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[noob]

TO: Urist McMason

stop building walls so you get trapped on the other side and starve to death.
if this happens in the future i will have no choice but to send some goblin archers to shoot at you until you dodge off the platform and fall 1 z level to the ground. please jump instead if risking half the fort. it wont kill you.

~the overseer

[billybobfred]

Memo to Urist McMoody of Estriththining, "Spysap"
Re: The Situation

Silk? Silk? What the fuck is so great about silk. We had fifty billion *pig tail cloth* and you wanted spider silk from the caverns. Well, I found the caverns for you, and now the elk birds formerly running around in the caverns are running around in our fort. This is your fault.


Memo to the military of Estriththining, "Spysap"
Re: The Situation

Okay. I admit, having turned off invasions, I believed I could be lax in figuring out how to make you train under the DF2010 system. So it's my fault you're not very good at what you do. That said, why the hell didn't you SHOOT the elk-birds? There are only two of you, yes, but you're novice archers and you both have the title "Bird-shooter". Really, this isn't hard to figure out. Crossbows are for launching bolts, not hitting things. This is your fault.


Memo to everyone else of Estriththining, "Spysap"
Re: The Situation

COME ON. The elk birds will basically ignore you completely if you don't provoke them. The only reason I bothered sending the military after them at all is because YOU KEPT SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER ABOUT THE SCARY-ASS HARMLESS BIRDS. This is your fault.

[MythagoWoods]

Dear Urist McMilitary,

You took down a freakin' 600 year old ETTIN who had been terrorizing the country side with a ragtag group with copper armor and weapons and suffered NO casualties.  How in the name of Armok did all 30 of you get wasted by 3 leather clad, silver axe wielding goblins?  Dwarven Warriors... I am disappoint.

Sincerely,
your disappointed Overseer

[Lex Talionias]

Dear Urist McMiner

well due to a clerical error you were told to dig a down ramp instead of an up ramp, honestly you dug an underground tunnel with only one way out, im sure you should have been able to work out that you shouldn't destroy your one way out. however i must say the new extension to the aqua duct you dug out under our fair city of 'bastions' is fantastic, still i didn't intend for you to connect it to main aqueduct until it had been properly drained, but i guess that is both your fault and problem as we needed to stop you starving to death and contaminating the water supply. i have had this letter sent to the main sewer access which once you learn how to swim i'm sure you will find... eventually. please think harder about your actions in the future and try harder not to trap yourself in a life threatening situation.

yours, Lord Mayor Shem Melbiluvel

[FrisianDude]

You're not entirely right in the head, are you?

Cotton Candy blunt weapons are as good as a weapon made of actual cotton candy.

Err, oops. I forgot about that. I can see the problem. Still, it has value I suppose.

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Urist McMilitary,

You took down a freakin' 600 year old ETTIN who had been terrorizing the country side with a ragtag group with copper armor and weapons and suffered NO casualties.  How in the name of Armok did all 30 of you get wasted by 3 leather clad, silver axe wielding goblins?  Dwarven Warriors... I am disappoint.

Sincerely,
your disappointed Overseer

This.  It happened to me.  I had a group of dwarves that wrestled down a HYDRA, only to get their asses kicked by goblins two seasons later.

[Ancre]

Dear members of the military ;

After you killed something, please take our weapons back to your rooms. Don't toss them somewhere random on the map ; you'll have to search for them afterwards, and if you're assigned to kill crundles on the third cavern system, well you're going to walk a long time to get the swords that you ythre outside of the fortress.


Dear butcher :

See that dead, mutilated animal ? Butcher it. I know it wasn't killed by a hunter, but come on, it's going to be as good as any other meat once you've butchered it. So butcher it. Else, if the dwarves get hungry and turns on their comrades, I'll make sure you'll be the first one to be sacrified for the well-being of our community.


Thank you for your attention ;
your hivemind.

[Gr33kjester]

Dear Useless Half assed Military,
Please, Hammer w]dwarfs, this is are first winter, I have 3 of you, 2 competent and 1 Skilled, please, stop flooding the hospitable by ACCIDENTLY breaking you hand, then making it better, I know the nurses are hot, but please, WORK!!!!
Signed,
Joseph Jester

[UristMcDwarf]

Dear UristMcMiner.
Very impressive!
In our search for Adament, I was shocked with your run-in with a Reacher.
But, you stood calm, and brained it with your pick.
not only that, you also found the precious ore as well!
Nice work,
Mr. Deity.

[UristMcDwarf]

Dear everyone.
No. We dug to deep. We're doomed. We might have been able to seal of the caverns if you didn't keep going into them. I mean, theres not even anything in there.
Exasperated, Mr. Diety.

[cog disso]

Dear Demonic Three-Eyed Camel Made Of Fire,

How much are they paying you? I'll double it.

[Horizon9]

Dear Urist McAxeman,

Next time we get accosted by a Kobold, try to dispatch it without letting it insert its dagger into your head. Especially if you haven't even HIT the damn thing yet.
Seriously we had to leave it to Urist McMiner to finish off the Kobold, and he got out without a scratch. Even the planters joined in without getting injured. How did you, a Skilled Axeman, get finished off that quickly? From a counterattack no less. The only reason you got a tomb was because I didn't need your ghost bothering the working class dwarves around here.

Your disappointed Overlord.

[TheeBaconman]

Dear Urist McHammerLord.

I'm sorry you lost your buddies, they shouldn't have been outside. We have rules here, and anyone caugh outside is sentenced to death by enemies. You didn't have to tantrum and punch half the cave!

P.S. GREAT SHOT!!! That baby you hit with a barrel! I mean a tiny BABY, with a BARREL! Killed instantly too! Don't feel bad, and tell his/her parents that 'future imperfect' was going into the cannon fodder squad anyways!

P.S.S. Stop tantruming, it is kinda annoying.

[Qinetix]

To Urist McMason

I get it that you like to engrave masterpieces in my fortress , but please build that walls and fortifications before a siege eventually pops in

From the unseen force that controls this fortress

[Fredd]

  Dearest Overlord,


  We know you try, but in your free time, which you have loads, research military science a wee bit more. If you knew how to properly run, the military, there would be less boo boos, and you could save your energy, from not cussing us, for said boo boos.


   Sincerely, the Militia
   (P.S Bomreck the axedwarf totally disagrees. She likes having no job to do)