Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[AutomataKittay]

To Whom It May Concern,

When I set a stockpile to only accept metal thread and cloth - by which I mean only adamantine thread and cloth, since that is the only metal that is inexplicably and exclusively available in a thread form (which, for the record, is one of the dumbest game design decisions in the history of mankind) - I mean "don't put anything but metal items in that stockpile".  Conversely, when I set a stockpile to only accept anything but metal thread and cloth, I mean "don't put my fucking adamantine in that stockpile".

While the concept of "don't put shit where it doesn't belong" may be foreign to you dwarves, it is nonetheless annoying when my hospital staff bogarts the best and rarest weapons-grade material in the game to sew up wounds.  Furthermore, if this game had any semblance of realism, doing so would result in blood toxicity and likely kill any dwarf stitched up in such a fashion.

Therefore, I implore you, merry band of shit-for-brains midgets, to stop acting like idiots. 

Yours truly,
A very irate overseer

P.S.  The countess has killed one person and crippled two in a tantrum.  Please tell the hammerer to get off his ass and execute the dumb bitch before she throws another one.

http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=5739

Unfortunate old bug for the metal threads, might have to lock the door to the adamanite

[Splint]

Dear Urist McStuckypants.

MOVE, dammit. you're supposed to be installing a colony in a hive. you're hungry. I've removed all your labors. YOU ARE GOING TO STARVE, YOU COLLOSSAL DUMBASS. You have some skill in woodcrafting. I don't want to lose your stupid ass. you constitute 10% of the fort's current strength. you are our animal trainer.

MOVE YOUR DAMN ASS. there's no reason for you to be standing around while you're perfectly health and in the middle of a labor, god dammit >.<

do I have to figure out dfhack to get you to move?

sincerely, your pissed off Overseer.

Nah, just build colonies one at a time to prevent this sort of thing, otherwise you have to remove the colonies that are unoccupied until the offending job producer is taken down thus rendering the job null.

[Larix]

Dear Urist McStuckypants.

MOVE, dammit. you're supposed to be installing a colony in a hive. you're hungry. I've removed all your labors. YOU ARE GOING TO STARVE, YOU COLLOSSAL DUMBASS.

Not going to do this IC:
The beekeeper will not starve/dehydrate, they'll break off the attempt when they're hungry/thirsty/tired enough.

Fixing it requires fiddling with the _hive_, i.e. the building - a misdirected hive has a constant, never-clearing job 'get colony from coordinate xyz', which will have priority among all beekeeping jobs. Fortunately, the job can be cleared by the overseer, by setting the hive's 'colony install' option off. If you then let the game run a few steps you can safely re-enable the installation option and the hive will create a new 'install colony in hive' job from scratch, i.e. this time it will actually look for an extant colony.

How-to:
1. open 'j'ob list, scroll down to 'install colony in hive' (it's generally a good way down the list)
2. select the 'install colony...' job which is listed as being carried out by the stuck beekeeper
3. zoom to the 'b'uilding. This is the location where the colony is supposed to be installed, i.e. the hive issuing the faulty job.
NB: Other interactions are either unhelpful (zoom to creature just sends you to the stuck beekeeper) or useless to counterproductive ('r'emove just temporarily frees the beekeeper without fixing the underlying problem, as soon as anyone tries to beekeep again, this is the first job they'll get sent on)
4. set 'c'olony option of the hive off. It may 'take' while paused, i generally let the game run a few steps just to be safe.
5. set 'c'olony option back on.

I've successfully un-stucked dozens of beekeepers this way. It typically only happens while building up the beekeeping industry, because i'm too impatient to always build a single hive, wait for it to be stocked, build the next etc., i just install four to six at once and toggle the messed-up hives afterwards to free stuck beekeepers. It'd still be better if the bugginess got fixed.

PS:

[problems with adamantine thread stored in 'no metal' stockpiles and non-metal thread/cloth in 'only metal thread' stockpiles]

Unfortunate old bug for the metal threads, might have to lock the door to the adamanite

While this doesn't completely prevent the possibility of suturers grabbing strands and using them to turn Urist McBrokenToe into the million-dwarfbuck cheesemaker, you can keep strands off your pigtail cloth stockpiles:

Link a stockpile which doesn't accept cloth/thread (i prefer coin stockpiles, but any non-cloth stockpile works for the purpose) to 'take' from the strand extraction workshop. This way, the workshop's output cannot be sent to _any_ stockpile but this one (it's still accessible to your smelter and dyer's shop) and consequently all processed strands stay in the workshop. Since adamantine strands weigh next to nothing, clutter isn't a problem, you just need to put the workshop close enough to your smelter, because the smelter has to draw the stuff directly from the workshop.

[WillowLuman]

Dear Ms. Werelizarddwarf

Why are you getting so upset about not having clothes? Look, they're right on the floor of your room. Just pick them up when you're done being a berserk monster and I'll let you out of your room.

[Dirac]

Dear Urist McFuckwit,

When you're spooked by an enemy outside the fortress, run inside the fortress.  It's really quite simple: don't be an idiot and you won't die. What a concept!

Sincerely,
A very irate Overseer

[Akura]

Dear wolf I bought from the elves,

Good job with that snatcher. No really, who's a good boy? You are! Yes you are!

Sincerely,
Overseer.

