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[Jake]

13. To the elves of Ithiile Midebi, the Golden-Pear of Vises, stop bringing us your useless wooden shit. Know what we want? Booze. Booze and maybe some animals we can train into war beasts. Maybe a li'l bit of food. Other than that, seriously, nothing you have interests us. Except maybe if you bring some golden pears. We'd like those.

If you want to make elven caravans actually useful, diversify into wholesale clothing.

[TolyK]

lol...

***

Dear migrants:
I will tell you this up front. I'm going to have you test my drowning trap.
(Then I'm reloading the save and doing something nice to you  )

- The Lever Puller

EDIT: High master soap maker? I think I can make use of you. Would you like to be goblin-fodder or do you want to make soap and clean corpses?

[Leonard DeVir]

Dear Urist McHammerswing!

Im grateful to hear of your recovery. As a blacksmith you are precious for everything slightly dwarven, and I really like your beard. It conecerned me deeply to hear stories about your withdrawl from society, brooding over some serious problems. But it seemed you solved it and overcame your serious thoughts.

But please note:
If you ever happen to brood over plans for an artifact floor grate again, make sure you dont use up our platinum bars and only two sapphires. If something like this ever happens again, Ill personally enlist you as avaliable artifact material for other dwaves.

Hasta la vista,
your supreme whiplasher without two sapphires.

[Girlinhat]

Psst: I buy all my diamonds from caravans.

[Leonard DeVir]

Me too normally, but sapphires are so rare and I actually found them, not stol...bought them from merchants

[Urist Imiknorris]

Dig more in the bauxite cluster you found them in. They're like sand people - they'll soon be back, and in greater numbers.

[brucemo]

Dear Urist McPetCat

Please get out of the trash incinerator.  There are better places to sit than on that Goblin's arm.  You are very lucky I spotted you and cancelled the "Pull the Lever" order, seeing as you are gray and so are the fifty or so wads of horse and cow hair that you are sharing the incinerator with.  You are even luckier that I'm probably the only person in the entire forum who'd fail to jump at the chance to kill a DF cat, pet or not.

I'll come to my senses eventually.  Better move now.

[Flaede]

Dear Urist McPetCat

Please get out of the trash incinerator.  There are better places to sit than on that Goblin's arm.  You are very lucky I spotted you and cancelled the "Pull the Lever" order, seeing as you are gray and so are the fifty or so wads of horse and cow hair that you are sharing the incinerator with.  You are even luckier that I'm probably the only person in the entire forum who'd fail to jump at the chance to kill a DF cat, pet or not.

I'll come to my senses eventually.  Better move now.

Do you know how hard I work to create situations like this? Them verminhunters ruin whole silk farming operations. Then I have to use (ugh) pigtails.

[strongrudder]

Dear Urist McPetCat

Please get out of the trash incinerator.  There are better places to sit than on that Goblin's arm.  You are very lucky I spotted you and cancelled the "Pull the Lever" order, seeing as you are gray and so are the fifty or so wads of horse and cow hair that you are sharing the incinerator with.  You are even luckier that I'm probably the only person in the entire forum who'd fail to jump at the chance to kill a DF cat, pet or not.

I'll come to my senses eventually.  Better move now.

I actually go out of my way to avoid killing cats in DF, because I like them. My intent is to sustain my dwarves on cattle eventually, but for now the exploding dog population will have to do. All my free-roaming cats, meanwhile, are male (We'll deal with migrant pets when they become an issue).

[UristMcDwarf]

Dear UristsMcMiners:
Please, Don't worry about the damp stone.
It's because of a lake above you.
Please stop being paranoid.

[Mantonio]

Dear pointy-eared ladyboys Elves.

Thank you for the Cougars! Now we have a breeding pair, which is lovely. And thank you for the wood as well. I mean, we will could just cut down the forests, but the lumber you bring in makes the whole process easier. All in all, thank you! I hope our yearly trades of whatever crap goods you have for our useless wonderful stone, bone and shell crafts can continue!

PS: Bring more Wolves! Or maybe an Elephant? Something bigger! Come on, why do you keep bringing us Rope Reed? You're breaking my heart here!

Sincerely yours,
Administrator of IronLantern
Dear scum Goblins scum

Are you going to send actual soldiers or what? I've personally signed the executions of five Thiefs now, and it's getting old.

Like your Demon leader.

Who is also stupid and weak.

Sincerely Up yours,
Administrator of IronLantern

[Girlinhat]

(Psst!  Go into the raws.  Find goblins.  Add [NATURAL_SKILL:DODGE:20])

[Mantonio]

(Psst!  Go into the raws.  Find goblins.  Add [NATURAL_SKILL:DODGE:20])

I'm INCREDIBLY suspicious

[Girlinhat]

Don't you want to have... Fun?

[Mantonio]

Don't you want to have... Fun?

Oh gee-whiz mister, I don't know! I heard that Fun can be bad for you!