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[Eric Blank]

Dear dwarves,

Stop finding new ways to kill yourselves and then complaining when someone else "helps" you with your suicidal rampage.

Sincerely, Overseer of this pitiful hole in the ground.


Dear marsh titan,

That's not even fair! Your description says to beware the poisonous bite, it didn't say anything about the webs!

Sincerely, the stunned and confused Overseer that is in way over his head this time around.

P.s. I'll be back. With weapons.


Dear mage-in-ambush,

Just go away. I know you're trying to help by casting divine blessings all over the place like some sort of psychopriest, but right now I don't think the dwarves would appreciate it nearly as much as you think. Infact, the guard dogs will murder the crap out of you.

Sincerely, Overseer of Dragonalottaproblems

[Syuviel]

Dear fisherdwarves,

I realize that you're hungry. In my expert opinion, that means you should fish more. Instead what you're doing is going around and canceling your fishing jobs to throw tantrums and hunt for vermin. cut it out.

~~~

Dear farmers,

That enraged donkey is trapped, it cannot get you, stop canceling your farming jobs to run in terror.

~~~

Dear Militiadwarves,

Thank you for not going berserk, swiftly killing the dwarves who do, and finally killing that armokforsaken donkey. I have just one simple question. Why are you all wrestlers? i made nice silver axes and iron armor for all of you, i'm sure you would rather put your friends out of their misery quickly and cleanly rather than tearing them limb from limb with your teeth.


With love, The alternately pleased, frustrated, and horrified voice in the sky

[Monk321654]

Dear Militiadwarves,

Thank you for not going berserk, swiftly killing the dwarves who do, and finally killing that armokforsaken donkey. I have just one simple question. Why are you all wrestlers? i made nice silver axes and iron armor for all of you, i'm sure you would rather put your friends out of their misery quickly and cleanly rather than tearing them limb from limb with your teeth.


With love, The alternately pleased, frustrated, and horrified voice in the sky

Dear Voice in the Sky,

What the hell is wrong with you? SILVER AXES?! Silver is a terrible cutting metal! Honestly, we'd rather get chunks of soaper in our teeth then use those unwieldy things.

Sincerely, the Militia

[Syuviel]

Dear Militiadwarves,

Thank you for not going berserk, swiftly killing the dwarves who do, and finally killing that armokforsaken donkey. I have just one simple question. Why are you all wrestlers? i made nice silver axes and iron armor for all of you, i'm sure you would rather put your friends out of their misery quickly and cleanly rather than tearing them limb from limb with your teeth.


With love, The alternately pleased, frustrated, and horrified voice in the sky

Dear Voice in the Sky,

What the hell is wrong with you? SILVER AXES?! Silver is a terrible cutting metal! Honestly, we'd rather get chunks of soaper in our teeth then use those unwieldy things.

Sincerely, the Militia

Desperation. I had to use up all my iron making sure you lot didn't get killed in your desperate desire to wrestle with anything that moves.

[Togre]

Dear UristMcSpeardwarf,

You are holding a ☼ironspear☼.  You are skilled in use of said ☼ironspear☼.  You are fighting a friggin' Giantess.  So, please, for the love all that is bearded and unwashed, use your blasted spear and STOP PUNCHING THE GAL.  It would serve you right to get your arms torn off.


Sincerely,

Your not-amused overseer.

[Facekillz058]

Dear Urist McShouldntBeLeftAroundHeavyMachinery.

Stop killing your friends with the catapult just to throw a little fit about it later. Its getting annoying, to be honest, im thinking of having the catapult broken, just because of you.
Also, shouldnt you be farming? We seem to be under 300 units of Plant.

Dear Urist McWaxxer,
I told you to smelt ore, because our metalsmith does it at an incredible rate of one ore a week. We have two magma forges, all your other labors are disabled, and yet, you just stand there.

Dear Urist McDumbass
You managed to get INTO that workshop, why can't you get back out again? Thanks to you, i had to have a tunnel dug to get your corpses. Be glad the only thing i have to do with all our fricken gold is to make sarcophagus's, Otherwise, i'd throw you into the volcano. And what the hell, you just got married, and you're 163 goddamn years old. Can you even breath anymore!?

Dear UristMcMountainHomeOverseer,
Stop sending waxxers my way, i have about 16 thanks to you.

[Chimpanzee]

Dear woodworker,

I thought I've told you to stop going through the drainage tunnel instead of going around it, and even then I've found your rotting corpse lying in the mud! This is horrible, a good example of the weird behavior of the dwarven kind.

