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[Nova Solarius]

Dear dwarves (meaning you, Inod "Bridgewalker" Vabôkurol),

No walking on the drawbridge as it retracts, please. Particularly not after you've pulled the lever yourself. Any further violations will be punished via exposure to the Atom Smasher.

Thank you,

Nova "too tired for this shit" Solarius

[nezclaw]

Dear urist mcmigrants goose.
While I understand that the giantess started it, in the future could you please let the military get a few hits in before you crack its skull open and send it into a coma. The military do like to think of themselves as useful and you've made them feel quite pathetic now. Like honestly, how did you even do that.

Your slightly confused/amused deity

honk

[gcus]

Dear Urist McStrangeMood:

No, we do not have shells.
No, we cannot get them right now.
Please don't get your crazy all over my fortress.

Nervously yours,

God.

[muldrake]

Dear Urist McStrangeMood:

No, we do not have shells.
No, we cannot get them right now.
Please don't get your crazy all over my fortress.

Nervously yours,

God.

I detest shells so much.  Any time I see a dwarf with a preference for shells I just want to kick them the hell out for that alone.  We do not have shells, we will never have shells, kill yourself.

[Acipenser]

Dear Urist McHauler

WHY ARE YOU STILL HAULING SPHALERITE?!
2.2 tons of sphalerite have been sitting in the snow for nine months.
You have no other jobs enabled.
What the f*ck are you doing?

With much pain and anguish,

Your Boss

[Naturegirl1999]

Dear Urist McHauler

WHY ARE YOU STILL HAULING SPHALERITE?!
2.2 tons of sphalerite have been sitting in the snow for nine months.
You have no other jobs enabled.
What the f*ck are you doing?

With much pain and anguish,

Your Boss

so you’re mad at the dwarf for hauling the material that you gave him the only job to haul?

[Acipenser]

Dear Urist McHauler

WHY ARE YOU STILL HAULING SPHALERITE?!
2.2 tons of sphalerite have been sitting in the snow for nine months.
You have no other jobs enabled.
What the f*ck are you doing?

With much pain and anguish,

Your Boss

so you’re mad at the dwarf for hauling the material that you gave him the only job to haul?

I am not mad that they are hauling sphalerite. . . but I am having a conniption that they are only moving one piece of ore every two months. It's like they're trolling me.

[Uthimienure]

Maybe this is a reasonable and natural behavior. Dwarfs don't like snow and they need variety in life.
Maybe Urist McHauler has unmet needs?  What does he/she do when not hauling? 

[Acipenser]

Maybe this is a reasonable and natural behavior. Dwarfs don't like snow and they need variety in life.
Maybe Urist McHauler has unmet needs?  What does he/she do when not hauling?

The only reasonable thing a dwarf can do: drink heavily and hide from the walruses.

[muldrake]

I am not mad that they are hauling sphalerite. . . but I am having a conniption that they are only moving one piece of ore every two months. It's like they're trolling me.

Unless you have some reason you're specifically stockpiling the ore itself, just smelt it.  It will be automatically hauled.  It's a little annoying it won't use wheelbarrows but if they're not hauling it to stockpiles anyway it won't be any slower.  Your furnace operators may begin to hate you.

[recon1o6]

Dear Urist McWrestlinginstructor

While I appreciate joint locks are an important part of disabling the enemy, executing one during training on Urist McTrainee's upper spine is a step too far.
Do not anger me again, Urist McTrainee had a lot of potential, and was in fact tipped to be physically one of the best soldiers we at the vault of creation have had for a while. Until you killed him

From the Overseer


Dear Urist McTrainee

My apologies I thought you were dead when in fact Urist merely destroyed your back and neck. If the chief medical dwarf has cleared you fit for service after a week of bone repair then I suppose there's nothing to be done but put you back onto training, this time with Urist McNewWrestlinginstructor while Urist McWrestlinginstructor takes an indefinate leave of absence down in the caverns

From the Overseer

[Leonidas]

Dear Urist McWrestlinginstructor

While I appreciate joint locks are an important part of disabling the enemy, executing one during training on Urist McTrainee's upper spine is a step too far.
Do not anger me again, Urist McTrainee had a lot of potential, and was in fact tipped to be physically one of the best soldiers we at the vault of creation have had for a while. Until you killed him

From the Overseer


Dear Urist McTrainee

My apologies I thought you were dead when in fact Urist merely destroyed your back and neck. If the chief medical dwarf has cleared you fit for service after a week of bone repair then I suppose there's nothing to be done but put you back onto training, this time with Urist McNewWrestlinginstructor while Urist McWrestlinginstructor takes an indefinate leave of absence down in the caverns

From the Overseer

Did that happen in 47.04? I thought that dangerous training was only in past.

[recon1o6]

It did indeed. /i have also seen in 47.02 a masterwork bismuth bronze helmet (no iron ><) get lightly tapped enough during training to break and make the armourer break down in tears.

[Moeteru]

Dear tavern keepers,
I know it's fun to keep serving drinks to your friends until they collapse unconscious in a pool of vomit and stop breathing, but please remember that some of your friends still need the use of their lungs in order to remain alive. I'd rather not have to conduct any Dwarven CPR experiments today, thank you.
Your benevolent Overseer.

Dear uneducated mortals,
Go to the Armok-damned library and learn the secrets of life and death already. You get cool magic powers, you stop ageing, and, most importantly, you can drink as much booze as you want without any risk of death. The book is right there, it's only 24 pages long, and I can assure you it's much more interesting than whatever "Humans: Fact or Fiction?" is about.
Your benevolent Overseer.

EDIT: It was inevitable. A 13 year old drank himself to death. The good news is that Dwarven CPR was successful and he soon got resurrected as a faded corpse. He immediately applied for citizenship and is once again a productive member of the fortress. His father and some of his siblings got a couple of bad thoughts from his death, but his mother seems fine about the whole situation. Given how successful that experiment was, I think I should build a proper CPR chamber at the back of the hospital.

[Quantum Drop]

Dear UristMcLever,

Congratulations. We're in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by Necromancer Towers on three sides, and under attack by the living dead, and you decide to go batshit over us not getting you crystal glass. You beat my main Craftsman to pulp, single-handedly killed a fortress by pulling the main bridge lever during a Necromancer Siege, and got me stuck in some mouldering old tower as a animated corpse enslaved to some doddering old fool that smells of death and mildew.

Armok help you if we meet again.

- Ex-Overseer Avuz Dorenadil