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[Klitri]

Dear uristmcmason
I understand that you try your hardest at life and you are really excited for the bedroom walls.
But when you told me that a creature was occupying the tile, I thought you meant an animal. I watched you stand on the same tile of the construction-no other creatures, then came to me and said that it cant be done because "somebody" is in the way. I'm making the atom smasher for a reason.

Signed, that stranger that said he was leader.

[Renommer]

Dear 3-squad militia,
You were absolutely pitiful.
No love, your Overseer

Dear solitary human soldier,
I have no idea why you were hanging around my fortress as there were no human caravans present, but thank you for almost single handedly taking out that goblin siege. Stay and enjoy as long as you please, maybe teach the militiadwarves' successors a few tricks.
Love, the overseer.

[Sidhien]

Dear Dwarves of Reinposts,

Would one of you please explain to me why our well is filled with goslings?

I just found them. There is NO way they could have gotten there.

[Sevrun]

Dear Dorfs,
  The Armorer isn't making pots and pans.  put your freaking armor on!  And Where the heck are those idiots with the crossbows??

[Slayerhero90]

Dear Kol Esiden,

   I've been lucky to observe common sense from your kind before. You coulde have told me that building flooring attached to the retracting bridge over lava was a bad idea . I'm not cruel. I would have listened. At least you did what you told instead of going on break. I'll make a good chamber for your slab.

                                                                                              My apologies, your human overseer.

[Boozebeard]

Dear every dwarf with brewing enabled,

You DO have distillable items. Stop cancelling the task. There is barrel upon barrel of plump helmets stacked right next to your stills.
We are all dying of dehydration, so hurry up!

[mikelon]

Dear Urist Mchammer squad

I made your squad masterwork steel war hammers, the finest dwarven craftmanship this side of the mountainhomes. You immediately started sparring with them, i was happy and content in the thought that i now had a working military

Along comes a goblin ambush, in copper and leather atire no less, while you are fully adorned in iron armor

So tell me why all of you are dead, or better yet tell me why none of you used your war hammers and instead began wrestling and grabbing toes and fingers with the lash wielding goblins

I relizw lashes are the equivalent to lightsabers but still not a single injury except bruising to the goblin squad



Go rot in the field

[Theifofdreams]

Dear !!Mebzuth Risenkod!!

Thank you. Seriously. Even when asked to flood the fortress with !magma!, you didn't complain. Even when your husband died, you didn't complain. You didn't flinch even though we were out of anything to drink, and while on !FIRE!. You just continued to mine out segments of the volcano to flood the fortress faster. Heck, being on fire merely made you satisfied with your work.
As far as I'm concerned, you're the best dorf ever.

~your stunned, shocked, and immensely pleased, Overseer.

[Darkening Kaos]

Dear Ducim Thobdakon,
NO!  I will not interupt several very important projects and wealth-making initiatives just to make a coffin for your dead pet.
After all it is just a giant rat, and lived for only one year since you migrated to the fortress.  It can sit and rot in the corpse pile until I have the time and inclination to attend to it.

The Ever-Present Force.

PS: You're married, go spawn or something.

[Dragor23]

Dear Dwarfes of The Ageless Blade,

yes, I understand you. It's hot, it's dark and it's a little bit wet.

But, pleasy, stop with SPORING EACH OTHER, OH GOD!

The kids are awful and getting on my nerves with all their baby-behaviour.

Also, giving birth while killing gobbos is a little bit freaky.

[quixoticcool]

Dear Urist McMason,
I understand that when hauling tasks come up you feel the need to help out, but getting in the dump chute will NOT allow you to dump stuff faster, instead it will only result in your death please while you're in the great fortress in the sky speak to the others about not repeating your mistakes.

Sincerely,
An overseer mourning he loss of his legendary mason

[Dranikos]

Dear Urist McTradeLiaison
When I requested Iron Bars and Leather on your last visit I expect you to bring more than 1 Bar of Iron and 1 Bin of leather.  While bringing 92 Barrels of Dwarven Wine is appreciated, we feel our stockpile of 3974 Dwarven Wine is sufficent, thank you.

Dear Urist McNoble
Due to the previously mentioned lack of iron we are unable (and unwilling) to produce the mandated steel mini-forges.  As an apology please enjoy your complimentary upgrade to our heated Noble's Suite, located scenically above the Volcano.  Pull lever to engage heat.

Dear Urist McUnholyBadass
While your efforts to break goblin sieges with one leg missing are commendable, we ask that you please use a weapon other than a dog leather earring.  and please see a doctor about the cut from your upper right arm to your left hip, the diplomats are starting to worry about you.  Also, please PLEASE don't go into a tantrum cause your cat fell into the magma below Urist McNoble's Room.

Dear Urist McHunter
What Kind of IDIOT gets killed by a rabbit?

Dear Urist McLegendaryMinerSquad
Good job killing that Forgotten Beast with a pick to the face.  Seriously.  Please enjoy your new Artifact furniture, engraved rooms (with Engravings of you!), and custom Job Titles.

Dear Urist McMilitarySquad4
Please learn from the deaths of Urist McMilitarySquad3, and equip your armor at all times as ordered.  Also, learn from the bold actions of Urist McLegendaryMinerSquad and put the pointy bits toward the enemy.  Report to Goblin Fun Chamber #9 for training.

[Garath]

Dear Urist McHunter
What Kind of IDIOT gets killed by a rabbit?

I'm sure many of us think of Monty Python and the Holy Grail now

[Orky_Boss]

Dear Urist McHunter
What Kind of IDIOT gets killed by a rabbit?

I'm sure many of us think of Monty Python and the Holy Grail now

Damn straight.

"Look at the bones!!"

[Akura]

Dear Mason: Stop standing on the site for the wall section, then suspending the job because a creature is standing on the build site. GET OFF THE DAMN BUILD SITE.


Dear Mountainhomes: Stop sending fishery workers and rangers. That Great Weaponsmith was nice, except she turned out to be a vampire. A vampire who, despite being locked in an isolated cell for more than a year, was elected mayor. Who then mandated bucklers.

Dear Vampire Mayor: Report to the execution lever. Now.