Dear Countess Urist McNobleDwarf,
We've been together a long time. You've been with us since the beginning. You were our first expedition leader, our first broker, our first manager, our first bookkeeper. You have shown tremendous leadership in getting our fortress to where it is today. You have supervised the growth of our fortress from a tiny expedition into a bustling metropolis. I have always had great respect for you, and when I recommended you for elevation to the nobility, I was quite certain you would prove an excellent ruler. However, I think it's time you and I had a talk.
I understand that life as noble is sometimes difficult. I know my haulers have been a little busy lately and some of the additions to your private quarters took longer than expected. Yes, we were a little late in installing the second solid gold weapon rack in your office, and the black bronze chest did take far too long to get there. Yes, when I had the lowly stone doors to your throne room replaced with sterling silver, it did mean you went a few days without a proper door. And I do realize it was very inconsiderate of me to make you use an alternate dining room with a lowly green glass dining table while I replaced your stone dining table with one made of billon. And I am very sorry if the rose gold cabinet in your quarters, or the artifact silver cabinet in your throne room have proven unsatisfactory to you. I am truly mortified if the legendary Urist McEngraver's works adorning your entire quarters and surrounding passageways do not meet with your approval. And I am sorry if the burial plot I provided, in a giant room with its own pond and statuary, and the artifact bone coffin, seem rather mediocre to you.
It is obviously for this reason that you have grown rather jealous of some of the lesser dwarves around you, some of whom have had the temerity to take a few minutes break from licking your boots and throwing themselves in front of you to be trod on as you walk by them in order to dine on something other than dried grass. And I realize it is upsetting to you that I have not made all the other dwarves sleep in mud in one large room that also doubles as a toilet, and have given them each individual 2x3 rooms with beds and stone doors in them, and this seems far too extravagant. And yes, I did have a few extra billon dining tables which I put in the common eating area, along with a few statues, which clearly upset you, as you have informed me. And also I understand your concern that I may have made the large common crypts for burial of commoners a little too elaborate, I had to give Urist McEngraver somewhere to practice before he adorned your quarters, and so I can understand how while inspecting these tombs, you may have been "utterly traumatized by a lesser's pretentious burial arrangements." It can be stressful, but please try to understand. While I cannot give all my dwarves the same elaborate lifestyle as yours, I do try to keep them reasonably comfortable, as I do not enjoy murderous rampages.
Speaking of murderous rampages, this is where you and I really must have a frank discussion. I understand that the stresses of leadership can sometimes get to you, and as a nobledwarf, you do have a great deal of power and flexibility in how you choose to relieve that stress. However, even your power must have limits. And while we have all felt the urge to grab a nearby axe and behead a passing plebian, most of us find other ways to express it. I fear however, that your recent evisceration of the legendary Urist McCook, and several other nearby dwarves has taken things a step too far. It is for this reason that with great sadness and a heavy heart that I must unfortunately announce that it is time for us to part company. When you see the militia and the fortress guard arrive to help you with your problems, please do not be afraid, they merely intend to escort you to the walls of our fortress and send you on your way, and certainly not to kill you before you can harm anyone else.
Your friend,
The Overseer
P.S. As an aside to Urist McMayor, I understand that you have a sexual fetish for battle axes, and while I love battle axes too, and yes they are quite awesome, you do not need to mandate my producing another one every five minutes. We have plenty already.
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Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves (Read 1555243 times)