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[Derpy Dev]

Hey Guys, guys - great idea! You know how you all hate getting caught in a miasma? This is just a idea, but what about if we hauled the half-eaten food/crundle arm (who brought this up here?)/dead escapee yak calves out to the dump before they rotted? Rather than everyone standing around looking at the putrifying lump and waiting for someone else to haul it? We're gonna have to move it anyway after all, this way we don't wave to wait until it's gone runny and everyone's vomiting.

Dear Monomstodir,

We can't just pick it up without someone telling us too! None of us are in charge. If you want us to dump this garbage, you need to tell us using K to look at it and D to label it for dumping, then we'll happily take it to the nearest zone you creating with I and made into a dump with D.

[Monomstodir]

You were told! I do appreciate that there was a dangerous cat gelding going on, which is always good for a distraction, but nevertheless.

[pikachu17]

Dear self,
FBs that are of spider shape always are webbers, in addition to whatever else it says.
Next time, just lock the FB away, instead of throwing away your military.

[Derpy Dev]

You were told! I do appreciate that there was a dangerous cat gelding going on, which is always good for a distraction, but nevertheless.

Hmm... is the garbage outside, or is the dump directly over open space or in an inaccessible are? It may also be forbidden, as I don't always notice that.

[Fleeting Frames]

Can't be outside, as it generates miasma. Though yeah sounds like an (o)rders, zone or stockpile issue.

@pikachu17: Unless they're tarantulas.

[Akura]

Dear Bombrek Paintwalled,

You're a Clerk, a talented record keeper, a great student, and an accomplished reader, even a decent hammerdwarf, all signs pointing to an intelligent individual.

Why are you carrying the wheelbarrow laden with a granite boulder instead of pushing it in front of you as you make your way from the mine to the stockpile? Do you not understand wheelbarrow?

Sincerely,
Overseer.

[scourge728]

Dear Bombrek Paintwalled,

You're a Clerk, a talented record keeper, a great student, and an accomplished reader, even a decent hammerdwarf, all signs pointing to an intelligent individual.

Why are you carrying the wheelbarrow laden with a granite boulder instead of pushing it in front of you as you make your way from the mine to the stockpile? Do you not understand wheelbarrow?

Sincerely,
Overseer.

"How do wheelbarrow, instructions unclear, arm stuck in bear"

[bloop_bleep]

Dear Bombrek Paintwalled,

You're a Clerk, a talented record keeper, a great student, and an accomplished reader, even a decent hammerdwarf, all signs pointing to an intelligent individual.

Why are you carrying the wheelbarrow laden with a granite boulder instead of pushing it in front of you as you make your way from the mine to the stockpile? Do you not understand wheelbarrow?

Sincerely,
Overseer.

"How do wheelbarrow, instructions unclear, arm stuck in bear"

"Must away from bear, jump in magma"

[Thisfox]

Dear Bombrek Paintwalled,

You're a Clerk, a talented record keeper, a great student, and an accomplished reader, even a decent hammerdwarf, all signs pointing to an intelligent individual.

Why are you carrying the wheelbarrow laden with a granite boulder instead of pushing it in front of you as you make your way from the mine to the stockpile? Do you not understand wheelbarrow?

Sincerely,
Overseer.

"How do wheelbarrow, instructions unclear, arm stuck in bear"

"Must away from bear, jump in magma"

"Magma was hot. Gonna get a beer..."

[mightymushroom]

Dear all Seed Sorters in the Haulers' Union:

I realize that there is an esprit de corps in your ranks that seeks to bedevil management when you can. However, certain pranks are getting out of hand. Why for the love of anthracite are you mixing different types of seeds when you bag them? I find it merely befuddling, but personally it is no inconvenience. Your union representative however informs me that any bag found to be cross-contaminated in this manner cannot be added to nor sorted into stockpiles. The only people handling these seeds are yourselves, so don't think I am ignorant of your complicity in this attempt to shirk off.

Secondly, the seed stockpiles are clearly marked with the desired types to keep. There is no pressing need to bag other kinds that we have no intention of either eating or planting; certainly you should not be doing so before attending to our future crops. There is no reason to exhaust our supply of bags in this fashion or via the shenanigans above. Quite aside from ordering you to dump them and start over, effectively doubling or tripling your workload, keep in mind that I am quite capable of commissioning more bags to be woven. You have no endgame here.

Your Overseer


Dear Ubbul Sherikdodok,

I am quite aware that you are our best Farmer. You are also our most skilled Mason, and given the labor shortages of our dead civilization many of us will find ourselves with more than one specialization. It will perhaps surprise you to learn that when I issued general Directive #3 allowing anyone to harvest plants I actually meant for everyone in or around the fortress to be eligible. It is not necessary to excuse yourself from a personally assigned masonry project the very same moment a single passion fruit ripens . . . multiple times over several days. There are others who can easily bring the fruits inside, but none who are as deft at shaping stone. Please consider your priorities with this in mind.


Dear Random Lungfish,

Sir or madam, and apologies that I didn't come close enough to be certain, please accept my congratulations for your accomplishments. The main host of your kind seem content to swim in the brook or crawl in the mud gulping air. A few have the strength to pull themselves, fin by fin, between stagnant pools. But you, you had the fortitude, willpower, and sheer audacity to stroll atop my fortress wall! Climbing about without any visible grasping parts: you are an inspiration. I could wish my dwarves had your spirit and joie de vivre.

A choked-up Overseer

[Staalo]

To all dwarves of Helmsthrone:

Crundle wrestling is good, clean fun for all ages. We heartily endorse our workers pursuing this traditional pastime whenever they venture into caverns, as it toughens up our populace and keeps the crundle population in check. However, we wish to discourage wrestling near the magma pipe opening in the second cavern, right next to the entrance; we are starting to suspect the recent unexplained disappearances are somehow connected with this.

Regards,
the management of Helmsthrone

[Jazz Cat]

To: Crossbow Squad, Undertower Militia.
From: Director of Activities and Labors
Attn: Militia Commander
CC: Urist McLeatherworker, Livestock Industry
Re: Squad Equipment and Uniform

MEMO to the third marksdwarf in Tetrahidrite Squad:

Please put on the glove you have been assigned. It's been three years.


To: Citizens of Undertowers
From: Director of Activities and Labors
CC: Urist McLeatherworker, Livestock Industry
Re: Handwear

MEMO to all civilians:

Please limit yourself to wool and hemp gloves and mittens when selecting fresh articles of clothing. The leather gloves are intended for militia use only. Urist McLeatherworker is getting sick of making leather gloves only to have them mysteriously disappear into the stocks screen, and we are running out of leather.

[Fleeting Frames]

Partial solution: Put part of civilians into military with uniform set to..gray gloves, I think?. Specifically, the non-mining/hunting/woodcutting part.

[Anandar]

Dear Urist Mcmagmaflood
It is much better to let people to think your stupid enough to flood the fort with magma than open the floodgate and prove it...

To the mountainhomes
Keep your reject nobles to yourselves!!!

[Wahll]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dear guests,

if you want to leave the fortress through the circus, that's fine but
know that the clowns will be there to give you a very !!warm!! welcome.


(and yes, after a lot of failed attempts, I did succed in having an outpost in the circus)