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[Midcat]

Dear Urist McPeasant,

First of all, let me sincerely thank you for recovering our only surviving Legendary Miner recently after he stupidly caused a cave-in while channeling away space for our windmill power project. However, your over-enthusiasm for this prestigious duty causes me some concern.

It is okay for our Miner to be out of his hospital bed when our qualified medical staff are attending to his medical needs, he does not need to be moved to a nearby bed while our surgeon has him on a table in the middle of surgery. As a result of your continuous interruption, our miners wounds became infected, and our medical staff were unable to remove the infection in time.

His pick is now being assigned to your safekeeping, there is a new 100 z-level shaft that we require to be completed as soon as possible.

Sincerely,
Your Overseer

[Urist Imiknorris]

All he wanted was a promotion.

[Xerillum]

Dear Urist McMiner,

When I have you build a wall to re-seal the HFS, please don't stand on the wrong side. Your body will not be recovered.

Sincerely,
The Overlord

[peregarrett]

Dear newly-drafted recruits,

Yes, there is a titan causing chaos at the top of out ain stairwell. Yes, you all are to handle this situation. Yes, you should attack him.
But take a weapon from your wisely-designed uniform first!!!

- your master, tired of elite wrestlers teared in a halves.

[benas424]

Dear Urist McMiner,

When you are digging that new space for the stockpile that will prevent our fortress from slowing to a F**KING BLOODY HALT, PLEASE MINE THAT ONE GODDAMN TILE LEFT BEFORE GOING ON A F**KING BREAK, THEN EATING, THEN SLEEPING, THEN DRINKING THEN F**KING REPEATING THE WHOLE F**KING ROUTINE.

Thank you.

-Sincerely, The Overlord.

[Samuel]

Dear Ushrir Asobdalzat,

I admire your resolve to do your job no matter what. I can also understand your refusal to admit you're injured, especially when said injury was caused by your own stupidity. But if you keep running away from the hospital to keep mining with both your legs still broken, I'm going to have to disable your mining duties for your own safety. It's also pretty rude to just walk away from the doctor who's dutifully in the middle of setting your bone.

Signed,
Your concerned and disturbed Overseer

[lordofhyphens]

Dear new mining recruits:

Your presence is requested at the cistern to take the places of Urist McLegendaryMiner and his similarly attributed cohorts. Alas, intelligence is not bestowed up those gifted with a pick, and a five story fall is nearly lethal. Do not mimic the fallen's actions... and definitely do not expect the rocks to float when you cut off all support to them.

Signed,
Your Friendly Overseer

PS: The remains of those who fell will be consigned to the great river they gave their lives to sequester.
PPS: The cistern is awesome. You guys did great!

[darkrider2]

To: the mechanical workers guild
regarding: pumps

I'm sad to inform you that Olon was killed yesterday. Though it is not entirely his fault that the power was still running as he made the final connections on pump E-12, it was his choice to stand on the side of the pump which expels fluid, in this case magma. Unfortunately because of this he will receive no burial service, the best we can do is install a grate so that his bones do not float up and show in the brand new moat.

sincerely
your overlord

PS- on second thought, bones floating in the magma moat would look awesome.

[NKDietrich]

Dear Urist McMiner,

You've been frakking around sleeping eating and drinking for an eternity now. How about you go frakking dig where I told you to dig before the goblins arrive? Moron.

Sincerely,
Your Emperor

[Jacob/Lee]

Dear Urist McLegendarySworddwarf

Perhaps you should stop being a dumbass and pick up that artifact steel sword I oh so generously gave you before the goblins rip you limb from limb.

[dragonshardz]

Dear Urist McHauler,

When I designate things to be hauled to the trash compactor, DO IT. But don't work until you die of thirst.

Dear Urist McThirstyArchitect,

I KNOW you are thirsty. owever, if you GET OFF YOUR ASS AND BUILD THE LAST SCREW PUMP, I COULD FIX THAT FOR YOU!!!

Dear Urist McJailer,

NEXT TIME SOMEONE IS LOCKED UP, DON'T FORGET TO FEED AND WATER HIM!

[Bao]

Dear Urist McModcreatures: Dammit, go mine! We can't live properly without a living space. I understand you set the world on fire, but it's far away now, I don't care if you are scared of the wolves either, they're far away and probably will be burned by your awesome fire shockwave. BUT FOR YOUR OWN SAKES, MINE SOMETHING! Don't just sit there! Really...

Signed,
Bao

Also forum people, who think Slade is a myth:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Slade is actually... quite real. It's hidden fun stuff materials. Not what makes them, but, all the walls and stuff is made of it. It's also the heaviest stone in the game, so you can't do anything with it. I think it's an economical stone, too, meaning you can't use it.

[Akura]

Dear citizens of Oilwashed,
  I see that in the 5 or so months you've been here you've settled in quite nicely. I just have one little question.

Spoiler: Why in Armok's name are over half of you taking a break?!?! (click to show/hide)

GET BACK TO F-CKING WORK!

Signed,
Datan Tathtatlikot, King of Arbosttulon

[Urist Imiknorris]

Also forum people, who think Slade is a myth:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Slade is actually... quite real. It's hidden fun stuff materials. Not what makes them, but, all the walls and stuff is made of it. It's also the heaviest stone in the game, so you can't do anything with it. I think it's an economical stone, too, meaning you can't use it.

We know this. We don't want our dwarves knowing it, because then they could like it and thus mandate it.

[breadbocks]

Also forum people, who think Slade is a myth:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Slade is actually... quite real. It's hidden fun stuff materials. Not what makes them, but, all the walls and stuff is made of it. It's also the heaviest stone in the game, so you can't do anything with it. I think it's an economical stone, too, meaning you can't use it.

We know this. We don't want our dwarves knowing it, because then they could like it and thus mandate it.

Right. I gave Slade [PREFSTRING:IMPOSSIBILITY TO GET]