Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Derpy Dev]

Dear guests,

if you want to leave the fortress through the circus, that's fine but
know that the clowns will be there to give you a very !!warm!! welcome.


(and yes, after a lot of failed attempts, I did succed in having an outpost in the circus)

Dear Wahll (by the way this one has spoilers),

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You literally conquer hell, and you're telling us we can't go there? We always have to pick the most fun path available -- first the surface, then caverns, then hell. Come on, hell is the best.

[Wahll]

My bad, I'll be more careful in the future.

[Fish Preferred]

Dear Ignorant Bumpkins:

The tavern has scarcely been open for a month, and already I'm greeted with the sight of dizzy shouting dwarves piled atop one another, clothing and suffocated bodies left to rot on the floor, and a thick layer of frozen vomit coating everything from wall to wall. Is this what happens when I do nice things for you?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I admit that when I first saw the reports, they looked like cases of severe alcohol poisoning, but I soon dismissed this notion upon remembering that you are DWARVES. On further inspection it seems that you had hardly consumed anything and spent most of your time Socialize-ing. I must therefore conclude that you've all been literally talking your lungs out. Stop it.

Needless to say, the Icy Brew has been condemned as a public health hazard and all social gatherings are strictly prohibited until further notice.

[Fleeting Frames]

It is alcohol poisoning, done by your tavern keeper or performer.

Dwarves are good at holding their liqueur, though elves are better.

[spazyak]

It is alcohol poisoning, done by your tavern keeper or performer.

Dwarves are good at holding their liqueur, though elves are better.

So we should drown serve elves to this spectacular and most premium service? Heaven's tavern indeed, oh wait these are elves. Hell's dive bar.

[VolcanoQueen]

Dear bee folk of Rocksbook,

While I do admire your curiosity and eagerness to learn about the surrounding plant life, I strongly disapprove of your simultaneous decision to all fly into the trees and sit there for hours on end while there is still work to do, leaving your crippled friend dying of thirst on the ground below. We are bees, not elves. We cannot sit around hugging trees for our entire lives. Get down here and do your jobs.

Sincerely,
The Overseer Queen

[Monomstodir]

Dear Urist McLever,

As you know, we're undertaking vital magma plumbing operations. Indeed, you were chosen to breach the volcano! On your way out of the new conduit, I asked you to flip the lever that would block the magma from flooding the rest of the fortress. Which you did, and then, in some sort of Indiana Jones-esque move, flung yourself under the floodgate and sprinted to the oncoming tide of magma.

Why?

[pikachu17]

Dear bee folk of Rocksbook,

While I do admire your curiosity and eagerness to learn about the surrounding plant life, I strongly disapprove of your simultaneous decision to all fly into the trees and sit there for hours on end while there is still work to do, leaving your crippled friend dying of thirst on the ground below. We are bees, not elves. We cannot sit around hugging trees for our entire lives. Get down here and do your jobs.

Sincerely,
The Overseer Queen

Hey, we are gathering pollen! It is completely necessary!

[Tenbux]

To Miner McPitdigger

I understand becoming hungry while digging the sunroof pit for the new dining hall.  We all get hungry.  Its a fact of life.  I am also quite impressed that, with no training or prior experience, you managed to climb nine floors worth of pit walls to reach the surface.  What I do not understand is how you managed to get stuck in a tree.  Eight levels high.  In a tree that was located on the opposite side of the fortress grounds from the pit.  A tree that you had to walk past the fortress entrance and cross a river to reach.  I also do not understand how you believed yourself to be stuck after the impressive feats of climbing you exhibited to reach that position, and why I had to have a staircase constructed to get you down.

[VolcanoQueen]

Dear every dwarf in existence,

Stop getting stuck in trees, damn it.

Sincerely,
Some random human

[Moonstone_Flower]

Dear every dwarf in existence,

Stop getting stuck in trees, damn it.

Sincerely,
Some random human

Dear random human,

No.  We're mocking the elves.


Dear Urist McLegandaryMiner,

I understand that you were sleepy.  Believe me, I understand that quite well.  What I do not understand is why you chose to sleep in the hospital.  You don't even get a "it was closer" pass, as you needed to pass through the community dormitory to get to the hospital in the first place.

(On further inspection, the bed he chose was actually outside the hospital Zone.  Oops?)


Dear magma crabs,

Sod off and stop setting the outer fort on fire.


Dear zombie invaders,

Stop being on fire and sod off.


Dear alpaca,

What the hell were you doing that caused both a zombie human crossbowman and a magma crab to hate you so much that they decided to smear you all over the outer fort?


Dear butcher,



WHY

Edit 1:  Grammar.  Oops.

[Anandar]

Dear butcher,



WHY

Dear overseer Beetle meat = extra protien = stronger military
Note to self: get kitchens to make giant beetle steaks for dinner

[Monomstodir]

Dear Urist McPicky,

I appreciate your concern over the quality of the food options available in the fortress. If I were eating raw giant slug entrails, I'd be pretty peeved too. But to get to the entrails, you had to walk through a stockpile consisting of nothing but ☼Roast dinners☼. We have two kitchens churning out masterpieces of cuisine with a frankly alarming range of ingredients. If you choose to eat slug nuggets, that's all on you.

Dear Urist McButcher,

I realise I didn't make this explicit, but we could have managed without the slug steaks. Really.

[Moonstone_Flower]

Dear dwarfs of Agedales,

I understand that we are critically low on booze, and that an ACF-class Reality-Warping Species Extinction Event generally follows this.

However:



STOP IT.  The booze is flowing from the still even as I write this.  Stop puking all over the dining hall!

[Fleeting Frames]

Lack of booze doesn't cause dwarves to puke. Excessive consumption of booze, sunlight, some syndromes or gutpunches do.