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[Dr. D]

Dear Mrs. Mayor,

I know that crundles are most likely very scary looking. However, the magma pool you just jumped into I guarantee is much more dangerous.

Have fun!

The controller of Orbscarnal.
 

[Spork The Slightly Insane]

Dear Urist McMason,

Thanks for getting the walls up in such a timely manner, instead of sleeping. Due to your haste (or lack thereof), we now have five dwarves with their heads caved in by a skeletal horse. Hope you can outrun it.

Regards,

Management

[GrizzleBridges]

Dear Urist McHerpDerp,
Good job, you built the floodgate. Thanks.
Unfortunately you seem to have placed yourself on the wrong side of it.
Hopefully our engineers will hook up the mechanisms before the river unfreez... Oh, nvm, too late.
Yours,
The Unseen Hand

[shaded009]

Dear Urist McPsycho,

While I understand your hatred for cowardly thieves, does hacking them with your axe not get the point across? Was it necessary to BITE him on the neck, latch on, and shake him around like a dog till you tore out his windpipe? Was it?

Cowering in fear,
Your terrified co-workers

[Mister Always]

Delivered via cross-realm mail:

Dear Urist McPyscho,

They don't respect you at that fort, man. Come to Dikewind. We'll give you your own wrestle/axedorf squad and a nice bedroom. Do you like mail shirts? Do you also like bronze? Artifact bronze mail shirt, baby, all yours. There's a picture of our god Zalstom the Sanctum of Gates (exalted be he, and so shall he keep our fortress safe) with dwarves prostating in front of him - if you want, you can imagine Zalstom is you, because he's depicted as a male dwarf! And there's a picture of a dwarf killing a goblin on it, AND it's got spikes! It sounds like your thing, man! You'd fit right in here.

Hope you consider the offer,

Archon of Armok #99594953948, overseer of the fortress Dikewind.

[MythagoWoods]

Dear Urist MsAxedwarf,

You have one eye.
You have one arm.
You wield a copper battle axe AND copper shield, both of which you've named, while your fellow military are decked in steel.
You are my best and most respected warrior with the most kills
Why did you decide to bite that forgotten beast with deadly extract?
How did you tear the HEAD off the forgotten beast with your TEETH?
How come you walked away unscathed, practically flossing with the beasts sinew, smothered in its blood, and are suffering no effects?
Why is that cat melting?

Sincerely,
Your perplexed but amused overseer.

[Jake]

Dear Kubkt Etagsht and Id Vbokshtbeth,

Sorry 'bout that. Didn't realise designating that section of wall to be smoothed would also designate the floor beneath the door. Just as well it opens inwards or you'd have had an even worse problem. Get well soon!

Your very embarrassed Avatar of Armok.

PS: Tell everyone I mean it about that poor outpost liaison’s blood, will you?

[shaded009]

Delivered via cross-dimensional mail:

Dear Archon of Armok #99594953948, overseer of the fortress Dikewind,

I would have been quite interested in your offer had I seen it sooner, truly, Dikewind sounds like an amazing place to live, but it cannot be. During the great piercing of the ocean (3rd attempt year 627) I decided that the mortal world no longer interests me, and as such I charged the ocean to battle the zombie great white sharks. Armok and Zalstrom send their regards about the fort by the way.

Sincerely,
Urist McChillinwiththegods (previously Urist McPsycho)

[Mister Always]

Delivered via cross-dimensional mail:

Dear Urist McChillingwiththegods,

do what you gotta, man. The world(s) is (are) your oysters.

Sincerely,

Archon of Armok #99594953948

[Mandango]

Dear Urist MsAxedwarf,

You have one eye.
You have one arm.
You wield a copper battle axe AND copper shield, both of which you've named, while your fellow military are decked in steel.
You are my best and most respected warrior with the most kills
Why did you decide to bite that forgotten beast with deadly extract?
How did you tear the HEAD off the forgotten beast with your TEETH?
How come you walked away unscathed, practically flossing with the beasts sinew, smothered in its blood, and are suffering no effects?
Why is that cat melting?

Sincerely,
Your perplexed but amused overseer.

Dear overseer,
HOLY ELF TESTICLES THAT'S AWESOME!
Yours truly,
Red shirt #3

[Indricotherium]

That cross-dimensional mail exchange was priceless.

 

[Ultimuh]

Dear Urist McDwarf.

When I order a lever to be pulled, drop everything you got in our hands and get to the f****** lever!

[agatharchides]

Dear Urist McMason,

 When I tell you to take down a wall sticking out over nothing, don't take down the piece connecting it to the fort first. Particularly when the wall is over the dining room. It fell 4 z=levels through solid rock, killing 6 including a legendary bowyer and now the fort is at serious risk of tantrum spiral death.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McMiner,
I understand that you may want to take occasional breaks. I understand that you grow weary digging those deep, narrow trenches. Please cancel your break and channel those last three levels so that you don't STARVE. Thank you.

[PwndJa]

Dear UristMcNoviceHunter,

I understand that you wish to hone your skills and be a credit to the fort. I also understand that the fort currently has some food problems and that you were trying your best to help your starving brethren. This, however, does not mean hunting elephants with a low quality crossbow and wooden bolts is acceptable.

P.S. If you manage get back to the fort with your wounds I'll consider allowing the doctor to help.
P.P.S. Don't even think about coming back without bringing the lower half of your body.

Sincerely,
The voice in your head telling you to move all of that stone