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[reality.auditor]

I look out upon that incomplete wall, its inner section more an inconsistent line of pillars than a wall, its outer section little more than a fine idea, and its partially completed gatehouse, I have but one regret, and that is not having the time to wreak terrible vengeance upon the lot of you myself before we are all murdered in our homes

Maybe masons having actually only mason job (not hauling or anything else) would be pretty good idea... just sayin.

[pisskop]

Do not underestimate the power of 7 novice masons and a workshop set to (Construct rock block   R).

Of course, turning off hauling always speeds things up tremendously.

[Sovair11]

Dear dwarfs of Death'ssword,

Please for the love of Armok when the alarm is rung, GET TO THE SAFEHOUSE I DESIGNATED AND NOT RUN OUTSIDE AND GET KILLED BY THE 5 SQUADS OF GOBLINS THAT WERE AMBUSHING US.


Being filled with arrows,

Your expedition leader.

[MrsStick]

I look out upon that incomplete wall, its inner section more an inconsistent line of pillars than a wall, its outer section little more than a fine idea, and its partially completed gatehouse, I have but one regret, and that is not having the time to wreak terrible vengeance upon the lot of you myself before we are all murdered in our homes

Maybe masons having actually only mason job (not hauling or anything else) would be pretty good idea... just sayin.

No, that hasn't worked in my fortresses, at least. I've been working on the ceiling for my outdoor pasture/farms for...several game years now. Granted, it's 3 levels above the pasture, and I did make walls up that high first, but someday I'll be done with them and I can engrave fortifications to use it as a bunker during sieges. Rain death from above!

At this point, I'll add a 10x10 block of floors to the area, forget it for several game sessions, and then check it and add a new section if I need to. Is there a way to make dwarves use wheelbarrows when carrying stone to where they're going to build a floor? I'm careful to use the closest rocks/rock blocks, but it still takes FOREVER.

[WoobMonkey]

 Is there a way to make dwarves use wheelbarrows when carrying stone to where they're going to build a floor? I'm careful to use the closest rocks/rock blocks, but it still takes FOREVER.

Sort of.  You could set up a couple stone stockpiles directly beside, or very near to, where you plan to construct your flooring.  If you aim for multiple small 'piles, as opposed to one large one, you can get many, many beards pushing wheelbarrows full of the rocks you need.  Another potential upside to this is being able to specify exactly which types of stone you want to have nearby, if you're all design-y like that.

[oldark]

I look out upon that incomplete wall, its inner section more an inconsistent line of pillars than a wall, its outer section little more than a fine idea, and its partially completed gatehouse, I have but one regret, and that is not having the time to wreak terrible vengeance upon the lot of you myself before we are all murdered in our homes

Maybe masons having actually only mason job (not hauling or anything else) would be pretty good idea... just sayin.

No, that hasn't worked in my fortresses, at least. I've been working on the ceiling for my outdoor pasture/farms for...several game years now. Granted, it's 3 levels above the pasture, and I did make walls up that high first, but someday I'll be done with them and I can engrave fortifications to use it as a bunker during sieges. Rain death from above!

At this point, I'll add a 10x10 block of floors to the area, forget it for several game sessions, and then check it and add a new section if I need to. Is there a way to make dwarves use wheelbarrows when carrying stone to where they're going to build a floor? I'm careful to use the closest rocks/rock blocks, but it still takes FOREVER.

Make sure all your constructions are blocks, no boulders.  Dwarves will carry a block almost as quickly as a wheelbarrow.

[MrsStick]

I look out upon that incomplete wall, its inner section more an inconsistent line of pillars than a wall, its outer section little more than a fine idea, and its partially completed gatehouse, I have but one regret, and that is not having the time to wreak terrible vengeance upon the lot of you myself before we are all murdered in our homes

Maybe masons having actually only mason job (not hauling or anything else) would be pretty good idea... just sayin.

No, that hasn't worked in my fortresses, at least. I've been working on the ceiling for my outdoor pasture/farms for...several game years now. Granted, it's 3 levels above the pasture, and I did make walls up that high first, but someday I'll be done with them and I can engrave fortifications to use it as a bunker during sieges. Rain death from above!

At this point, I'll add a 10x10 block of floors to the area, forget it for several game sessions, and then check it and add a new section if I need to. Is there a way to make dwarves use wheelbarrows when carrying stone to where they're going to build a floor? I'm careful to use the closest rocks/rock blocks, but it still takes FOREVER.

Make sure all your constructions are blocks, no boulders.  Dwarves will carry a block almost as quickly as a wheelbarrow.

Yeah, I figured that one out. The big problem is that my masons aren't exactly good at going to the workshops, which is somewhat understandable since I am making them build the ceiling. My game is currently at the point of "turn it on and wait, check every 5-15 minutes to make sure it's still running" until I finish some projects. I've played for over a year now, but I'm only now getting really into the forums and learning from you guys on the easier ways to do things...

[WoobMonkey]

Dear Urist McDwarfentrader:

     I appreciate your eagerness to bring the goods I requested to our humble fort.  It never fails to amaze me, how you go out of your way to supply us with the logs, cloth, and coal we so deperately need.

