Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Musashi]

Dear Olon Degeles

I still don't quite understand why you kid went berserk all of a sudden (was it your being an orphan, your 12-year old brother who got enrolled just because he punched a troglodyte as a baby instead of just becoming a professional meatshield, the lack of bedrooms, the constant FBs mayhems, or the chronic but mostly harmless pandemic that renders up to a half of the population completely numb?), but I sincerely apologize for my having to kick your brain out for the safety of your fortress. No, really, I do. Though I do hate you a little for making me sad about a perfectly dwarfy and FunŽ story. I don't even remember how old you were, nor your gender. That is not relevant anymore, for you will join your father at last by the side of Armok, and he still knows who you are. There, get a statue of the god of children making a plaintive gesture in your tomb.

Requesciat in pacem,

Your Overseer who still rules over you in death



Dear surviving family of Olon,

I don't care if the oldest brother is 12 and was just enrolled in the military for having punched a troglodyte to nausea when he was but a wee baby; I'm not giving him the chance to punch a single citizen. It is also valid for the rest of you. I won't assign war dogs to any of you because they're all stuffed in a thermonuclear cage bomb just in case, and the pandemic going on would probably neutralize them anyway; however, please do remember, I always have soldiers training, and they wouldn't mind using their new shiny blue weapons on the next volunteers who would express a desire to join the dead sibling and father. None of you will get the same honor as Olon.

It hurts me more than it will hurt you, no, really!,

Your Overseer who you wouldn't make to drive berserk either

[Urist McTaverish]

Dear Urist McHauler
I admire your dedication to try and lug that boulder of Galena up a hundred Z-levels and then halfway across the fortress, but you're thirsty, hungry, and you STILL have that nervous system damage.  Just give up already, no one will think you any less of a dwarf.

Regards
Your Loving Comrade what Lurks in the Dark.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McMiner,
I have been informed about the demise of Urist McCrispyminer. I am willing to admit, it was partially my fault. I should have told you to channel at the top of the mountain, not dig. I am sorry. If you are ever given a task like that, please, when the inrvitable cave-in occurs, try to stand on the side of the moutnain top opposite he active volcano. It's so hard to replace those copper picks...and the dwarves that use them, of course.

[Rysith]

Dear Urist McClothier,
  Although I know that you aren't really a people person, and you are correct that the soon-to-be water cistern is a nice, large, empty room where you can get away from the sound of your fellow dwarves, it is not an appropriate place for you take your break.

Regards,
Your Overseer

[tomas1297]

Dear Urist McDoctor,
 Stop taking the patient out of his bed and then complaining about how he isn't resting. You are the reason we can't have nice things.

 Thank you for your attention,
  Your Cruel Tormentor

PS.: I try to be nice, you know? It's your fault. Now we're dropping you into the troglodyte pits.

[Flaede]

Why would anyone make metal crafts?  It's all about weapons and armor. Nothing says decadence like 12 sets of gold and platinum inlaid, black sapphire, star sapphire, white diamond, black diamond encrusted masterwork steel armor for everyone in the fortress, soldier or no.

errr , yeah , go on , i'll laugh when you run out of crap to sell to the merchants

You're kidding, right? Just one of those suits of armor could buy out an entire caravan of gems to encrust the next dozen with. Also: roasts.

[K17U]

Dear Administration of the Mountainhomes,

I realize, that as a mere outpost overseer, it is certainly not my position to speak up in matters concerning inter-civilizational politics. However, as a humble servant of our beloved queen I must say, that while it might be true, it was not the most appropriate choice to publicly label our wise ruler as a drunkard:


sincerly,
The Overseer of your latest Outpost


------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Bomrek McForgottenbeastMadeFromFireOpal

Thank you a lot for easily dying to the hands of Urist McNoviceMiner. However, was it really necessary to crush the entire 20 dwarf strong military of our young outpost beforehand?
Or the entire farming team for that matter?

sincerly,
Your friendly neighbourhood overseer

P.S.: Please stop using a dwarven name.

[Urist Imiknorris]

It only makes sense that a miner would be able to kill a creature made of gems. It's just another day on the job, except that the wall is slightly harder to hit.

[K17U]

Ah, I see.
Likewise, an enemy composed of mud would be easy to kill for farmers, while an enemy made of steel is no challenge for an experienced weaponsmith.
I shall remember this.

[Willfrey]

Dear Urist McDisabledVeteran
I appreciate your service and leadership in the year of our founding, however you must understand due to the injuries you recently sustained I had to relieve you of your position as the noble captian of the guard.  Please ignore all the engravings depicting how you cried when you were relieved of command that fateful day.

