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[Deus Machina]

Dear survivors of Goblin Ambush of 503,

  My condolences to the group for a pierced left lung, broken rib and ruptured right lung that I doubt will ever heal right, a broken arm (that splint looks to be working wonders, by the way), and the loss of several left toes.

  You with the bruised left hand, make note that I do know the difference between 'unconscious' and 'asleep'. Please get back to stonecrafting.

  A note to you all: there are two dozen beds in the hospital area. Please utilize them. Having six of you sleeping in one corner as a very literal pile of blood, vomit, and bearded half-armored bodies not only makes Urist McDoctor's job more difficult, but the sight has set varying levels of mental trauma upon the fortress's children.

Please clean yourself, and remember that the edge of the well is not the appropriate place to set your boots, favorite helm, bloodsoaked cloak, or Urist McToddler. Yes, I'm looking at you, Catten.

Sincerely
  considering building the hospital against the waterfall's pool to force you all to bathe.

[Knick]

To the Members of the Squad "the Fenced Winds'

In a show of solidarity to our comrade Urist McHammerdwarf, all members of the Fenced Winds will be given time off to attend the funeral of little Urist McBabyshield.  The funeral will take place in the catacombs as soon as all the body parts have been located.  It would be much appreciated if whoever found Urist McBabyshields right forearm and left foot would return it.

PS:  Would someone please clean the spatterings of baby blood off the walls of the barraks?

[Encased in burning magma]

SOLDIERS!

STOP STRIPPING RANDOMLY! FUCK YOU!

[Kearn]

no

[Eugenitor]

STOP RIDING THE FREAKING DUMPED STONE INTO THE VOLCANO YOU IDIOTS

?

[Kearn]

?

yes

[Clover Magic]

Dear Pet Kitten of my Expedition Leader,

I am a benevolent overlord.  Really, I am.  I love cats.  Newborn kittens are only greeted with caging, and pet cats wander my halls freely.  You should be honored to live in a fort where cats are not slaughtered wholesale.

So please ignore  the "curiosity killed the cat" folk saying and refrain from exploring the newly-dug cistern as it is being flooded.  I won't dig you an escape stairwell next time, and I only did it the first time so my expedition leader would not tantrum and your rotten corpse wouldn't muck up my fort's water source.  A Cautious Cat is a Healthy Cat.

Thank you,
Your Cat-Loving Overseer

[KaguroDraven]

Dear all Urists.

I am a kind god to you, I guide you with a loveing hand until you are all fat, rich, and have slaughtered every monster, goblin, and elf around. But I beg of you, please stop putting hauling hunks of rock above getting rid of the rotting mule brain that is createing a miasa that is makeing everyone unhappy.

Related to this, please haul all food into barrels as fast as possible as to prevent rot like this in the first place.

Greetings.
Your nameless God.

[FreakyCheeseMan]

To Whichever Urist Has Been Naming My Squads:

While I was delighted to command the Helmed Horrors and the Axes of Murder, your latest feat of nomenclature, The Large Orbs, has me weeping with joy. I will sing your praises as long as we both shall live. Marry me.

[Shrugging Khan]

Dear Non-Swimmers,

You are, from now on, banned from the beach. You may also no longer drink from the well. Drink booze, or die of thirst.

Sincerely,
Shrugger

[m1k3y4e7]

Dear Urist Mcjanitor,

while I agree that cleanliness is important, I would appreciate if, in the future, you did not stop to clean while magma was flowing towards you.


sincerely,
Urist mcruler

[Granzon]

Dear Urist McGatherer,

if there is a cave crocodile between you and a piece of cave spider silk it is not a wise idea
to take the most direct route.

A dwarfen live is worth more than some silk (maybe).

[mrtspence]

Stop mining out the bottom layers of the well before the shaft itself. It will reduce the amount of shattered limbs our overworked doctors must cope with greatly.

[Greiger]

Dear Residents of outpost Bonesthrow.

The area previously known as future workshops, barracks, diningroom, hospital, and dorms, will henceforth be known as the primary water storage area. 

My bad.

Sincerely:
The management.

P.S. No-one will ever speak of this again.

[Wolock]

Dear Urist McDraftedMiner

Please note that we expect you to use your working pick during deployment. Sure, you wrestled 3 or 4 rhesus macaque to death without problem, but the pick you dropped is now gone in the wild. Now, we have to live above ground like humans until a caravan brings us a pick.

Sincerely,
The group.