Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[TheZoomZoll]

Not so much pain, just more bruises. Unless you want to use spears of butter.

He died after one poked him in the face and bruised the brain,Id say thats pretty good.The guy who he had a grudge on kept pressing the lever more rapidly that Id want so he got injured quick and the Chief medical dwarf had to do some pretty good surgery.

Thats not a retirement room. That is a standard military/child training room.

Retirement rooms feature a small room with two pumps.

Who puts a child in a room with golden spear traps?That is not cool.
I prefer a mother baby water drop pit that leads to a openable trap door that falls 2 z levels to a pit of meat eating snakes (untamed) that have been modded to attack ANYTHING but the head,body,lower body.

You might be wondering:oh,well,where are all those snakes from and how did they fit?
We made them harmless as in they cant even attack other things,caged them and dropped them in and made them the fortresses feeding pit as they paralyze the target and then suck their blood out.

[Snake_Eyes]

Dear DF Usrist,

When wild animals attack you and you have an axe or pick, feel free to use it.

;-;
Snake_Eyes

[itisnotlogical]

Dear Urist McFarmer(s),

It's a single plump helmet seed. You don't have to suspend the construction of the entire farm plot because of one object smaller than your thumb. In fact, you don't even have to move it- if you just kept building, the seed would be under the ground, ready to grow.

You idiots,
Urist McOverseer

[TheZoomZoll]

Dear Urist McMayor

Why did you mandate the making of soap?What are we going to do with them?How are we going to even make them?Why do you want your own soap anyway?!
I swear to god if you go mad because you needed your hygiene I will have my militia commander smack you in the groin area with a adamantine mace and then have them throw you in the Corpse Pit 9000 ^TM.

Your angry overseer,
ZoomZoll

[IronTomato]

Dear Urist,
When one of your military buddies dies during a siege, the solution is not to beat the mayor to death.

[itisnotlogical]

Dear Urist,
When one of your military buddies dies during a siege, the solution is not to beat the mayor to death.

Isn't beating nobles to death always the solution, though?

Urist McPrisoner

[MythagoWoods]

Dear Urist McMilitary,

When I tell you to go kill the forgotten beast that's currently chewing on my woodcutters in the caverns I expect you to go kill it.  I do NOT expect you to decide to go to training practice or "get provisions" and never move from the barracks.  Gee, now my woodcutters are dead and all 40 of you are sitting around, picking your noses.  Thanks for that.  You're lucky you occassionally manage to follow orders and kill the what I want you to or you'd be stationed on my bridge I have extended over magma.

Sincerely, You're running low on woodcutters overseer

[Mr Space Cat]

Dear Urist McEveryUrist

Why would you dwarfs think it was a good idea to park the wagon on ice when the snow around you is thawing??

Because you couldn't haul the goods away to the stockpile only a few tiles of urist away, we've got a bunch of goods in the water...specifically, the booze, seeds, and the anvil.

Nice work guys, nice work. *slow claps*

[Scootagoose]

Dear Urist McWagonDriver.

I am curious. We decided to embark in a castle and some how you ended up driving up onto one of the towers. How did you do this?


Your impressed overseer,
Scootagoose.

[Splint]

Dear Scootagoose,

It too us a while to make the pack critters ramp us up there. Was it as awesome as we hoped it''d be?

Signed,

Urist McWagonDriver


Dear modbold army,

I hope you appreciate the gifts went you this winter, 16 soldiers bent into knots and one rotting lizard mount. We certainly appreciated the swords you brought us.

Hope to see your delivery boys soon,

Overseer of Darkforest.

[hypergoat]

Dear Urist McEmotional

Grow a pair.

Sincerely,
Your dead friend

[itisnotlogical]

Dear Urists McStoneworkers:

I needed you to build one tiny wall. A small 1x3 barrier. Surely, between the five of you and 200+ phyllite blocks, you could have closed yourselves inside the trade depot. Now look at you. You're all dead, and a good number of dwarves who aren't you are dead as well. Why? Because you were on break. On break, in the middle of a bloody !!NECROMANCER SIEGE!!.

Presiding over your funeral,
Urist McOverseer

[Icefire2314]

Dear Elf Liaison,

You are correct, after chopping it down and turning it into bolts it is now just a rude bauble, but I wouldn't go as far as saying it is 'fit only for your kind'. I can 'fit' quite a few of them into your elves.

Come get them back.

Yours,

The Overseer

I lol'd so hard

[moki]

Dear Urist McMason,
That's one really fine wall you built there. It's stable, it's good-looking, it's very wall-ish... I guess you were so engrossed in your work that you completely forgot which side to stand on when building a wall. Small hint: preferably the on that leads back to the fortress, food and booze... ok, I'll send a few children to get you out, but don't think, I'll forget or forgive. It's only because I already have enough corpses lying around.

Yours
The Overseer


Dear Urist McDeadHaulers,
why did you think it was a good idea to retrieve the socks of Bomrek McMiner who drowned in the fountain at the grand dining hall? Losing one of the starting seven (and therefore one of the most skilled dwarf in the fortress) to that accident is bad enough... it doesn't exactly raise my mood when a bunch of useless migrants' corpses rot away in the main water supply and the waterfall is temporarily rerouted to the main staircase because of socks. Seriously, I do understand the appeal of some fine cave spider silk footwear, but I never met anybody who took the phrase "to die for" that literally.

Your (slightly miffed) Overseer

[xana55]

Dear, Urist mcmayor

I would like to officially congratulate you on your years of tolerable service, breaking the barons nose last year, and killing him before he strangled that child. I would also like to congratulate you on your latest mandate of leather robes being completed on time. On a related note could you please STOP mandating them or pick a more tasteful material.

I like leather for its protective qualities as much as the next guy but it's starting to look like a BDSM club in here and if the fortress gimp population starts to exceed the number of children I will see to it that you are fired.

Yours truely,
The real athority

P.S. On the off chance another Noble shows up would you be willing to murd- eh, pacify them like you did the Baron?