[gabrek]

Mrs. Urist McFarmhand,
I understand that you felt some small stress being assigned to "Militia Squad 7" and being told you would have to wear mail shirts and leggings indefinitely. Everyone was assigned to these Militia squads, to ensure everyone had nice clothing that wouldn't wear out within a couple of years, and would have something productive to do with their considerable downtime.
You repeatedly came to me with complaints of nudity and worn out clothing, seemingly because every time you went to do anything aside from observing wrestling demonstrations, you would strip to your birthday suit in the middle of the grand hall before wandering, necked, down our long corridors to your room and putting back on your mangled clothing.
The decision to order you to wear your armor as replacements for your civilian clothes was not one I made lightly, and it is unfortunate that someone snagged your mail shirt when you took it off, again, to comply with the order to put on your mail shirt no matter what.
However, your response of throwing a tantrum in the animal training area in front of two score war dogs was a bit rash, and I believe, in this case, were hindsight possible, you may not have done this in front of your husband (who was training one of the dogs in question) and three small children. Ironically, if you had been wearing your assigned mail shirt, I believe the bite which tore off your left arm may have been mitigated. Sadly, this was after you used that hand to punch your 4 year old son in the face, killing him instantly.

Mr. Urist McFarmhand,
Your wife's recent, bizarre actions would push anyone a bit towards the edge. This administration understands that. However, punching your 2 year old daughter in the face, shattering the skull, jamming her skull through her brain, and tearing her brain is not a socially acceptable action.

Dear Orphan McFarmhand,
You have my deepest apologies for the recent tragic loss of your brother and sister. I know you think your parents were involved somehow, but it was actually the warhounds. Your intoxication at the time must have confused you.
Incidentally, you may have noticed you are being addressed as "Orphan" McFarmhand. Unfortunately, the bridge lever to the Volcanic Remover of Ordinance/Materiel (V.R.O.O.M.) was pulled while the members of "Airborne Squad 1" were patrolling its surface. Your parents were the founding and only members of this squad, and their valiant sacrifice will undoubtedly be engraved on our halls for years to come.
Warmest Regards,
-Urist McSecretary

[WanderingKid]

Dear MineCart Pushers Union,

I realize you are upset with the necessary amount of impulse elevator testing I'm going through.  I know you feel that this is a job unworthy of you.

However, if you continue to assign the dwarf the furthest away from the carts consistently to be the one to push it, making them walk 200+ squares from the magma forges every time the cart's ready, I will be forced to burrow one of your butts next to the minecart.  There is nothing in that area except for a water channel of anti-rocking horse, some rocks used for drop chute testing, and the minecart.  You WILL be bored.  I will NOT give you a bed, food, or booze.  Then I will bury your starved butt in a wood coffin above the aquifer.

And if I can figure out which one of you dastardly bearded bastards is eating all my dorfs in the middle of the night, leaving nothing but dried out husks behind, it'll be you I burrow there.  No, I'm not willing to look through 150 dwarves to figure it out.  You'll get caught eventually... maybe.

-Overfiend.

[gabrek]

To the leadership of Dancerags:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I am undecided about visiting your fine... ...
See, this is part of the problem with your location. I don't even know what it is. A city? A fortress? A hole in the ground, a brothel? What?
I admittedly want to find out what, exactly, was founded by the Fleshy Sack of the Fortunate Staff. Could be a friggin' sperm bank, I don't know.
Was your group named by someone in a fey mood, gone just a whee bit past the point where he could no longer wait for those rough crystal glass chunks? Was your leader masturbating furiously at the time and just said the first thing that came to mind? Was this some attempt at humor gone horribly dirty?
Am i just eating too many plump helmets and my minds finally snapped?
I just took down a camp of 25 goblins with my teeth. But I am quite literally a little afraid to visit your compound.

/sigh

I need a vacation.
-gabrek legendboulders the smoothness of lulling

PS: I've.. considered my own nomenclature. I'm gonna visit.
Weirdest frickin' world gen ever..

[WillowLuman]

Dear wolf I bought from the elves,

Good job with that snatcher. No really, who's a good boy? You are! Yes you are!

Sincerely,
Overseer.

I like to think of wolves as 'proto-dogs'

[KingBacon]

Dear Forgotton Beasts of Livinggears,

Why do you all have to have wings and why do the ones of you made of vomit survive magma?

Sincerely,

Overseer

[Splint]

Dear Forgotton Beasts of Livinggears,

Why do you all have to have wings and why do the ones of you made of vomit survive magma?

Sincerely,

Overseer

-The following appears to be written in some eldritch language that costs you four bookkeepers before one can translate it before the brown note effect on his mind happens-

Simple, because we already defy the laws of nature/your natural order of things.

And because the gods hate your guts. While we find them tasty.
Signed,
Forgotten Beasts of Livinggears

[ElenaRoan]

Dear Urist McMother,

While I have nothing against progressive parenting and bringing your baby to work with you, are you sure that leaving your baby in the slice and dice room where a dozen or so warlocks have just been executed is particularly wise?

- bemused overseer

[WanderingKid]

Dear Momuz "Smithie" Eribcilob,

I realize you're put off by authority and tradition.  I also realize you're not excited about having made a few hundred copper buckets to become skilled in your trade of blacksmithing.  However, that does not excuse EVERY masterwork statue you forge being the killing of a dwarf.

We have slain forgotten beasts.  We have beat off four sieges.  Our vampire king of dwarves is here and we have become the mountainhome.  Pick another topic you disturbed little dorf or I'm going to magma wash you.

-Overfiend

P.S.  Stop crying over the melting of your masterworks.  I don't care how pretty they are.  If a dwarf is dying in them, they're scrap metal.

[Splint]

You must be an elf or something if you don't find statues depicting what happens to dwarves who fuck up entertaining to see decorating the fortress.

"Remember the statues little Urist? That's what happens when you don't pay attention to what the overseer says. or if you join the army and forget to wear your boots. Y'know, whichever."