Spoiler: I'm disappointed (click to show/hide)

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EDIT:
Dear Mason, Gem Setter, Baby and Liaison:
I've never thought you'd prefer to take a restricted path to a high-priority path. Stop crawling through the sewers. You've added enough to the rot.

SECOND EDIT:
Dear Horde of Dwarves,
We finally advanced in the construction of the base of the tower and we are removing the floors under the pumps. And don't you fear that the dwarf behind you will destroy the floor you're standing on and you'll fall into the river?

The result of this was the opposite of obvious. In fact, I let the dwarves do their own instead of cancelling the destruction, out of curiosity and desire for some FUN. Instead of falling into the river they've decided to move out of the way because of dangerous terrain! I was disappointed and frustrated by the lack of Fun, so you won't say I wasn't.

Dear Blacksmith,

I told you to build some lead walls for my first megaproject ever, and you've suspended the construction because the tile was temporarily occupied by a small pool of water! And now you're on break, hanging around in the meeting hall, drinking booze and sleeping all the day, instead of erecting a great lead tower from the middle of the broad river to make the mountainhomes proud.

Dear Bovines hooved monsters,
It's your problem that you all prefer to stick together in the northwest of the pasture I've made for you and trample all grass there, and instead of enjoying the healthy, dense grass in the southeast of the pasture you start fighting and kicking each other's teeth!

Yours sincerely,
Logem "Chimpanzee" Komannish, Overseer of Whipbrush, the first member of the Artifact of Perplexing, a dwarven group, and one of the founders of the dwarven village of Bomreknosing, "Whipbrush".

[lazygun]

Dear dwarfs!

Blue metal thread goes into the thread stockpile next to the strand extractor's workshop down in the forge area. Pigtail thread goes into the thread stockpile up in the farming area. Please try not to mix them up! I don't want my industries to shut down while I wait for a dwarf to go all the way downstairs, pick up a bin, carry it all the way upstairs, fill the bin with thread, and carry it all the way back downstairs.

Yours,
that voice in your heads

[Syuviel]

Dear Elves,
I have built a magma pump stack, and will no longer be tolerating your hippie shenanigans. You will give me your food and booze, then you will leave. Further lingering, chatting, harassing, milling, wandering, or sieging will be met with Magma.

~The Voice

~~~~~~~~~

Dear Farmer Union,

there are 8 of you. There are 8 full sized farm plots, all of which are scheduled for plump helmet production. There are more than 300 plump helmet spawn. THERE IS NO REASON FOR ALL 8 OF YOU TO BE ON BREAK.

~The Voice.

P.S. The Magma isn't just for elves.

P.P.S. We're almost out of booze, too, so get to it.

[WanderingKid]

Dear Urist McSheepherder,

I have 9 full grown sheep.  I will, occassionally, tell you to go shear five of them.  About once a season.  Their wool grows back in two months, that's 3 months.  If you can't find 5! sheep to shear out of the 9 when they're all fully grown, one of us is blind.  Most likely you.  However, that would have been an improvement, if you were blind you'd go out there, pet them, and KNOW there was some wool!

Dear Urist McRocksmacker,

I can appreciate your love of marble, however, your orders are supposed to be in LIFO stack.  Now, that means, when I tell you to cut me a new pantry for the farms so I can try to organize seed usage a little better, I really don't want you to continue cutting out the massive chunk of marble I told you to a long time ago.  Git up here and fix this.

.. and speaking of that seed pantry...

Urist McFarmboy,

Yes, I know, Urist just ran off with your seed bin.  There's FOUR MORE BINS of seeds... RIGHT THERE.  Use that one.  Yeesh.

[Xvareon]

Dear Urist McHauler,

The entire Goblin ambush happily ran into our cage traps, with the exception of a few archers that hightailed it out of there. There are dozens of cages to be transported and a horde of traders at the Depot to satisfy... and you are holding up the entire operation because of ONE. PIKEMAN. IN THE MOAT. Stop being such a pansy and HAUL ME SOME F***ING CAGES!!!!

Sincerely yours,
Keeper of the Big Red Button Lever

[Xerillum]

Dear Recruits,

I understand that some of you may have some... unorthodox combat skills. However that does not mean you can attack a goblin ambush by biting. I gave you all silver war hammers for a reason, please use them.

Overseer

[misko27]

Dear overseer,
How Can we be expected to destroy all that delicious looking flesh? Besides, all the hammers would do is tenderize them, and I like my meat tough.
Recruits

[Slayerhero90]

Dear overseer,
How Can we be expected to destroy all that delicious looking flesh? Besides, all the hammers would do is tenderize them, and I like my meat tough.
Recruits

Elven spies. Do what you wish with them, preferably magmatically.

[WillowLuman]

Recruit has transformed into a werecarp!