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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1555429 times)

Pakkanen

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5040 on: July 01, 2013, 06:30:09 am »

Civilians,
stop running from the crippled, incapacitated, loosely armed goblin.
Regards.
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xana55

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5041 on: July 01, 2013, 10:15:03 am »

To the medical staff

I appreciate your dedication and understand your excitement at my having finally built a hospital after almost 5 years without one. That being said, really it might have been kinder to just let those poor bastards form the military die. Really I don't know what you expected to accomplish working on those 4 dwarfs with advanced rot on every single part of there bodies including there bones. Also in future clean up your victims of science when your done.

From the overseer
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Urist The Foolish: Beheaded by a swarm of cats 379 BC.

Urist MacNoob

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5042 on: July 01, 2013, 02:24:59 pm »

To the medical staff

I appreciate your dedication and understand your excitement at my having finally built a hospital after almost 5 years without one. That being said, really it might have been kinder to just let those poor bastards form the military die. Really I don't know what you expected to accomplish working on those 4 dwarfs with advanced rot on every single part of there bodies including there bones. Also in future clean up your victims of science when your done.

From the overseer

A day or two ago I'd have been too horrified to ask you what happened.

Now I'm just curious. My sanity meter is drained. This isn't to say that I'm unhappy, I'm just constantly in a fell mood now.

But I digress, what happened and how can I weaponize it?
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Coldmonkey: "The idea that having flaming tools and introducing them to the intimate workings of someone you don't get along with is much too human for these forums. I mean, it's not really that hard, is it? Anyone can wield a torch, it doesn't prove anything. Wearing flaming clothes on the other hand, or better yet, wearing nothing at all and being on fire... that is the essence of dwarfish behavior."

KingBacon

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5043 on: July 01, 2013, 05:35:11 pm »

Dear Urist McMiner,

I don't know how you did it, but you managed to channel the designated area without killing yourself. Your actions also resulted in a cat tumbling to its death.

Thank you for being proactive in relation to the pet population.

Sincerely,
Your Obsessive Overseer
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wierd

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5044 on: July 01, 2013, 05:49:27 pm »

Dear GroupQ_Gen0_Unit1 and *_Unit2,

I realize that the two of you have astoundingly high degrees of rebelliousness, and neuroses, (78, and 100 respectively), but could you please stop producing children who have MULTIPLE negative inherited attributes, just because this overseer has decided that strict dwarven eugenics are in effect?

I don't want to murder your children by dropping them into the horrible zombie infested pit anymore than you want me to, (because then I have to go through the added expenses of making a memorial slab for said unviable offspring, and that gets expensive.) So could you please stop thinking that having horribly sickly and malignantly deformed babies out of spite is a proper form of addressing grievances? I assure you that I am not being judgemental, but so far your group is the only one to have consistently produced nothing but culls. I don't know if it is fetal alcohol syndrome or what, but I don't find murdering your deformed babies all that entertaining (well, the first few times maybe..) and doing this just to spite me only forces me to kill more babies, and will in no capacity deter me from my mission.  Whatever it is you are doing, cut it out, OK? If you produce a baby that isn't an asthmatic with hydrocephaly and muscular dystrophy, I promise not to summarily feed it to the growing number of zombie children in the zombie pit, OK?

--Your benevolent Overseer

« Last Edit: July 01, 2013, 05:53:34 pm by wierd »
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xana55

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5045 on: July 01, 2013, 06:32:26 pm »

To the medical staff

I appreciate your dedication and understand your excitement at my having finally built a hospital after almost 5 years without one. That being said, really it might have been kinder to just let those poor bastards form the military die. Really I don't know what you expected to accomplish working on those 4 dwarfs with advanced rot on every single part of there bodies including there bones. Also in future clean up your victims of science when your done.

From the overseer

A day or two ago I'd have been too horrified to ask you what happened.

Now I'm just curious. My sanity meter is drained. This isn't to say that I'm unhappy, I'm just constantly in a fell mood now.

But I digress, what happened and how can I weaponize it?

Really pissed off forgotten beast, as to how you weaponize it. Stun, cage, release on enemies so it's toxic powder gives them all skin, muscle, tissue, bone, organ, and nervous system rot.

There are actually 3 people still alive who got afflicted with it and recovered along with a ton of dogs and cats. Even the Miasma stopped after about a season.
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Urist The Foolish: Beheaded by a swarm of cats 379 BC.

wierd

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5046 on: July 01, 2013, 06:53:38 pm »

If it's a powder, then having it leave deadly dandruff on crossbow bolts, using a "peepshow booth". Basically, as below, except use an adorable kitten as a sacrifice, and put an ammo stockpile around the peep booth, with bins forbidden.