     However, may I offer the humble suggestion that next time you come, you allow the Human caravan the time to pack up and leave, before blocking off the entrance to our Depot?  Though I know you'll blame us for it, I'd like to remind you that your scuttled wagons, and the goods they left for us, is your own damned fault.

Sincerely, Baron WoobMonkey of WoodWalls.

[pisskop]

Dear Kea Men and mates;

  Go away.  Your arrival comes at a pivotal point in the construction of the surface to cavern access staircase.  Namely the part where I put on doors and install cage/weapon traps.  You know how you let troglodytes out to play while my limited dwarfpower was shooting you? Now Cave spiders a re inching towards the staircase.  And something killed the cave olm-men . . .  So less flying around, more letting me complete the depot housing the staircase to the second layer.

Yours truely

[Guvnah]

Dear Mimos Whaddevertheheckyourlastnameis, Tigerman Ambassador,

Why must you actually want water ? Booze is so much superior. Also if you expect to stay here you better get a beard going quick or you're going back on the next elven caravan.

[GuesssWho]

Dear artists:

I know you're very excited that a twilight horror wife managed to tame bobcats that one time. But after 300 figurines of it and half my artifacts including pictures of it, I could really use a break. And no, pictures of the same twilight horror wife wandering around somewhere do NOT count as a break.

What kind of a name is Sive Lacechains anyway?

[pisskop]

Dear Infantry SIC Tulin;

No.  No, you are not allowed to go melancholy after punching your wife to death.  No, you are not allowed to set off a tantrum spiral because you killed the mayor and she was friends with everybody.  No.  Bad.

If you don't got back to training I'll have you starve to death deprive you of booze lock you in a room hmmm.  Bad.  No slab in the slab garden for you.

[Tawa]

What kind of a name is Sive Lacechains anyway?

The name of a poorly-manufactured condom brand.

[GuesssWho]

What kind of a name is Sive Lacechains anyway?

The name of a poorly-manufactured condom brand.

*Facepalms*

Well, I have two artifact figurines of her, and she's on all the others somewhere.

[Solon64]

Dear All Urist McCommoners,

We all know how amusing it is to watch nobles suffer, and when the queen moved into the fortress and turned out to be a vampire, well it was as if Armok had sent us a reward for the many lives we had sent His way. Of course, we did lose the lives of a few dwarves, but I think you will agree it was worth it to indict the queen of the realm on four counts of murder and sentence her to 400 days of confinement and 100 hammer strikes. Well, her confinement is finally at an end, and she has received her hammer strikes, and I know you were all watching as intently as I was to hear the report of every single major injury she suffered.

As you know, we are not soft on crime in this fortress, and we take any infraction very seriously. That is why our hammerer carries a masterwork steel warhammer for just these sorts of events. Now I was quite certain that there was no dwarf alive who could survive 100 strikes from such a heavy instrument, but I was proved wrong. While it does not appear that there are any bones remaining in the queen's body that are not broken, so that she is now in a state which I believe the medical community refers to as a "blob," she is still technically alive, even if she is totally unable to move in any significant way.

Now I know you have all quite enjoyed seeing this, which is why you have frequently gone into the jail to take food from her barrel in sit in her chair eating it while pointing at her and laughing, and for obvious reasons it has not occurred to any of you that it may be a good idea to take her to the hospital, despite every single one of you having the recover wounded labor enabled and many of you having no other jobs. Indeed, quite a few of you seem content to sit totally idle while standing right next to the queen and do nothing to help her. I can certainly understand why you would want to act that way, however, I have a greater vision.

You may notice the glass doors and windows I have had installed on the outside of her royal quarters. These do serve a purpose which I will illustrate. Let us turn her over to the ministrations of our inept, and largely self-taught medical staff. There she may be covered head to toe in plaster, placed in traction for months, have one or two extremities surgically removed, be victim of all manner of infections, and when she is finally released, be something that less resembles a dwarf than a monstrous freak of nature wishing for death every moment but unable to die due to her unholy nature.

Then, I shall confine her to her royal suite, where she shall remain, in relative comfort, for the remainder of her natural life, to be gawked at and mocked by all dwarves who pass by. I have also dug a pit in the ceiling of these quarters, so that we may toss in the occasional wild animal or captured goblin, and observe with great enjoyment as the two battle each other. I hope you can see that as amusing as the current situation is, this new plan would offer a whole new level to the entertainment we could draw from this most noble of all nobles.

However, none of this can happen if she does not make it to the hospital. So perhaps, one of you, if it isn't too much trouble, can do your fucking job and drag her up there so that the healing process can begin.

R/OS

It says so much about the level of insanity and depravity that Dwarf Fortress can bring to a player, that posts like this do not phase me in the slightest.  Heck, this isn't even the worst I've seen from some DF players, and yet to any non DF player, this is like the most horrifying thing you could ever think about doing to anything, like, the word appalling doesn't even come close.  And here I just shrug and read on.

+so many respect points, dear friend.