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[Corona688]

I usually get that when there's some dumb animal ???ing at a door.

Sometimes, it's building destroyers doing the same thing.

[TheKaspa]

Mr. Ducim Prisondike IT,

It's not entirely certain that this message will reach you, we had to float it down the water pipe

[NESgamer190]

To the military of earthdwellings:

I only told you to go after the giant toad that caused the indirect death of one of the miners.  Not the cave crocodile as well!  Due to your drunken dopey actions, we lost an axeman to the water as well.

The remaining miners will be ordered to dig a way to drain this pool of water immediately.  I can safely say due to your incompetence, I've been moved enough to impose a drain project on a cavern lake.

I do plan to have the other subterranean lakes of water to be drained too.

Thy stressed overseer,

NESgamer190

[Dampe]

Dear Redbanners,
FUCK.
You're just going to take raw meat to your bedrooms and let it rot and then get pissed at me when the fort gets filled with miasma?
Is it that much work to just take it to the refuse stockpile, or, better yet, actually eat the prepared food we have?
This is simple, guys.
C'mon.

[synyster31]

Dear Marksdwarves squad,

I know it may be too much of a hassle to actually pick sone bolts up, but when i ask you to shoot a giant rat, handily trapped behind lava and fortifications please show at least a little interest.

shortly after

Dear Marksdwarves squad's ghosts,

When I removed the fortifications to make it even simpler for you to shoot the rat. I didn't mean you should try and jump 2 squares of magma to wrestle it. The 4 of you that failed the jump got off lightly. Let the 2 who starved to death on the magma-surrounded floor be a lesson to others!

The Overseer

[pisskop]

Dear Wolverine;

How did you get into my fort, past my wardog room and the open barracks, and all the way down to the magma foundry?  Thats almost 150 zlevels, all while fleeing!

Well I sent the military after you, and theyll hopefully have more success than those 2 dogs that are playing tag with you.

[MobRules]

Dear Urist McMacedwarf:

Your diligence in running off goblins is admirable, as would be your return to active duty so soon after giving birth if you didn't insist on taking the infant with you on patrols. However, I have to severely question the wisdom of chasing after a snatcher while carrying an infant -- by now, you've figured out why, since you caught up with the goblin snatcher, but didn't kill him.

I'm sure we'll see your sproggin again in a few years, leading a goblin attack against us.

Forever facepalming,

your overseer.

[Magnumcannon]

Dear Werecreatures

I appreciate your...touristic...interest in the fortress of Rainsilvers, but you might want to find another place for visiting. After the slaughter of 2 dwarves, 1 dog and 1 cat (His teeth and blood are scattered around everywhere) we are moving the barracks to the surface. Now you might want to think twice before coming here again!

Magnumcannon, overseer of Rainsilvers

[sculleywr]

I think I'm making headway on getting miners and woodcutters to wear armor, so hopefully, that risk can be reduced...

I didn't even know this could happen.
Had to scrap that fort immediately, not much to be accomplished without precious wood.

Anything that can't be solved by wood, can be solved by magma  (usually).

Beds of magma. Time for science

[sculleywr]

Dear Urist McHauler and company,

I appreciate the work you do for our fort, I really do. It was due to your hard work that the great bar crisis of 07 was averted, sorting thousands of bars that has gone unsorted due to lack of space and undermanning  the mining department. I have gone to great lengths to designate exactly which stockpiles ought to be used for taking goods to the trade depot.

With that in mind, please tell me why your men are crawling down to the deepest mines to grab tetrahedrite ore and haul it up to our balcony depot, foregoing all logic and common sense to haul a useless rock that I won't be selling next to my prize meals and crossbows.

Do be kind and take the ore to the ore stockpiles next to the furnaces where it belongs.

Sincerely,
Your baffled overlord with the power of atom smashing.

[Callista]

Dear Urist McPetOwner,

I don't know what possessed you to adopt a pig as a pet, though I must admit that your decision to come to this evil reanimating deathtrap of a fortress does call your judgment into question.

Now, this would normally be okay. We have a small patch of land where the dead do not rise, and a nice little pasture there to keep our livestock. Your pet pig has been assigned to said pasture.

So tell me, Urist, why you insist on letting your pet pig follow you into the fortress proper until it is starving from lack of grass to eat?

May I remind you: If your pet dies of starvation, it will not stay down. And you are very likely to be very close by when said pet turns into an undead abomination.

Armok help me, Urist, if you do not leave your pig in that pasture, I am going to forcibly repossess it and slaughter it, and we will all have bacon tonight. You hear me? BACON.

Your Overseer.

[pisskop]

Dear Overseer;

piggies dont eat grass.  The mighty boar is the perfect reserve of food, as they dont need to graze to survive.  Therefore, my piggy shouldnt die.

A. Dwarf

And P.S. this location happens to be the perfect spot to hide from the tax collectors.

[Callista]

Then why is it flashing "Hungry" arrows at me?

[pisskop]

http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/DF2014:Pig

[Magnumcannon]

Dear Flying Lungfish Empire

I appreciate your interest in our fortress, but as we all know, you've sent an army of undead to the fortress of Greencrafts and killed every single dwarf that lived there. Our lumberjack spotted one of your spies skulking around our fortress and we're fearful you might plot against us. But if you do, we will be prepared. The dwarven race will never perish! Death to the Lungfish Empire!

The fortress of Manysilvers and its overseer.