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[Yerv]

Dear Urist McStupidMason
I gave you one job, make a stone door, there were tons of rocks left from the carving, and you decided to go down, deep into the mining area of all places and pull out a stone, to you it's pristine, but to me it's just another rock, stop complaining about the pain in your back, you walked up the fifty flights of stairs with that huge rock, not me.
-Yerv, Overseer.

[Akura]

Dear wolf I bought from the elves,

Good job with that snatcher. No really, who's a good boy? You are! Yes you are!

Sincerely,
Overseer.

I like to think of wolves as 'proto-dogs'

Sadly, the wolf was killed in a goblin ambush. Then the elves sold me a dingo. Strangely enough, most of my deaths have been babies so far.

[flame99]

The goblins have started to minimize collateral damage when running their child protection service, that's all.

[gabrek]

Dear Urist McLegendaryCarpenter:

While I appreciate the dozens of beds you've made, and that spectacular floodgate which I will most certainly use just as soon as I find a flood I wish gated off, I would appreciate that stack of orders for a dozen wheelbarrows to be processed.
Everyone needs breaks. I know. But when you are on break for so long that you must immediately eat, drink, and sleep afterwards, and then are so exhausted by feeding yourself that you go on break again, it may be a bit excessive.
Your fellow dorfs have started to complain, as you just happen to be lounging around in the dining hall by which they are having to carry, by hand, thousands of units of rough stone for dumping.
I saw an engraving in a stall in the men's room, masterfully done of a XXwooden wheelbarrowXX built by Urist McTired. In it is the mutilated body of Urist McLegendaryCarpenter. The dwarves are dumping the body into the garbage chute.

Do yourself a favor man and just make the damn wheelbarrows. It'll take you all of an hour.
Concerned,
-Urist McSecretary

[WanderingKid]

Dear Vampire King,

You like flasks, so I liked you.  You've got some amazing apartment going.  I didn't mind when you ate the haulers.

You just ate a swordlord.

My good noble... it is time you were done with this mortal coil.  You ARE the weakest link.  Goodbye.

-Overfiend.

[Rainbow_Lizard]

Dear Urist McBloodsucker
I'll be honest I didn;t suspect you were a vampire until a dwarf was found deprived of blood in his quarters. I know you need to feed on people and you know this is illegal, but if you're going to assign yourself a fake name, don't make it 'Kordam Kordamthel'. That's along the lines of Stan Stanmanson or John Johnson. Please be better at hiding next time.
-Your loving overseer

[Yerv]

Dear Urist McComafake.
Stop acting like your in a coma, we destroyed your beds, you went from one bed to another, and now you just lay on the ground. At least move out of the baroness role and stop throwing coma tantrums.

[WanderingKid]

Dear Urist McComafake.
Stop acting like your in a coma, we destroyed your beds, you went from one bed to another, and now you just lay on the ground. At least move out of the baroness role and stop throwing coma tantrums.

You recently fight a FB?  Sounds like a syndrome.

[Yerv]

Dear Urist McComafake.
Stop acting like your in a coma, we destroyed your beds, you went from one bed to another, and now you just lay on the ground. At least move out of the baroness role and stop throwing coma tantrums.

You recently fight a FB?  Sounds like a syndrome.

No, he just went into my hospital, laid down and stayed there, I destroyed the hospital trying to get him out of his fake coma. He has only a single injury on his left hand, a small cut from a goblin swordsman.

[dresdor]

Dear Urist McNoBarrel,

I understand we have lots of food, and that our food stockpile is full.  However, over half of it is full of single units of fish.  You know what else is full?  The fields....they are full of withering plants.  You know what else is full?  The Carpenter's shop....its full of beautiful barrels.  Pick up the damned barrel, throw all the fish in it, then pick up another barrel and get the plants before they whither.  THAT"S IT, GOBLIN CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED!

Sincerely
The guy trying to keep you fed and clothed.

[Grim Portent]

To The Arenas Of Respecting

Now you know I have a great deal of respect for you. You soldiers have served well and defeated several ambushes. You wield weapons and wear armour taken from goblins you killed with your bare hands. So why is it that a single tied up goblin thief badly wounded six of you? Seriously lads you've wrestled cave ogres! One of you even bit one! How can a single goblin with a butterknife hurt you! It got one of your noses!

Respectfully
Your supreme overlord

[Imp]

Dear Loving Overseer,

Had no real expectation of fooling you, Boss.  Heard you can read minds, see through walls, all kinds of otherstuff and that's just easy for you; if you work at it heard you can do darn near anything.

So I had no intention of even coming within 43 Urists of the fortress you claimed.  It just happened.  I swear, day after day I thought to myself, right, I'm never going there, never.

Then suddenly your fortress is what I can see ahead, along with a good number of other dwarves around me, none of whom I'd ever laid eyes on before.  Did I travel with them?  Seems I can't remember anything about the trip or any dangers we may have passed.  That's some mighty and mighty strange power you got there, Boss, just glad you decided not to let those dangers see us, like you didn't let us see them.  Seeing as how I never intended to come here, must be your will that brought me in with the rest, no?  Well, think about it some, and if you find out who it was if it wasn't you, well know that they're my enemy too, even more than yours maybe.  After all, I don't want to be here any more than you want me here, but here I am regardless.

So here's the thing.  Seems it's only sleeping folks who tempt me; I find I can go years without ever even looking twice as one of my fellows - so long as they are able to look twice at me.  If you want, grant me a burrow that doesn't include any sleeping quarters, maybe not the hospital either.  Heck, give me full run of the rest of the fortress, and so long as everyone sticks to the places they should sleep you'll find me one of your loyalest workers; I won't even go on break.  Would be good for you and me both though if you used some of that power to occasionally knock out a chicken or something, and give me a bit of a break to keep me limber and fast, if you know what I mean.

Oh, and about the name you asked about... You know you'd find me.  I knew you'd find me.  And I can't even seem to get out of sight of the area you control, so.  Just consider that another sign of respect, Boss.  I hoped to keep this on a loving and friendly level after all, and I knew your eyes would be on me, sooner or later.  Just another way of showing you respect.

Urist McBloodsucker, or any other name you want to call me.
Seems like long as you're calling me names, I'm still alive.
And that suits me just fine, Boss.

[WanderingKid]

Imp: Very nice.

[WillowLuman]

Holy shit

[Baffler]

Take a bow, sir/madam.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Minkot Strappedtour, Herbalist

I believe congratulations are in order.

When you arrived as a Master Herbalist I admit I didn't have very high expectations for you, hence your assignment to the hauling teams. But you have shattered all my doubts about you. When the fortress succumbed to madness and the security system sealed off the kitchens, and thereby the food storage (I accept full responsibility for this, by the way) your skills were the only thing that kept the fort alive. As your former comrades went mad and threw themselves to their deaths at the hand of the fortress militia or into our once glorious fountains, you soldiered on gathering herbs from the surface, braving the local fauna and the blazing sun. And when the dust finally settled and all the bodies were buried you were one of only four remaining dwarves, and the only surviving civilian.

In light of your distinguished service to the fortress of Torchdagger and The Bearded Axe it is with great pride that I bestow upon you the title of "Honored." You will receive the old Baron's Chambers and your own personal supply of your favorite fisher berry wine for life. In addition, you are hereby relieved of all duties and are free to pursue your hobby of herbalism at will.

Yours,
The Administration