Furthermore, there are many dwarves bedridden in the infirmary recovering from grevious injuries far worse than yours.  I believe I speak for all dwarves when I say we are tired of watching you limp around the meeting hall bleating every five minutes about how you can't haul rocks because of the pain.

Yours truly,
Overseer.

[Hivemind]

Dear Urist McInfanticide,

Good job. You have lowered my faith in Dwarves enough to rival that of my faith in humanity. How did you do that? By having a tantrum and THROWING YOUR BABY INTO THE LAVA PIT. Which, may I add, only seemed to upset you more... causing the death of the two haulers that happened to run by, as you beat them to death with your bare fists.

I... I'm actually not sure what I should do to you.

Signed,
THE DIRECTOR

[Captain Howdy]

Dear expecting mothers,

Please stop confusing "Danger Room" with EVERY-FUCKING-OTHER-ROOM in the Fortress.

Signed,

The voice inside your head that tells you what to do

[Caevin]

Dear Rith Woodcutter/Soldier

I'm sure you noticed our predicament upon arriving on this sight. However, I chose you for a reason, both because I was expecting trouble and wanted you to be useful when not slaughtering all who oppose us. However, simply because I assign you to a squad with no equipment assigned to you does not give you the right to strip down to nothing and even remove that handy axe that you are doubly trained in. At least you put a breastplate on, but I think for the sake of the rest of us that is far too little for modesty's sake. I'm sure you realized the folly of this when you decided to wrestle an alligator and had your foot bitten fairly badly, though I commend you on beating it. However, unfortunately you did not have time to comtemplate on your style of dressing, due to the onslaught of buzzards we then recieved (I admit possibly due in part to me and my lack of moving our food stores to a safer place). In a way, I am glad you ended up dodging into the river and drowning, the new recruit has done a much better job of you, fending off a seige single-handedly!


Also, a note to my Doctor,

Well well well, I can really do is laugh at this. The woodcutter died partly of his own stupidity, and I'm not sure that entitles you to try and jump off the cliff and kill yourself. Partly for your sake it didn't, and you survived with half of your body not fractured! I hope you enjoy some fresh immigrant with no medical skills operating on you!

Sincerely,
Losing Interest in Keeping Every Last One of You Alive

[Musashi]

Dear Urists and Shorasts,

you know that hole in the caverns that I dug so the water flooding the floor partially would pour somewhere else faster? Yes, that hole. The one that killed a miner after a painful 8-z-levels high fall. Yes, the channeled-out tile that's dangerous because, while walkable, the surrounding area is still flooded with enough water to push you in its direction at the worst possible moment. You might remember a non-negligible number of dwarfs and a cat died this way, don't you, not counting the lone survivor that was then mercy-killed by some infection later. And I can't build anything around it because, hey, no big surprise, there's water, and it would be completely suicidal to send someone to place a grate over it. Yep. That hole.
Yeah.

... well, stop going near it.


Your Overseer who somehow still finds the energy to write letters for a pile of virtual alcoholics midgets that don't really exist nor are sentient, or are they?
there was a hole here
it's gone now

[Corwyn]

Dear Urist McPsychic,

  When you got a vision of sorts that had you run off and claim all the cotton candy I'd managed to mine -and extract- safely for building your masterpiece, and it is a marvel at that too, valued 1,520,000 coin, studded with a cut large black diamond...  The mayor's family would like to know how you got this vision to build and then moments before completion, you etch out in it how the Mayor was struck down by that goblin ambush while he was cleaning a trap seconds after the fact had happened.

  Sadly if this was a request for blood for Armok, since this was a barrel and not a more dignified creation, (like a statue) it will hold various seeds that the humans had brought with them, never to be seen again except by the new hoardmaster who will count the 25 bladeweed and move on.

  Good news though, you now have your own anvil and I expect the first few steel sarcophogii to be finished for our surviving members.  I suspect this morbid act is why new people arriving come 'despite the danger' they say.  Having the mayor as our first casualty other than a warpony who sacrificed itself for our woodcutter isn't good, but it has been a nice 11 years so far.

  Don't mind the lack of door in your new tom... home.  The food tunnel above will keep you supplied, Lady McMason will keep you company I'm sure since she decided to seal herself in with you she must have some other motivation.  Just push out your creations through the service chute below and all will be well.


  You should have seen this coming.
  ~Administration.