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[scourge728]

Dear Militia Commander,
great idea.. *evil face*

Evilly,
Scourge the Overseer

[hinric]

Dear Urist McArmorer,

I understand you have been locked up in the magma forge with a steel bar, an assortment of valuable gems and several items from the refuse pile for some time now, working on a secret project. Now it is finished and I think I speak for the entire fortress when I say: thank you for the beautiful steel low boot. It is truly spectacular. It will be given a place of honor next to the artifact chicken bone rings and saltpeter millstones.

[MehMuffin]

Dear High Master Weaponsmith,

A ZOMBIE CROW?! IT'S LIKE A DARKER COLORED FUCKING PIGEON!!! HOW THE HELL DID IT RIP THROUGH YOUR FUCKING SPINE YOU IDIOT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!

Best,

MehMuffin

[Eric Blank]

Dear mehmuffin

It ripped through his spine because he was a high master weaponsmith. If he were a milker he'd have suffered only bruises.

Keep your fragile high value targets indoors at all costs.

Sincerely, Murphy's Law

[scourge728]

Dear Mountain Home
In case you are somehow unaware, we have no water other then a few murky pools(most of which I've removed) and the cave water, which are terrible for a sustainable fishing industry, PLEASE STOP SENDING FISHERS
Annoyed,
Scourge the overseer

[TheBiggerFish]

Dear High Master Weaponsmith,

A ZOMBIE CROW?! IT'S LIKE A DARKER COLORED FUCKING PIGEON!!! HOW THE HELL DID IT RIP THROUGH YOUR FUCKING SPINE YOU IDIOT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!

Best,

MehMuffin

Dear MehMuffin,

Because zombies.

Best of luck,

Evil biome/necromancer.

[TheFlame52]

A ZOMBIE CROW

Wait a minute. Crows are vermin, which means they can't be zombies. That means you're either using a mod or it wasn't a crow. My best guesses for what it could be are either a giant crow or a raven - both of which, zombified, are fully capable of ripping a dwarf in half.

[scourge728]

Dear all the dwarves in the fortress
There was a helmet snake, it bit several miners, it is dead, some of you go bring the miners to the hospital or so help me....
Infuriatedly
Scourge the overseer

[billybobfred]

Dear Mountain Home
In case you are somehow unaware, we have no water other then a few murky pools(most of which I've removed) and the cave water, which are terrible for a sustainable fishing industry, PLEASE STOP SENDING FISHERS
Annoyed,
Scourge the overseer

In a fort without rivers, "fisher" is just another word for "recruit".

[scourge728]

Dear Mountain Home
In case you are somehow unaware, we have no water other then a few murky pools(most of which I've removed) and the cave water, which are terrible for a sustainable fishing industry, PLEASE STOP SENDING FISHERS
Annoyed,
Scourge the overseer

In a fort without rivers, "fisher" is just another word for "recruit".

The problem with that is I can't equip them reliably due to the lack of iron or tin in my entire embark area..

[spazyak]

Dear fisher and hunter dwarves,
Quite bitching about the shortage of food and go out and actualy hunt! We have a river right outside the fort with a little safe area for you fishers and hunters, have you not seen the amount of deer and Crapybara. We've had better years with less of you guys and the fort has only so much live stock.
 From,
Your annoyed overlord.
Ps. Why don't you all just take a look at that lever next to the flood gate on the other side of that air lock.


Also

Dear wood cutters,
You don't need to climb a tree to cut it down. Tired of having you guys starve to death in large groups on top of a tree. Though I do wonder how injured you all will be when Urist McCompitent finaly cuts it down.

Love,
Your worst chance at survival.

[Spehss _]

Urist McLegendaryMiner,

Why would you leave your trousers in the water reservoir? Why would you even take the trousers off in the first place? I watched you build a waterwheel, and then suddenly you're walking away and there's a pair of pants where you were standing.

Please come retrieve your trousers. We're waiting on you so we can get the water flowing again and power the magma pump stack. The thing that's taken 2 years to build. So hurry up. If you weren't so good at mining and killing things with an axe, I'd consider drowning you for this stupidity.

t. Overseer.

[scourge728]

Dear Urist McUnknowndwarves
Please stop leaving your clothing in the caverns

Dear all Urist McMiners
When you see a cave creature I don't want you to try (and fail) to beat it to death with your fists, I want you to slam the sharp part of your pickaxe into the creature's skull

Dear all Urist Mcthirstys
Why are you drinking things outside near the corpses, if you drank inside in the dining room or the tavern you wouldn't have to deal with the vultures now would you?

Dear All of the Urist McStresseds
We have a statue garden filled with golden statues, a zoo, a legendary dining room, a tavern, a church, several more statues in the main entrance, golden roads and walls in the main entryway,  a large collection of masterwork slabs, coffins, tables and chairs, thousands of masterwork meals and even more alcohol (including sunshine) of various types, and at least 50% of the fortress is engraved, you have no reason to be stressed enough to become oblivious,  tantruming or depressed.

Dear all the Urist McNogoblets.
We have over 100 of drinking things

Dear Urist McAnimaltrainers
Hurry up.

Dear Urist McMechanics

1. INSTALL THE CAGE TRAPS ALREADY
2. INSTALL AND HOOK UP THE LEVERS SO WE CAN KILL THE CAGED TROGLODYTES IN GLORIOUS ARENA COMBAT

Dear Urist McFarmers
Please build the new farms

Long-windedly,
Scourge the Overseer

[Fleeting Frames]

Dear all Urist Mcthirstys
Why are you drinking things outside near the corpses, if you drank inside in the dining room or the tavern you wouldn't have to deal with the vultures now would you?

Dear All of the Urist McStresseds
We have a statue garden filled with golden statues, a zoo, a legendary dining room, a tavern, a church, several more statues in the main entrance, golden roads and walls in the main entryway,  a large collection of masterwork slabs, coffins, tables and chairs, thousands of masterwork meals and even more alcohol (including sunshine) of various types, and at least 50% of the fortress is engraved, you have no reason to be stressed enough to become oblivious,  tantruming or depressed.

This is no mere correlation.

[Wedolko]

Dear Urist Mcnobody,
I swear to god if you dont take that candy crown off your damn head right now I'm going to lock you in a room until you die. I've Forbade it, I've tried telling you to dump it, my wont you listen?