of blessings I was able to scrounge together some farms to produce what is now an overwhelming supply of food and booze for the fortress, more than enough to last every dwarf here a thousand life times.  Being in a desert though I must remind you that water is not scarce here, it is utterly non existent except for deep underground, in a very dangerous cave system filled with very dangerous entities that have been safely tucked away by a wall between us and them.  The underground lake is swarming with hostile snake men and worse.

While once content to drink yourself shitfaced every day on booze while you worked, you suddenly now want water, which is a very dangerous resource.  I can't be expected to risk the entire fort's safety by hastily digging out a well from this underground cavern, it just isn't wise.

If you do not change your preferences in drink soon, then allow me to thank you for your valiant services to this fortress and I wish you a peaceful, dehydrated passing into the afterlife.  I will consider the possibility of digging out a water source in the future, but for now, you're fucked.


Dearest wishes,
Urist McOverlord

[arzzult]

Dear newly hired captain of the guard.  You have now murdered three of the fortresses' five metal smiths.  You are assigned a fucking adamantine hammer.  Why then do you use your goddamn fists?  And how is it a weakling, unskilled bonecarver capable of killing a man with a single punch (twice now!), and why don't you just fucking arrest them.  Seriously, if there is one tweak that ever ruined a feature it was targeted shots on prone targets.  Brainsmash is not exactly how justice ought to work without a hammerer!

You know that fists are better then a adamantine hammer, right? Adamantine hammers are like those inflateable plastic squeaky mallets.

That's the point. If your captain of the guard is about to dish out some "!!JUSTICE!!" on your legendary weapon smith for failing to make a platinum scimitar or something of the like for a mandate, would you rather he use the more or less lethal option on him?

[anon_outlaw]

dear Urist McAnyone

i installed some stairs through the tunnel that fills my reservoir , now we dorfs are good with stairs, we can carve them form stone or even dirt! we can build stairs up or down form standing on stairs, an impressive feat. one would almost think that standing on stairs we could smooth the walls around us or build a wall at an adjacent position. i understand that you cant, it's ok. however why cant my miner dig out stairs below him? or above him, he can dig away form stairs, we can pull down block walls form standing on stairs so why cant i demolish the stairs without having to make another set of stairs next to them?? (something that defeats the purpose by the way)

i can go on about this but it's not really important as the water tube will be cut off form access soon anyway. i just wanted to get rid of all stairs in and out as i know that Urist McStupid tends to ignore restricted areas and i really don't feel like digging out a new reservoir because he got into the downpipe and drowned in it.

[Shook]

Dear Urist McRemoveconstruction,

Please don't stand on a wall/floor that's being removed. And at the same time, please don't remove a wall/floor that someone's standing on. Three dorfs have already lost their lives this way, and you're likely to be the next.

Sincerely,
Strange compulsion to dig out squares underground

[GreatWyrmGold]

Also inform Urist McMiner that her death has permanently made sure we can not breach the aquifer, and that I will execute her as soon as she dares to stand up.

So...You're executing your miner for dying?