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[Splint]

Reminds me of my pony fort. Leather stockings and thongs EVERYWHERE. it was horrifying really.

[Callista]

Maybe they're just biker dorfs?

[TheZoomZoll]

Reminds me of my pony dwarf fort. Leather stockings and thongs EVERYWHERE. it was horrifying really.

That sounds like the type of place I would spend my time when bored.

[Scootagoose]

Dear Scootagoose,

It too us a while to make the pack critters ramp us up there. Was it as awesome as we hoped it''d be?

Signed,

Urist McWagonDriver

Dear Urist McWagonDriver,

It would have been awesome if you weren't brutally murdered by the unhappy humans, but we decided to send more people from the mountain homes and it was over taken. Your death was sort of in vain.

Your content overseer,
Scootagoose.

[thefish1992]

Dear Human Traders,

Was it the smell?
Did the military scare you? the traps?
 because as soon as we were done trading you packed up and took off like a bloody rocket out of my fortress,
Why did you hit the NOS on the way out? I need to know so i can make sure it happens when the elves get here.

With concern,
Thefish1992.

Dear Elven Diplomat

I recived your complaint about are "horrible" wood-cutting industry and it has left me with a couple of questions,
One, did you notice that we do NOT have a wood-cutting industry? that we live on a volcano with almost no trees with in site? why the hell do you think I have been buying your wood?
Two, the thing closest to a tree that i had recently cut down was a nether cap, and i personally consider these more mushroom than tree,
and while you are close to tree, dwarfs are close to mushrooms, and i will answer and further Demands towards a mushroom industry with magma

Love
Thefish1992

[Sidhien]

Dear Urist McFarmer,

I know we don't have sweet pod seeds. Shut up.

Love,
Sidhien

PS - And if getting "possessed by unknown forces" and using the ONLY STEEL BAR WE HAD to make a useless crown was somehow a response to this missive, know that it was neither understood nor appreciated.

[AfellowDwarf]

Dear Urist Mcking,

I regret to inform you that our expedition was not a success. In hindsight, forcing our workers to kill camels with their bare hands was not a good emergency food plan. I assure you that our next expedition will not make the same mistake.

Yours sincerely,
Urist McWasteOfLives.


Dear Urist McBrokerswife,

I regret to inform you that your husband, Urist McBroker, has died at the hands of camels while daringly trying to reclaim our latest fort. I realize that sending unarmed dwarves into a camel invested fort could be considered stupid, insane and cruel but this is war.

On a side note, you are hereby drafted into our new expedition. We do not intent for you to die in some hazard once the camels are dead. Bring an axe.

Yours sincerely,
Urist McWasteOfLives.

[itisnotlogical]

Skuzgob McGoblinLasher:

Request for new cage denied.

Urist McLastDwarfLeftAliveAfterGoblinAmbush

[xana55]

Dear, Urist Mcmarksdwarf

I must say your... dedication... has actually impressed me. After being dragged down into the underground sea not only did you manage to shoot the pond grabber 3 times in it's rough equivalent of a face but you managed to rip of it's claw and slice off two of its tentacle with a crossbow. Admirable as this dedication is it would help if you hadn't chosen to pursue the enemy rather then climbing onto the shore and not drowning. I hope that in the afterlife you will heed this advice or take swimming lessons.

If it ever becomes possible we will retrieve your rotten soaked carcass but for now you will have to be happy with an engraved slab in the clay room of engraved slabs.

Your confused but somewhat grateful leader,
The true authority

[TheZoomZoll]

Poor marksdwarf.He deserved more.

[Eric Blank]

Dear Urist McBroker

You stupid gods-damned sonovabitch! When I tell you to go to the depot and fucking trade, you don't spend a month running around the fortress drinking (more booze than Armok himself!), eating, sleeping, picking up equipment, hauling shit you don't even have labors assigned to haul, and making new mandates. Get your fat fucking ass to the depot on time, or you'll be seeing your deceased family members again real fucking soon!

Sincerely, your short-tempered, sober overseer who will toss you in with the necromancer-vampire and his five pals.

[Scootagoose]

Dear urist mcpsychopath

I just saw you bite off a dogs leg. You had a sword and a shield, you could have easily cut it's head off. Why in armok's glory would you do that?!


Your Terrified overseer,
Scootagoose.

[MythagoWoods]

Dear Urist McBroker,

Why in the name of all that is holy were you "on break" through all 3 caravans of the year?  I had to set the depot to accept anyone to trade and got some bum deals.  Your butt is lucky I have so many silver, gold, and masterwork rock crafts on hand that I could buy Gods kingdom itself if I wanted to or else I would have put you under "Mr. Bridge" who solves ALL my problems.

Sincerely, Your squashing overseer

[Eric Blank]

Dear Urists

Please move the eggs of the egg-laying creatures to the appropriate stockpiles in a timely fashion. We are now swimming in ducks, and they'll be joined by an army of turkeys soon enough. Either move the damn eggs, or sharpen your butcher's knives.

Thanks; management.

[Cassandra]

Dear urist mcpsychopath

I just saw you bite off a dogs leg. You had a sword and a shield, you could have easily cut it's head off. Why in armok's glory would you do that?!


Your Terrified overseer,
Scootagoose.

Dear Scootagoose,

Whar be the fun in that, ye daft overseer? The wee dog piss'd on me leg, so I took 'is damn leg right off! That elflovin' piss'ound won't go fer me damned leg again, I promise on tha beards of me ancestors! Now, if I had me proper axe instead of a wee sword, I would'n 'ave to use me teeth to get the point across! Now gimme more booze, or yer gonna be next!

Piss'd on, piss'd off, and piss'd drunk,
Urist Mcpsychopath