Otherwise, just use the booth.


Essentially, it looks like this:

OBBBO
BO÷OB
B÷+÷B
BO÷OB
OBBBO

O== a wall pillar
B== raising bridge
÷== fortification slit
+== floor tile

Link all 4 bridges to a lever. Use a webbed cagetrap (unless web immune) to catch the FB, then build the cage at the floor tile, then connect it to a lever. Build the peepshow booth around the cage. Link the bridges to the "peepshow, 0 urists. Warning, can and will cause PTSD" lever.

Pull the cage lever. This releases the FB in its new home. Pull the peepshow lever. This closes up the peepshow shutters.

When the greenskins show up, let them have a taste of the peepshow. The FB will blow out the dust attack, which will easily pass through the fortification slits, and gas the surrounding area. It will continue to do so as long as it sees the greenskins. Close the shutters after the goblins' skin rots off, and they all go blind.

Profit.

« Last Edit: July 01, 2013, 07:05:55 pm by wierd »
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Sprin

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5047 on: July 01, 2013, 07:48:11 pm »

Dear Urist-
Your an ass.
<3 Overseer
Edit: Stupid autocorect...
« Last Edit: July 03, 2013, 09:23:46 am by Sprin »
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Quote from: Karnewarrior
HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS LOOKING UP RULE 34 OF D*CKS?
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Urist MacNoob

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5048 on: July 02, 2013, 10:48:01 pm »

Oh, boy. That sounds just spiffy. When I encounter my first FB, I'll consider finding a way to make him into a weapon against goblins, kobolds and nobles.

That or I'll just crush it with traps or a cavein and feast on it's corpse.
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Coldmonkey: "The idea that having flaming tools and introducing them to the intimate workings of someone you don't get along with is much too human for these forums. I mean, it's not really that hard, is it? Anyone can wield a torch, it doesn't prove anything. Wearing flaming clothes on the other hand, or better yet, wearing nothing at all and being on fire... that is the essence of dwarfish behavior."

xana55

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5049 on: July 02, 2013, 10:51:30 pm »

Dear Urist McCraftsdwarf

Look I get it, strange mood and all that new age elf music but leave the armok damned adamantine alone or I will end you. Your lucky that raw adamantine statue was so badass and I hated that liaison who's getting his ass kicked in the image on the leather decoration or I'd have you dumped in the pit with the nerve rot dust.

From the overseer
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Urist The Foolish: Beheaded by a swarm of cats 379 BC.

flame99

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5050 on: July 03, 2013, 01:33:14 am »

Dear Urist McMiner,
Why, oh why must you go off of your break, travel down the massive, endless staircase going from the surface to the SMR, mine one piece of stone, then go on break again?
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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5051 on: July 03, 2013, 01:39:54 am »

Dear Urist McMiner,
Why, oh why must you go off of your break, travel down the massive, endless staircase going from the surface to the SMR, mine one piece of stone, then go on break again?

Because, Mr. Overseer, those 10 bored haulers won't drag any drink or food down here for me, and that staircase is sooooooooo long.  I'm tired!  Hey, while you're at it, can I get a bed, too?

Sprin

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5052 on: July 03, 2013, 09:25:50 am »

Dear Urist McMiner,
Why, oh why must you go off of your break, travel down the massive, endless staircase going from the surface to the SMR, mine one piece of stone, then go on break again?

Because, Mr. Overseer, those 10 bored haulers won't drag any drink or food down here for me, and that staircase is sooooooooo long.  I'm tired!  Hey, while you're at it, can I get a bed, too?
No get back to work dum ass!!!
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Quote from: Karnewarrior
HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS LOOKING UP RULE 34 OF D*CKS?
Sprin is certifiably insane, but there is no denying his brilliance.

Sutremaine

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5053 on: July 03, 2013, 02:15:52 pm »

Hey, while you're at it, can I get a bed, too?
No, but I've got a burrow with your name on it.
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Honestly at the time, I didn't see what could go wrong with crowding 80 military Dwarves into a small room with a necromancer for the purpose of making bacon.

WanderingKid

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5054 on: July 03, 2013, 02:28:31 pm »

Hey, while you're at it, can I get a bed, too?
No, but I've got a burrow with your name on it.

Hah, Mr. Overseer!  I've got you beat!  You know you can't burrow a miner, he won't dig where he's not burrowed!  Power to da Peoples!  errr... *burp*... Dwarves!
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