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[Urist McTaverish]

Dear Urist McBabbyoven

Congratulations on the birth your most recent runt.  Hoever, due to the overpopulation of children that you and your fellow baby factories continue to cause, all children in the fort shall now be drafted on their first birthday.  Do not worry! We shall train them all well, and if they survive to become adults they shall be allowed to leave the military and lead normal lives.  This will also cut down on snatcher incidences.

Thanks for your understanding,
Your invisible overseer.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Urist McDoctor,

I understand, sometimes people get ideas that they just have to bring to life. And at times like that, it's easy to get excited. But when you are a doctor, and you are treating an axedwarf who was bitten by a gorilla and is bleeding from the liver, (a very important organ for dwarves) I do not care whether or not you are an armorsmith, making that artifact iron shield can wait!

I nicknamed that doctor "House". It sort of fits, since his only good medical skill is Diagnosticism... Now I just need to injure his leg somehow...

pretend he's a noble.

[Lord Dakoth]

Dear Urist,

We have had complaints about your pet cats. Neighbors have report a "massive, incestuous feline tribe."
Please take all means necessary to contain your animals. Note the enclosed pruning shears.

[Musashi]

Dear Urist McOtherMayor,

you seem to have an unhealthy passion for maces. First, you forbid their exportation, which didn't change a damn thing anyway because no merchant showed up during that mandate. Then you ordered to have maces made. I spent precious ore that could be put to much better use to make these, knowing no one in my army would ever equip these. I fulfilled your request a bit before the deadline, that was fine.
What do you ask for next?
EVEN MORE ARMOKFORSAKEN MACES.
Just what the hell do you plan to do with all these maces?!
...
... wait, actually, I don't think I want to know, after all.

Signed,
your overseer.

P.S. : watch your office.

You lucky git. My Mayor keeps demanding rings and my other nobles all want items out of metals I DON'T HAVE.

I would kill for a noble that only wanted maces

You got a point. However, in the meanwhile, she's ordered to have even more maces done, and the sheer fact it's maces again drives me crazy.

[Urist McTaverish]

Dear Urist Mcpantsless

Puts some pants on!

Yours
The invisible overseer

[Greiger]

To Peasant.

I understand your desire to store your owned things.  I really do.  If I did not I would not have placed cabinets in all the private apartments. 

But please stop spamming my log with cancellations saying that you can't reach something you claim to own.   Or at least tell me what the hell you are trying to get.  So I can consider a project to make it accessible.  I have checked EVERY SINGLE INACCESSIBLE ITEM ON THE MAP I KNOW OF.  None of them have your name on them.  None of the bloated goblin corpses and clothes in the moat, none of the water scattered discarded clothes in the cavern, and none of the items that were accidentally bridgeapaulted to the top of the walls.  None of it lists as being owned by you.

The militia captain has his left hand and wing that got bitten off during the forgotten beast attack sealed outside in the caverns.  And look at him, he couldn't care less! 

I am seriously considering capital punishment.  You know unlike many others I loathe intentional murder of my followers.  If you don't stop complaining about your missing sock, or whatever the hell it is, I will build an execution chamber just for you.

The Administration.

[dragonshardz]

...his left hand and wing...

What kind of dwarf has a wing?

[Greiger]

Mutant dwarves?


...They are really short compared to dragons...

[Samuel]

Dear goblin snatchers,
I'm running out of cages, and my military is aching for some action. Can you please try, just try to avoid the traps?

Signed,
A bemused Dwarf Overlord

[Lord Dakoth]

Dear Urist,

Please leave the Bronze Colossus in the cage when moving it.

[Urist McTaverish]

Dear Urist McCatPerson

YOU HAVE ALL THE CATS IN THE FORT! (47) Fortunately, I just finished your own wing of the fort for you, so you and your cats can live together for the rest of your lives, which, if my calculations are correct will be just a few more days.

P.S. Ignore the sound of rushing water.

Yours
Your pissed-off overseer

[Uzu Bash]

Soldiers! Gentlemen.

You live like lords here. You have the finest quarters. Legendary d-facs manned by a Master Chef (yes, please applause, he does a hell of a job.) You go into battle with nothing but the finest gear to defend your life and slay your enemies. You have no reason for a foul mood.

Now I understand temper issues. I've got them, and many of my finest warriors have had them. Legends who are here with you right now.

But you've crossed the line when you kill a civilian. Especially with an issued weapon. If you ever strike a civilian while armed, I'm going to dedicate my attention to ensuring that your life will be short but miserable.

That is all. Dismissed!

[dmgpurity]

Dear Urist McIdiot,

Dont move.

-Yours Truly,
        the Catapult Operator
     

[Uzu Bash]

Dear Urist McKickass,

This isn't a bitch session, though this is the thread for it, I should take the time to pass out praises. Some of you do me proud. You rock in every sense of the word. No one better dare fuck with you.

Your grateful Overseer

[Samuel]

Dear Urist McStuckInAHole,
Well, this is awkward. Guess I kinda have to take the blame for this one. I'm sorry you accidentally had a floor built over you while you were in the hole. I'm sorry you had to tear down the floor yourself to get out. I'm sorry I rebuilt the floor when you wouldn't leave, assuming you were just being a douche. I'm sorry for leaving you in there until you got thirsty in hopes of getting you to move. Sorry I didn't notice there was no downward stairway on the surface, preventing you from escaping. To make it up to you, I'll have the walls and floor of your room engraved. Please don't complain if you end up with a bunch of pictures of some guy taming eagles.

Signed,
Your Facepalming Overlord