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[phoenixuk]

Dear Hospital Team,
Please for the love of god just let Alath Ralziril, Miner, wounded in combat with the evil snow titan (seriously, snow...) die already... you've been performing surgery on him every 5 minutes for a month! The screams are giving our dwarflings nightmares! Either figure out what you are doing to him or just let him go!
And should you figure it out, and he actually survives, i'm going to let him decide which of you get's sent to the arena...
Signed,

Baron McHatessurgery

[jwest23]

To the Order of the Masons:

Would the stone worker who undertook the job to carve fortifications into the warm stone wall please return to the job site to reclaim your lips.

In the future, all stone workers are to refrain from kissing fortifications, especially when magma is about to flow through them.

--The Mgmt

[deltagear]

Dear Urist Mcimigrant,

I understand I haven't set your healcare labors yet, but please unless you want to end up a corspes in the trash compactor don't retrieve or dead warriors from the dangerous areas outside the safe fortress walls.

your's truly dwarf stalin.

[mellonbread]

To all the Dwarves,

You had it coming.

[lanceleoghauni]

Dear Incoming Immigrants: Due to housing concerns all dwarves not in possession of desired skills will shortly be sent to resettlement camps. There will be loads of free booze. Please ignore the large bridges surrounding the party area.

[deltagear]

Dear Incoming Immigrants: Due to housing concerns all dwarves not in possession of desired skills will shortly be sent to resettlement camps. There will be loads of free booze. Please ignore the large bridges surrounding the party area.

Pleas assume the party escort submission position.

[Ieb]

Dear surviving members of Military Squad C:

I understand that it has you shocked to find that your squad of five has been cut down to two, literally. But you are a strong bunch, quite new to military life but you at least managed to get it together unlike your three squad-mates, which included your squad leader.

I would like that the new squad leader would emphasize to future additions of Squad C that under no circumstance, should a retreat order to the burrows be given, for anyone in the squad start heading to the surface.

When we give an order to retreat to safety, it's always for a good reason. Usually those reasons resolve around armed goblins, rampaging kobolds or yet another attack by skeletal or zombie creatures. Your armor can only protect you from so much harm, but against stupidity even masterwork steel can't help with.

Keep up the good work and learn from your previous superior officer's mistake.

Signed, the Mayor.

[opsneakie]

Dear Entire Militia Force,

You suck. Seriously. You had plenty of weaponry and armor, and were barely outnumbered. Seriously. You suck so badly.

Sincerely,

Your Replacements.

[Greiger]

Dear Peasant # 3

I know we have had a shortage of booze lately, and the elves bringing booze was very forward thinking of them.  However the trade depot is NOT a safe place during this goblin ambush.  Most of the booze has already been brought inside, drink some there, you don't have to drink the booze directly from the depot in direct violation of the "Get Yer Civilian Asses Inside" order.

If you don't de-ass the trade depot with the quickness I'm locking yer ass outside to die with the elves.

Sincerely about to put my foot in yer ass,
The Militia Commander.

EDIT:

To Engraver # 9

Seriously, what the fuck man.  Thanks to YOU, the relatively simple, idiot-proof tower cap farm project will include casualties.  Yes the tower cap area was being flooded from the water cistern.  And yes, since it has been more than 5 years since the cistern has been drained all the underground trees that were in stasis suddenly shot up to full size instantly, so I did need a few folks to go down there to perform maintenance.

Those folks did not include you and yer half dozen children.  I wanted woodcutters.  And you went down there to do god knows what, well after the woodcutters had finished, while the tree farm was being drained.

I hope you and your children enjoyed being forced through the fortifications and dumped unceremoniously into the mud of the cavern.  Fortunately for you, the spotters say that the forgotten beasts have taken note of the resounding sound of your legs breaking from the impact, and they will likely save you a slow painful death.

We will not be collecting your mangled corpses.  Have a nice day.

Love,
The Baron.

[sekullbe]

You there in the hospital- Get up. You've been there five years. You're fine. Your insurance is gone, your long-term comp is up, and I just heard back from the Miners Union about you: "Urist McWho?"

The hospital ward's gonna be the hospital pool pretty soon, see if I don't.

[Medicine Man]

Dear Urist Mccrossbowman

I TOLD you not to use the Bismuth Bronze bolts for hunting!now what are you going to defend the fortress with?sticks and teeth?

Signed,Angryplayer.

[Supersquee]

Dear Urist Mc"What's in that warm glowing trench?"

Your free healthcare has been removed due to your exploratory dive into the lava moat, if you manage to crawl back out we will not come get you.

[Un67]

Dear Urist McHunter,

Go to work already. Quit moaching around like you can't do it, you know you have everything you need...

[otze3000]

Dear Urist McHerbalist,

we appreciate your commitment to the job. But if you're to go to a burrow immediately please see to it, We appreciate your commitment but do NOT run off away from the fort entrance when engaged by goblins. The military will come to your rescue asap, let them do their job as you do yours. We will notify your next your kin about your passion for plucking that root, though.

[Medicine Man]

Dear Uristmcsleeper military

You slept during a gobbo ambush!we would have WON if you were not asleep,you were fully decked in Bismuth Bronze and you had weapons that you like!

Signed,Reallypissedoffplayer.